Fug File: Random Fug

Grammy Awards Fug Carpet: Bonnie McKee

Here is what songwriter Bonnie McKee — of three Katy Perry hits, among others — wore to the Grammys last year.

If Orange Julius were a lingerie store, this would be in the window. And if it were a euphemism for “holy crap I am going to see your vagina in ten seconds,” it would be applicable here too. But apparently opening her birth canal to casual eye traffic didn’t grab enough attention for her liking, so this year Bonnie went a different way:

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People’s Choice Awards Random Fug: Grace Johnston

Let me tell you, it was NOT EASY figuring out who this person is. Because she was mis-captioned as Rachel Johnson a lot; once I figured out her name was Grace and added “actress” to it, though, I found her IMDb page, which is where I learned that — and this may blow your mind as it did mine — she played Barbara Hershey’s daughter in Beaches. YES. Beaches.

If that makes me feel old, somewhere I think Bette Midler just took an entire jar of Centrum Silver.

Having said that, this is exactly what I imagine CC Bloom would’ve told her to wear — nay, raised her to wear. Although she would have added a wig and given her the stage name FiFi LaBow. Hey, there’s still time, Grace/Rachel.

[Photo: Getty]


Random Fug: Sharron Davies

This lady here is a former Olympian for Great Britain. And while I know there are no laws in that country against flag desecration…

… flag defecation should be a whole different story.


British Fashion Awards: Fugs, Fabs, Fehs, and Some Random Fuggers

The British Fashion Awards last night were full of poorly dressed people I had to look up on Wikipedia — well, with a few exceptions, like La Schiffer here. If we ever get to the point where somebody says to me, “Who the hell is Claudia Schiffer? Excuse me while I turn to Wikipedia,” then I will know I am ancient and will pull on my support hose and retire to the rocker on my porch, where I will dole out Werther’s to passing children and offer them a shiny quarter to tint my hair blue and pluck my mustache.

Rather than force you to read entry after entry of marginally accurate facts about marginally Wikipedia’d people, I figured I’d put a whole bunch of these lucky guests into one Slideshow of Semi-Random Fuggery and then let y’all talk up the various merits and demerits of the fashion in the comments. Starting with Schiff’s funky number here that occasionally looks like she’s shooting fire out of her uterus. I bet that comes in handy when she wants to make s’mores.


Damn, I Wish I Was Your Fugger

Remember Sophie B. Hawkins, of the ’90s hit song “Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover,” famously used in the 90210 episode where Dylan and Kelly spent the night on the beach together not having sex and then Andrea almost caught them the next day? Have you ever wondered where Sophie is now?

Sophie B Hawkins

This really only answers that in a literal, geographic sense. Although I suppose you can assume that the rest of the time she’s in yoga class.


Latin Grammys J.Lo Carpet: J.Lo, with an assist from a Random Fug


“Today, Senora Anthony is giving you a lesson on the sexy. Because if anyone knows the sexy, it is me! Just yesterday I cut my finger and my Marc said “Ay, with the sexy!” And then we made passionate love! I think. I woke up two hours later and felt kind of weak and my Marc said it was because of our tantric tango! Hee! Anyway, lovers, look at my chest. It’s okay. I put it there so you would look at it. I am wearing a BeDazzled body sleeve with a peekaboo over my love dollops, and you are looking through that keyhole, and that is why I WIN AT THE SEXY. You know who DOESN’T win at the sexy? Besides wax-lipped skinny pencil lades whose names rhyme with Jennifer WHOOPS I mean Bennifer WHOOPS I mean STUPIDFACE? This lady:

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Random Fug: Nicole Trunfio

Apparently, Nicole Trunfio here won an Australian supermodel competition:

[Photo: Splash News]

Here’s hoping nobody told her “Congratulations — now it’s time for the training bra to come off,” because that bra is all that’s keeping Lady Gaga from becoming jealous and upping the ante.