Fug File: performances

Casual Fuggerday: Rita Ora

Saturday is turning into “Oh, yeah, Rita Ora continued to beef up her Fug Madness campaign” day.

[Photos: Getty, Splash]


Casual Fuggerday: Azealia Banks

I’m not sure WHY, exactly, Azealia Banks looks like the hottest go-go dancer at a Rose Parade Spirit Week Community Hoedown.

But if Scarlett doesn’t turn up in this on Nashville soon, I may have to quit her.

[Photo: WENN]


Fug the Show: Miley on Saturday Night Live

It was an interesting musical night on SNL — like Miley was making a concerted effort to change the narrative around her after the VMAs, turning the volume way back down from eleven to about… six. She starred in an opening sketch parodying her twerking performance as the end of humanity as we know it, and for her performances, stayed clothed (although went with transparency) and belted out the ballad “Wrecking Ball” and then a stripped-down acoustic “We Can’t Stop,” as if to try and quiet the people who claim she hides behind tomfoolery and over-production because she has no talent. (The problem being that when you have fairly dumb lyrics, like “We all so turned up here, getting turned up, yeah, yeah,” this kind of arrangement exposes them — even Miley snickered a couple times.) Sure, she had a couple flat notes here and there, and at this point if you don’t like her voice then this likely wasn’t going to change your mind. But it was a ballsy, confident move, and probably a smart one. She may, like Kanye, overimagine her own schematic brilliance. But she’s still no dummy.


Casual Fuggerday: Rihanna

Let’s check in on Rihanna’s performing exploits.

This is apparently fresh off the menswear runway. And it is… crazy. I can’t fathom a dude wanting to look like a billboard for something the FDA has probably banned because of strange additives that are only legal in Asia — much less in something that so easily passes as a dress on Rihanna. That she almost makes sense of it is a marvel. Don’t get me wrong, I still find it hideous, but I understand it a lot more on her than, say, Justin Bieber. Then again, when did I ever speak Bieberish? I wonder if that’s a working barcode on her thigh. If we scan her, what will it say? I’m thinking of every immature calculator message I ever tapped out when I was in fourth grade.

Oh, and in case you wondered…

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Fuglicia Keys

I really wish this were Anne Hathaway, and we could still write parody Les Miserables lyrics.

Because I would cut right to the climax to sing, loudly, “Now I must fug Alicia KEEEEEEYS / Heed, please, the eye of this beholder //’Cause there are PANTS that cannot BEEEEEEEE // and there are wangs we should not polterrrrrrrr.”

Aha, but I didn’t let life kill the fug I dreamed. I just did it anyway. I bet Fantine wishes she’d thought of that.

[Photo: Getty]


VMAs Fug Carpet: Jennifer Hudson

I have notes on this one, but they pale in comparison to my feelings about what she wore on-stage.

[Photos: Getty, WENN, My Dumb iPhone]