Fug File: People's Choice Awards

People’s Choice Award Fug Carpet: Malin Akerman


Heather and I just got home from a business trip  — I am writing this at WHAT TIME IS IT?? O’Clock so you can read it first thing — and I joked to her at the baggage claim that I was just going to write one angry word for each post. Like, “NO.” And “Whaaaaaa???”  And “YIKES.” But I cannot keep myself to one word with this thing:

Well, if I did, maybe it would be “BOOBS.” But it’s really more like, “Hey, look who’s newly single and also really wants you to watch her sitcom!” Shall we see the full-length view?

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People’s Choice Awards: Lots of Famous People


Rolling right along. Man, a lot more people go to the People’s Choice Awards than I realized. I guess they DO care about The People. That’s a warm feeling.

[Photos: Getty]

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People’s Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Olivia Munn


When Olivia Munn got cast on New Girl, I thought to myself, “ugh. Now I am going to end up liking Olivia Munn.” The good news is, that totally hasn’t happened — I feel like her character is kind of a non-starter, and definitely nowhere near as amusing to me as, say, Lizzy Caplan was. In fairness, though, her haircut on the show is really cute.

But this dress. Oy.

From the waist up: cute. From the waist down: excuse me, but your doily factory just exploded.

[Photo: Getty]

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People’s Choice Awards Fug or Fab: Sandra Bullock


At first I was like, “Wait, is that Lauren Graham?”

Not that it matters; I just thought I’d share. Sandy here got some kind of career award at the PCAs, and nothing about this ensemble suggests to me that she was particularly enamored of this idea. It’s kind of… fine? But also feels picked off a rack at the last second, lazily hemmed partway with a pin (seriously, WHAT is happening around her right knee?), and donned with a shrug and the thought, “Whatever. It’s TV no one watches.”

Do you like it?

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[Photo: WENN]

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People’s Choice Awards Well Played: Chloe Moretz


We haven’t covered Chloe Grace Moretz a ton — I’m not sure why, but I’m sure we’ll remedy it –but for a girl who’s only about to turn sixteen, she has often dressed quite a bit more maturely than you’d expect. That’s why I think this is so refreshing:

It’s super playful, and really young, but also very fresh and stylish, and the stilettos grow it up without sexing it up. I wish I could go back in time and turn myself into the kind of hip teen who could wear neon confidently, but unfortunately, I didn’t pay for expedited shipping on my Delorean so it’s going to take a while to get here.

[Photo: Getty]

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People’s Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Kristin Kreuk


I need to confess something to you, my judges and jury: I am watching Beauty and the Beast (on Hulu, and how it happened is a long story, but still — somehow that feels relevant), and I don’t hate it. I might even like it. Turns out the romantic lead is actually meant to be a “beast” in the Hulk Smash sense (there is a whole story line about fugue states, a phrase I haven’t written since Passions, and WHY IS THAT?). But the reason I am watching is, it turns out, that a) it’s an ode to great leather jackets, boots, and skinny jeans, and b) I like Kristin Kreuk. She’s very charming to me, and her HAIR is HYPNOTIC. It’s so shiny and fantastic. There are aspects that don’t work, like some of the murder-of-the-week stuff, but other parts are surprisingly okay. So I guess I’m in, you guys. I know. But I had to come clean. And I don’t regret my choices.

But does she regret hers?

She should. There is a very pretty germ of a dress here that blew up into a massive killer virus. The design results in it looking not only poorly made, but improperly fitted. I think the beast sewed it during one of his animal fugue states, where he had some war flashbacks and then did something violent but altruistic. Seriously, I wish we could move some people from Passions onto this show — imagine if Precious the orangutan nurse was tasked with tending to Beast Vincent during his episodes, and then had love fantasies about him like she did with Luis, or if they occasionally cut to Tabitha staring into her magic bowl and making snarky comments about their life choices, and then Big Dumb Hank — who is ALSO a cop, and was Captain Awesome on Chuck — could dribble a basketball shirtless through three scenes an hour. Perfection.

I suppose I should stop daydreaming and show you the back:

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