Fug File: People's Choice Awards

People’s Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Heidi Klum


I actually wouldn’t hate this if it weren’t so low cut on her:

Except I hate the shoes with it and it also looks like the kind of novelty fabric you use to make pillowcases for kids who are really into outer space and the asymmetrical detailing on the neckline is making me slightly more mental than usual. But seriously, up until November, she’d put together a nice run of popping up at one of these events with a low-percentage chance that we’d have to blur her for modesty. Can’t we go back to that? Please? For a bit longer? Sincerely, that’s all I want. Is that really so much to ask? Don’t answer that.

[Photo: Getty]

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People’s Choice Awards Fug or Fine: Naya Rivera


Let’s get the predictable part out of the way:  Mullet backward thigh-arpon cut it off neutral lipstick whatever.

That’s basically all I have on this. It’s a word-vomit dress. All it really inspires is a string of things that don’t even make a real sentence. I’m not interested enough to salvage it, I don’t hate it enough to rant about it, and I don’t like it, so… word vomit. Just let it out. It’s like blogger norovirus up in here. But my real question: Has Naya Rivera ALWAYS been a cross between Kim Kardashian and Giuliana Rancic? Because we don’t need another Skywalker right now, Yoda. The ones we have are enough.

[Photo: Getty]

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People’s Choice Awards Well Played, Nina Dobrev


Apparently Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder won the People’s Choice Award for best on-screen chemistry, which is a tribute both to how good they are on The Vampire Diaries and, I suspect, to the organizational skills of TVD viewers when you’re talking about a fan-voted event (my cousin Joseph Morgan, who is on TVD’s spin-off, The Originals, also won an award [he is great on that show (he is not really my cousin)]). It was also potentially awkward considering that they dated for a long time and have since broken up, but you’ll be relieved (or perhaps saddened, depending on how much you love soapy shenanigans) to see that they behaved like professionals who still have a mutual affection for one another.

Aw, you two crazy kids. Even my cold, hard, icy, flinty heart may have just melted a wee bit.

Let’s look at the rest of Nina’s dress:

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People’s Choice Awards Unfug It Up: Anna Faris


Here’s the thing: We all love The Golden Girls. We just do. And if you haven’t seen it, trust me, you do. Even if you don’t, you do.

But that love has its place, and that place is usually: your couch; a lanai; a conversation with a friend in which said friend needs you to make a Zbornak face at her; if you are in Sicily; if you are in St. Olaf or attending St. Olaf College or happen to BE St. Olaf; if you are dating a man with a particularly dated mustache; etc. There are lots of places, basically, but the red carpet is not one of them. Not when you are young and you are foxy. The basic WORK on this is stunning; I just wish we could, say, fit the shirt and turn it into a gown, maybe with a belt/midriff accent that’s a slice of color. OR fit it, make it a more flowing than fitted skirt, and have it be one of those slice-of-midriff outfits. But those pants are unforgivable on a person under 55, right? And even then, they probably don’t deserve much mercy.

[Photo: Getty]

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People’s Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Cassie Scerbo


I do not know who told Cassie Scerbo to wear this out of the dressing room, much less out of the house, but she needs to take them to court for intentional infliction of emotional distress:

I still don’t know if she’s going to be suing them on her own behalf or as part of a class action lawsuit brought by all of us who feel as if we’ve been assaulted by this thing. Because OH HONEY NO. NO. NOOOOO. This is the costume for the head floozy in the failed musical Car Hops From Space! or what the lead actress in Ow! My Crotch wears in that play’s climatic first act showstopper. It may actually literally be in Xanadu somewhere. It is unflattering and it is weird, and sometimes you can get away with one of those adjectives, but rarely both of them.

[Photo: Getty]

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People’s Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Jessica Alba


Oh, Jessica Alba. We JUST lauded this girl’s unexpectedly great taste in 2013, and so of course she goes and does this:

Her head is still good, obviously — hard to screw that up — but that dress is all wrong. We can all agree that Jessica Alba has a ridiculously fit bod, so this too-tight criss-cross thing is basically a dangerous criminal for what it’s doing to her. It should be locked up and kept off the streets. It can’t be trusted; it is a menace, with a particular interest in making mammary pancakes.

And from the side…

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