I Love You Like A Fug Song Baby

I remember when high-waisted jeans came back around in, what, 2005? And I was screaming myself hoarse about the crimes they commit against a person’s groin. They are a pelvic prison. And then they disappeared. AND THEN.

Selena Gomez has found a pair, and wore them to an audition. I hope this was for a Lifetime movie about that time Fergie wet herself on-stage in high-waisted shorts, and Selena was going for abdominal verisimilitude. Otherwise, I can’t think of why anyone would want to do that to themselves. Here’s a closer look:

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Casual Fuggerday In Paris: Blake Lively

Well, Blake Lively’s off-the-shoulder Balmain houndstooth tutu never turned up in any of our subs, but when we saw it on the runway, I did not correctly call that, at all. It seems so obvious now. I don’t love it on her — something about where the cummerbund hits her looks like her midriff is trying to blow a bubble.

Fortunately, we do get a hit of her gallivanting around Paris in some funky trousers, including more houndstooth:

She looks great here — low-key but polished, casual but not boring. If she didn’t seem like an actual nice person from various Internet accounts I’ve read, I would probably be annoyed at how cheerily easy she makes all that look, because it makes me realize I should try a little harder even if my regular life involves only the occasional escape to pre-school and the grocery store. Because who has time, and it’s not like the pre-schoolers care. They’re not going to say, “Oh, well played on that outfit, it’s just the fresh air I needed after finger-painting my letter F.”

Anyway, enough about me. Let’s get to the wacker pants:

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Fugs and Fabs: Olivia Wilde

This started out fine, and then descended into Pants Madness. The’re billowy and frumpy, unflattering, better off hanging in someone’s kitchen window… and girl, unzipping your trousers should be a sprint, not a marathon. Fortunately she fared better elsewhere.

[Photo: Getty]


Lana Del Fug

Lana here is leaving a Courtney Love concert at the Troubadour, so  yeah, fair play, there’s no need to get hyper-fancy on us — and in fact insane might even be the appropriate way to go.

But a plaid shirt, abdominal lash extensions, and pants that are basically the same as the ones that won Fug Madness 2012 for Vanessa Hudgens… this is a pretty toxic cocktail of fug. It may be dangerous to be out and about in public at this level of fugtoxication. Can we invent a breathalyzer for fashion?

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Justin Fugber

Dear Mr. Dweeber,

The answer is still no.

[Photo: WENN]


Fugga Ora

It’s so nice to see that Rita Ora hasn’t given up her commitment to fugcellence.

I cannot imagine how uncomfortable it must be to wear that many yards of leather — much less leather that alleges to be pants, but is actually more like each leg requested its own, solitary, massively expensive sweat lodge experience. What do Rita Ora’s thighs see during a hallucinatory meditation? Her wardrobe already IS a hallucination. Do you think they have visions of themselves wearing normal clothes?


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