Fug File: Oscars

Vanity Fair Oscar Party Fug Carpet: Brooklyn Decker


Another model whose face is doing all the work here.

That jacket is so boxy you could store your knick-knacks in it, the pleats are meh, and the shoes DEAR GOD THE SHOES ARE SO AWFUL. She looks like she dipped her feet in a jar of tahini and then put them in the freezer.

Seriously, that IS the type of thing someone wears if she’s pregnant and really freaked out about people noticing, because sometimes the stuff you do as evasive tactics is more obvious than just wearing what you have. I am not speculating here, because I do not know her life; more commenting that  it’s REALLY strange to have on something that unflattering if you AREN’T hiding a uterine secret because then people just call into question your eyeballs.

[Photo: Getty]

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Elton John Oscar Party Fug and Fab Carpet: Anne V and Lydia Hearst


I’m looking forward to The Face coming back, although Coco Rocha and Karolina Kurkova were really good in it and I’m sad they won’t get another crack at Naomi Campbell. Hopefully Anne V and Lydia Hearst, despite not having quite the sparking credentials of the other two, can still deliver some verbal parries and thrusts.

Clothes-wise, it’s a bit more varied. Anne basically took a knee to end the half, in football parlance:

I can’t find a designer credit for it, and that’s probably for the best, because I don’t know if any designer would want to take credit. There is nothing here to latch onto, at all. It looks cheap, I can see where her navel is, there are no accessories making this anything worth looking at… it’s like milk in dress form. And not even dairy milk; soy milk, which is more watery. The good news for her is that it keeps forcing me to look at her face, which is very pretty, but since that thought is immadiately followed by, “Why did she DO THIS to herself,” it’s not really a very warming piece of good news.

Lydia Hearst was considerably more successful.

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Oscar Parties Fug/Fab Coin: Camilla Luddington and Alison Brie


These two wore dresses that felt, to me, like the good and evil twins of each other — or if not that, then pleasant and then slightly degenerate cousins.

Alison Brie is in a floral Giambattista Valli, and I can’t tell if it actually was slightly lopsided or she was just standing that way, but it’s still very good:

There are accessory issues, but it’s very sweet and innocent looking, much the way you’d imagine someone with giant innocent eyes like that to be (don’t they make Bambi references to her on Community?). It’s also one of those gowns that seems graceful and girly in a way that’s flattering but also comfortable enough that you can eat the finger food.

Camilla Luddington of Grey’s Anatomy went in a similarly pinky/red/white direction:

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Oscar Parties Fugs and Fabs: Women in Grey


This slideshow has some high highs and some VERY low lows.

[Photos: Getty]

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Vanity Fair Oscar Party Fug Carpet: Rita Ora in Miu Miu


It’s so generous of Rita Ora to wish us all peace.

Personally, if I’d just been ravaged by a JoAnn’s Fabrics employee with a stapler and a glitter gun, I’d be wishing everyone a quick bout of hysterical blindness.

[Photo: Getty]

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Oscar Party Fugs and Fabs: Red Dresses


Oh, Sienna. To NAB is divine, but you may have binged on it a wee.

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]

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