Fug File: Leg City

Fug or Fab: Sandra Bullock


I’m curious how the Oscar race will shake out, because while Sandra Bullock is great in Gravity, it’s not really her movie or Clooney’s movie so much as it is the director’s movie. It’s a showcase of technique. I read that it was originally supposed to be Angelina Jolie and Robert Downey, Jr., and in a rarity, I think it would’ve been close to the same experience with them in it. Sandy does do some of the character’s backstory and introversion better than Jolie might’ve, I think, but still — the point is, to me, it belongs to Alfonso Cuaron more than it does to the performers or their performances, and I suspect voters might agree. But it depends whom she’s up against. Against whom she’s up. Up against whom she is. No: “It depends against whom she’s competing.” THERE we go.

It is not a spoiler to tell you that there are several moments in Gravity where I thought, “I want her arms and her legs for Christmas.”

That is still true. And her lipstick is great, and I like that she looks strong and healthy and fit but never deprived. But she doesn’t give off an aura of being at one with the Stella McCartney dress. It’s a smidge short — like, Kristen Stewart short — and just sort of… there. Her legs are stars, but her torso is rendered totally free of topography, it almost seems like it’s too small on her shoulders, and her head seems tense, like it would rather be poking out of a sweatshirt while she took Louis out for burgers in Austin. Which may be true. She could put that sweatshirt on OVER this dress, and she’d look like a walk of shame in progress, and yet still it might be better than her seeming so stiff and underwhelmed by herself. Remember from 10 Things I Hate About You: “You can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever be whelmed?” “Um. I think you can in Europe?” Well, she was definitely whelmed in Europe. FIND YOUR EUROPE, SANDY. BE WHELMED. HAVE A WHELMING.

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[Photo: Getty]

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Fugsley


“I really, really wish I hadn’t cut my hair for that movie.”

“Like, nobody should have this hair unless they are Clair Huxtable and it is 1986. But if I hand out free tickets to Leg City, and I wear a dress that looks like the gateway to my crotch is through Annie’s famous locket, people won’t notice my hair, right? RIGHT? PLEASE TELL ME I AM RIGHT.”

You are right… there

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Well Played, Rachel McAdams


I don’t know how I feel about the black shoes — they feel a little bit like she broke the heel off the metallic shoe she originally planned to wear with this, and had to make the swap at the last minute — but the rest of this is kind of great, no?

I mean, a little dash of Marilyn Monroe never hurt anyone. As long as it’s the Stylistic Marilyn Monroe, not the Bad Relationships/Drug Abuse/Really Sad parts of Marilyn Monroe. Those parts, you should probably stay away from, regardless of how good they might make you look.

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Who Fugged It More (Or Less): Boobs Legsly vs Rachel Bilson


When I first pulled this photo for the comparison, I was sure these were shorts.

Now, I’m not so sure. What once seemed like shorts that caught up in the middle now looks awfully like a skirt. In which case, it seems to be a skirt that was designed for very fancy gynecological appointments, given that its life’s goal is apparently to showcase a woman’s jewel of the Nile. The top part is VERY Chanel — we’ve seen something like it already — but my God, Karl, are they called The Legslys? Because I can’t imagine anyone else wanting to set foot, or rather crotch, in that. I mean, if she walks, she’s a skin flick. If she sits down, she’s having sex with whatever she’s sitting on. Bad idea.

This comparison won’t hold up as well now that it’s not for sure Formal Shorts vs Formal Shorts. But let’s play anyway.

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Oscar Party: Taylor Swiftly Played, Taylor Swift


I’m sure the Germans have a word for this. It means, “simultaneously adorable and yet also so predictable that it somehow manages to represent, in but one gown, everything knowable by man or beast of Taylor Swift’s awards show wardrobe.” Maybe she could write a song about that!

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Oscar Party Fug Carpet: Cameron Diaz


Cameron Diaz appears to have caught High And Tight Syndrome (possibly from Heidi Klum, who has grappled with it all her life and should really start a foundation). This is a dress that screams, “BUT DO YOU GET IT?” and we yell back, “WE DO, AND WE WOULD STILL HAVE GOTTEN IT WITH AN EXTRA FIVE INCHES.” Because guess what this dress originally came with? An extra five inches. Which she sawed off just to underline It, highlight It, circle It, and then put squiggly Cathy sweat lines around It. Between that and the bad pocket and the whiff of desperation — it smells like astroturf and sweat – I can’t help being disappointed. Cam was so flawless last season — for the ceremony and the post-party — that I really wish we could get a do-over here. There is more fabric on her chest than on her thighs. Also, did she forget makeup, or am I just being overly hard on her? In the close-up… I don’t know. It’s there, but it’s not. I just want some false eyelashes up in this thing, you know? Just to see. Just to TRY. Instead all her effort went at reminding you that she’s totally cut. Cam, you could’ve spread it around a bit.

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