Fug File: lace

Ari Fugnor


I feel right now the way I did a few years ago, when nobody wore anything without jamming a pair of leggings under it.

I need sheer to STOP. I’M OUT. I’ve got nothing. My well is dry. I’ve made all the window jokes, the bra-mask jokes, the forgot-your-real-shirt jokes, the thank-god-she’s-wearing-lingerie jokes, the boobs-craving-attention jokes. I’m beyond not liking this trend; I’m EXHAUSTED by it. This is just another cute girl in another misappropriated exotic tablecloth with another set of boobs playing peekaboo through some lace and LA LA LA LA CAN WE PLEASE GET PAST THIS BEFORE GLOBAL CREATIVITY OFFICIALLY DIES AND MY CAPS LOCK KEY GETS STUCK THIS WAY? THANKS.

[Photo: Getty]

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ACMs Fug Carpet: Faith Hill


I think someone is suffering from attention deficit disorder.

That is to say, the fear that there is a deficit of attention being sent her way now that her husband was on the cover of People in a story about how He’s Super Cut Now, and all anyone remembers of her lately is that she’s been waitin’ all day for Sunday night. But Faith Hill is lovely, and Faith Hill is a country legend, basically — or at least headed that way (is she Rayna Jaymes, one wonders?) — and so it seems a shame that she’s decided the answer is wearing a lacy hook-and-eye nightmare straight out of some catalog called Boudoir Love Triangle. You are Faith Hill. You don’t need visible hotpants to be hot.

[Photo: Getty]

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Fug/Fab Face-Off: Shailene Woodley vs. Diane Lane


Last awards season, only about a month shy in the proceedings of where we are now actually, Shailene Woodley wore this lacy dress in support of The Descendants. Fug Nation was split — 56 percent of you loved it, and the rest felt either negatively or ambivalent, saying she looked too mother-of-the-bride or that it didn’t belong on anyone under 35. So let’s see how it flies with you on Diane Lane — who is over 35, could therefore be the mother of a bride, and if you think about it, kind of looks like a grown-up Shailene Woodley.

I wonder if the fact that Shailene’s hair covered the camisole strap part of the dress is a reason I’m liking the bodice part better on her. I also think the length is more ideal on Shailene, but somehow I can see the waist detail a bit clearer on the photo of Diane and it seems more flattering there. But either way, the whole concept does still scream “wedding,” with its combination of lace and satiny slip — on Shailene it’s the bridesmaid dress she’ll never wear again, and on Diane, she KIND OF looks like the Mother of the Bride had this on under her actual dress, trapped a groomsman in the coat room, and has begun a seduction. All of which is to say that I can’t quite find my way around this dress on Diane any more than I could on Shailene, except to say that to my surprise — even though it’s not a typically “young” dress — I might prefer it on the whippersnapper. No affront to Diane Lane intended. She’s older than I am, but if I woke up tomorrow and looked exactly like her, I would be so stoked that even the Mars Rover would look up from its crater and be like, “Huh, that was loud.”

PIck one (vis a vis the dress, not for life purposes):

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[Photo: Getty]

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AMAs Unfug Or Fab: Kerry Washington


Too much going on here for me, I think.

We’ve got sheer smockage, we’ve got long hanks of fringe, we’ve got a minidress underneath… at least the yellow color makes it interesting (if it were a black dress we’d all be in a coma right now), but how could this be better? Less fringe? MORE fringe? More lining, and maybe… a belt? I don’t know, but I do know this: I wish Kerry Washington wore her hair like this on Scandal, because the immobile flip they make her sport is starting to distract me. I don’t think it’s budged all year. Olivia Pope deserves something sassy, not stiff.

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug or Fine: Maggie Gyllenhaal, With An Assist From Hot Viola Davis


So, yeah, I do realize this is a jumpsuit, and yet I am not approaching it with abject disapproval. I KNOW. I’m sure the lightheadedness of Abfest 2012 still has me in its clutches.

But seriously, that doesn’t look awful on her. At least, I don’t think so — okay, so part of it is sitting weirdly on her chest, like it’s sagging or needed to be pinned/pressed/taped, but it’s such a small thing. Otherwise, from this angle, I am far less enraged by the jumpsuit itself than I expected. My bigger question is with the styling, specifically the choice of jacket:

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Fug or Fab: Kristen Wiig


This looks so familiar to me, and I had to rack my brain into split pea soup before realizing that I think it’s from the same family of Stella McCartney stuff as this jumpsuit, and these items worn by Rachel McAdams and Rumer Willis.

I think, understandably, that people get sick of me harping on about hating jumpsuits all the time. I get that. I get bored of me, too. It’s just that I have a very hard time being case-by-case with them, especially when Stella McCartney herself — who, by the way, seems like she has a great sense of humor – said that when she wore her version she had to have help going to the bathroom. AT THE MET BALL. So there’s a practicality hump I can’t get over, in addition to general recurring concerns about polterwang (not present here, thank goodness) or Inflating Pelvis Syndrome (marginally present) or any of a number of other concerns. Is this the worst jumpsuit, or even the worst version of THIS jumpsuit, that I have ever seen? No. Does that save it? I leave that to you. The harpy is letting YOU speak.

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