Fug File: Hart of Dixie

Fug the Show: Hart of Dixie recap, season 3, episode 18

There are only three more episodes to go after this and I getting worried that we’re going to end this season on an unsatisfying note, especially as the show has not yet been renewed. I mean, nothing’s more unsatisfying than the end of Models, Inc., which left one character held hostage in a Mexican brothel and another plummeting off a balcony, but still. This week’s episode managed to be charming and entertaining, and yet also several of its characters made decisions that I think are wrong-headed and found frustrating. That’s BlueBell!

Topline info:

  • No one cares about the Magnolia plot, am I right? I’m right. Ergo, I’m just going to tell you that she’s off to ANOTHER boarding school, which Brick has promised to visit regularly to keep her on the straight and narrow. Just send her to Switzerland, you guys! Swiss boarding school! It’s a classic for a reason! Three years from now (if the show is magically still on the air, which would be nice for everyone), she can come back as a totally different person. Literally. You can recast her.
  • Barry Watson and AB are mad crazy in lust for each other and bravo for them. Mayor Gainey uses this info to make Lavon CRAAAAAAZY with jealousy and torpedo his attempt to get the County Fair held in BlueBell. Lavon gets drunk, gets jealous, and tells AB that Barry Watson is just toying with her as a way to f with BlueBell. Which was inappropriate and AB is right to be infuriated with Lavon — not least because I am pretty sure Barry Watson is not a master manipulator con artist — but while AB doesn’t owe Lavon anything, it would have been mature and advisable of her to give him the heads up that she’s now dating the nephew of his biggest enemy so he doesn’t find out from said enemy. Just as a kindness to someone she presumably once loved.
  • AB’s absent from Lemon and Zoe’s lives because she’s banging Barry Watson all hours of the night and day — good for her! — and so they are forced to turn to one another for advice on all things romantic, despite their mutual antipathy.
  • Zoe is AN IDIOT and goes on a date with a jackass. That’s not why she’s an idiot — if going on a first date with a jackass makes you an idiot, we are all idiots — but GOING ON A DATE WITH A DUDE THREE WEEKS AFTER A MASSIVE HEARTBREAK IS A BAD IDEA. That’s the time when you get crazy drunk and make out with strangers and come up with an unflattering nickname for your ex (I called one of mine “RatFace” for a time; very mature), not go on real dates.  Then she decides to sell the house she just remodeled. Well, great. So glad that literally 100% of Zoe’s plot for this season has turned out to have zero lasting meaning.
  • Hot hot Robert Buckley is BACK and he’s HOT and Lemon doesn’t nail him because he’s a Travelling Man who can’t settle down in BlueBell — due to being a news producer — and she’s looking for something serious. Let me just say, with the wisdom of my accumulated years: when hot hot Robert Buckley pops into town and is all hot, NAIL HIM. GOD.
  • I’m pretty sure George is falling back in love with Lemon.
  • Vivian is the worst, and Wade deserves better. Not least because she wore an ABSURD outfit that was barely on screen, so I couldn’t get a snap of it. It was skintight pink jeans and ANOTHER MIDRIFF-BARING TOP. Ugh, Vivian. You can go now.

Fug the Show: Hart of Dixie recap, season 3, episode 17

I must say, I thought this episode was VERY cute. In short: Zoe visits a psychic who tells her that she’s been cursed for breaking up George and Lemon (“Lemorge,” as Zoe puts it, which is NOT a name that makes one likely to ‘ship a pair) and who tells her that the only way she can get uncursed is by getting them back together. This is a Class A Zoe Hart Shenanigan of the Week, and it’s excellent. It also goes about as badly as you can imagine, as Lemorge do NOT have feelings for each other, beyond each really wanting to repeat their recent roll in the hay. In other news, AB’s Mystery Knight has been revealed, and it’s Barry Watson, and of course he is somehow related to the Mayor of Fillmore because when this show doesn’t know what to do for conflict it has someone date someone from Fillmore (albeit generally with amusing results, so I will allow it. Also, I like Barry Watson). And Vivian’s ex-husband hates Wade for a variety of reasons and Vivian decides to make this WADE’S problem rather than dealing with her own ex-husband herself because, as Jill pointed out so wisely in the comments a couple of weeks ago, Vivian leaves all the heavy lifting in their relationship to Wade. Vivian also wears something highly inappropriate, but Lemon looks AWESOME. So we have that going for us.


Fug the Show: Hart of Dixie recap, season 3, episode 16

Zoe Hart, sometimes you are an idiot. Sure, for reasons that cannot be contravened without making this a wholly other show, but still. STILL.


Fug the Show: Hart of Dixie Recap: Season 3 Episode 15

In which we find out how Hart of Dixie plans to jettison Joelle.


Fug the Show: Hart of Dixie recap, season 3 episode 14

All hail the return of Lemon! This episode had a lot of fun stuff in it, namely, a lot of Don Todd and his Monster Golf Safari, and a VERY ELABORATE PARTY thrown together at the last minute, which was extreme even by BlueBell standards. Essentially, though, not that much happened: Lemon is back, and she’s got two dudes fighting over her (her grandmother’s hot chauffeur and the bedimpled Carter Covington); Zoe’s PR artiste mother acts a fool and Zoe allows it because she wants her mother’s affection, because Zoe truly acts like the misunderstood heroine of a YA novel half the time, which is only cute when you are in fact 16; Magnolia is not dead, but she does have a new haircut. Sadly, my theory that Zoe’s Mom and Brick were going to fall in love and get married, making Lemon and Zoe step-sisters, sadly does not appear as though it will come to pass. Pour some out, and then onto the flapper dresses. Which were spectacular, especially since everyone had 12 hours to source them in a tiny town in Alabama, albeit a tiny town in Alabama well known for throwing constant fancy dress events. Also: Meatball and a continuity error that I cannot believe I noticed.


Fug the Show: Hart of Dixie recap, season 3, episode 13

This episode featured some stellar work from Scott Porter, the glorious return of Lavon’s Kitchen Pastry, and a moment where I thought, “well, this show has FINALLY figured out what to do with Tom Long.” Plus, a variety of good outfits and two really bad man-tunics. The fate of this show is up in the air — The CW has renewed Supernatural (which is going to run until the sun explodes), The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Arrow, and Reign, but everything else is still a big old question mark. I hope they do renew it, both because I think it’s great, and because I am slightly concerned that if they don’t, we’re going to end the whole thing on a cliffhanger. (If we do, I hope it’s Models, Inc style, where someone has been thrown off a balcony and someone else is trapped in a whorehouse in Mexico.)