Listen, I just saw a snap of Taylor Momsen grinding in a black bikini layered underneath a fishnet dress (and not at, like, a goth pool party or something). By comparison, on my watch, both of these ladies look delightful. But let’s compare them anyway!
Fug File: Harry Potter
I just figured you guys might want another look at Neville Longbottom’s Hotness on a Friday afternoon.
I feel like we need to talk him into playing the hero in the movie based on the book that I haven’t written based on this hat that Helena Bonham Carter wore. You know. He’s the cocky young rich heir to an earldom and a fabulous manor, and he tootles around the English countryside in a silver convertible Aston Martin and all his luggage is fabulously beat-up but enormously expensive and he doesn’t really DO anything, and he’s very sarcastic and cutting but it’s actually just because He’s Sensitive And Doesn’t Know How to Express Himself and Is Afraid to Love…UNTIL The Fateful House Party where Helena Bonham Carter arranges to put him in the bedroom next to, oh, say, a charming brunette American who is as sassy as he is! BUT! She’s engaged — obviously to a total prat who makes fun of her writing and never lights her cigarettes (it’s the 1930s, leave me alone) — WHAT WILL HAPPEN? (They get together in the end, don’t worry.) Can we get on that?
JAMIE CAMPBELL BOWER: I am SUPER EXCITED about my new endorsement deal!
BONNIE WRIGHT: It’s clearly not for hairbrushes.
JCB: What’s that, most precious flower of my love? My sweet little satin-wrapped schoolteacher-looking tartlet?
BW: Oh, nothing! Nothing! What are you endorsing?
JCB: Duh! FAUX TAN. They’re calling it GRINDELGLOW! It’s the Bronzer Favored By Grindelwald!
BW: I don’t remember Grindelwald being described as tan in the book…
JCB: No! But don’t you think, while he was off nursing his wounds from breaking up with Dumbledore-slash-maybe accidentally murdering someone, he TOTALLY went bumming around, like, Ibiza and stuff?
BW: I…thought he was off plotting all kinds of nefarious stuff and raising an army for world domination and acting as a kind of proto-Voldemort?
JCB: You can TOTALLY do that poolside!
BW: Our marriage is going to be really entertaining.
I love this.
The dress is pretty fantastic — especially considering Her Usual — but then the hat is both AWESOME and TOTALLY CRACKED OUT, as it expected from Fug Favorite HBC. She looks like the somewhat barmy but wickedly fun hostess at a weekend-long house party in the English countryside in the 30s. The sort that starts serving cocktails at the pool — which is lined with fabulous tile, of course. I have a very vivid image of this house in my head — at 11:30am and assigns bedrooms by sticking the person in question smack between their Secret Lover and their Arch Rival. For the drama, obviously. And then by the time dinner rolls around, she sticks one of her many outrageous chapeaux on her head and goes down to the dining room to watch the drunken sparks fly with a silent smirk. As it should be.
We are hitting the sweet spot for Harry Potter coverage: twice a day for good ol’ Hermione Granger here, and more to come. (Wait until you see Tonks!) It’s sort of bittersweet — much like when I read the last book, I both CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THE MOVIE and also never wanted it to come, because then it’s over.
But Emma seems to be enjoying herself! And I think the dress is divine. It could so easily veer into Black Swan as Costumed By Buf-Puf, but I think she managed to land on the right side of that line and smack on Fabulous.