Fug File: green

Oscars Fug Carpet: Paz de la Huerta

I mean… sure, okay, whatever.

It looks like she was drinking from the chocolate fountain WITH HER MOUTH, but hey, there is a silver lining: I didn’t have to be there while she was walking from point A to point Crotch.


Well Played: Heidi Klum

Let’s get real:

When she gets it right, she really gets it right.

[Photos: WENN.com]


Golden Globes Trend Carpet: Best/Worst Green

Aside from the preponderance of ruffles, the big trend at the Globes seemed to be dark green. Or hunter green, or forest green, or British racing green — whatever you want to call it. I call it a welcome trend on a night where there were a lot of non-hues; I also call it potentially dangerous to all the actresses who wore it whose names aren’t Angelina Jolie, because I could see her going home and calling her posse of knife-collecting assassins and suggesting that they slice and dice all the women who upstaged her color story. Although, Catherine Zeta-Jones will probably be fine. I imagine her as being impervious to knives. She is certainly impervious to cranky toothpicks who don’t know how to do their hair. Oh, yes, Angie, I said it. I may have liked your green and I may have liked the dress on you, but we’re not blind to your head-suit. Perhaps some nutrients would help?

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Golden Globes Well Played: Mila Kunis

MORE GREEN! I loved this one:

Especially after reviewing Mila’s last year of red carpet outfits, most of which were some kind of neutral. In comparison, this is some kind of WONDERFUL HAHAHAHAH SEE WHAT I DID THERE oh God Globes fever has set in. It SOUNDS fun, but it actually leads to hacky cracks like that, as well as a painful rash. Ahem. I apologize.

What I Mean Is, It’s Great


Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Well Played, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones

Did anyone not tear up a little when Michael Douglas and CZJ swept onto the red carpet together?

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones

Tears over him, because he’s reportedly beaten his throat cancer — tears I also shed, I might add, when everyone gave him a standing ovation as he walked out on stage, to which he humbly replied something akin to, “There has to be an easier way to get a standing ovation” — and tears over her, because well, it would be pretty bad-ass to be her. Look at her owning that thing. It’s massive. It’s mossy. It’s textured. It’s drapey. And it’s kind of fan-freaking-tastic on her. She knows it, too. Her face says, “Yes, that’s right. My husband beat cancer, and I beat all these other bitches in green, and you will be looking at me EVERY SINGLE TIME you catch sight of even a tiny strip of this dress on the screen. And you will LIKE IT, because I am Catherine Zeta-Jones, and I am still the reigning Most Pregnant Woman Ever To Haul Ass Up Onto An Awards Stage And Carry Off A Trophy, and admit it, you thought I was going to go into labor right then and there and have Jack Nicholson cut the cord. But I didn’t, because I am SO FABULOUS that my cervix actually obeys my orders.”

In other words, I really like that dress.


Golden Globes Fug or Fab: Elisabeth Moss

PROS: I love this color on her, like, A LOT:

And the neckline and bodice are charming. But I am legitimately kind of confused by the hips: to me, it looks like they have very intricate pleats, which she’s kind of screwed up by continually posing with her hands on them. So it’s gotten kind of Wrinkled McPerplexing, when it probably looked amazing on the dress form (I think this is a custom Donna Karan, so I can’t find a shot of it on a model to compare).

And the back is a concern: