I wanted to begin the slideshow way I had hoped the series would’ve ended: Georgina Sparks, wearing somebody’s hand mirror on her neck, staring with narrowed eyes at some unknown target. I was praying for a spinoff — The Georgina Monologues, or Sparks & Recreation. Anything. Sigh. Instead, the show reveals the non-burning secret: WHO IS GOSSIP GIRL? I honestly always liked that the show just treated her as omniscient evil and never tried to make much of a mystery out of her identity, but I know they had to do SOMETHING, and apparently, the Seinfeld-style ending where they’re all left in prison for the good of society wasn’t on the table.
Fug File: Gossip Girl
At this point, the finale season is a failure if it DOESN’T end with Georgina Sparks poisoning their food and then becoming President.
This episode attempts to convince us that Serena Van Der Woodsen knows how to cook and is capable of grocery shopping. Character growth is fine and all, but let’s not overreach, eh, Gossip Girl?
Some of the dominoes are starting to fall — we get a nice twist about Ivy’s co-conspirator — but the most important facet of this episode is: This show’s power teens dress like my nightmares.
In which Blair looks as cute as her designs are abysmal, Ivy looks like a spandex hooker, and Chuck Bass looks at a Windows Phone like it’s a naked lady.
You are going to die inside when you see Blair’s latest design. I think the show actually burrowed under rock bottom right then and planted a little flag down there.