Fug File: go big or go home

Well Played: Myleene Klass in Dennis Basso at the Olivier Awards


I’ve always liked Myleene Klass. We did something with her years ago and she was incredibly cool, so I was always sad that her hosting opportunity in the U.S. — I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! — was on such a turd of a show.

Yeah, I’d say she rebounded from that just fine.

[Photo: WENN]

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It’s a Good Fug/Hilariously Played, Karolina Kurkova


Martha, Martha, MARTHA.

If, and only if, this ballet you’re seeing is about the time Dorothy Zbornak took a South Beach spin class taught by Charo, then I accept you wearing gold lame dance pants. AND if this ballet you’re seeing is about the time Dorothy Zbornak took a South Beach spin class taught by Charo, and you didn’t send me tickets, I will NEVER do any scrapbooking ever again and what’s more A CRAFTING TABLE WILL NEVER ENTER THIS HOUSE. OH YES, YOU HEARD ME.

Just in case you were wondering whether the dress code for this event was Jazzerthighs:

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Fugging Love


Is it wrong that part of me HOPES that skirt detaches into a cape?

Because otherwise, Leona Lewis is wearing a  run-of-the-mill cocktail dress that makes her boobs look fake, is a cautionary tale about the crotch-skimming dangers of static cling, and has a Carrie Underwood complex. But if she could rip that thing off and swoosh it around her shoulders, Leona could at least have a really awesome afternoon storming dramatically in and out of rooms after saying things like, “I am not your PLAYTHING,” and, “Don’t PATRONIZE me, Blake,” and, “GET ME THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.” Because if you’re going to wear something ugly, you should at least make it something fun.

[Photo: Splash News]

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Cramazingly Played, ALT


Just when you think ALT cannot possibly top himself….

He goes and adds that hat.

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Horsefugging


You may remember Sonia Kruger here as Tina Sparkle from the Baz Luhrmann film Strictly Ballroom, a movie in which people who push the boundaries of ballroom dance are viewed with wariness and suspicion.

That is a bit how I feel about Sonia pushing the boundaries of millinery — this is less a hat or a fascinator than it is a very elaborate eye patch, for the romantic pirate blooming within. But at least it goes thematically with the dress, which evokes a turret window in a Barbie Dream Castle. Barbie would be all about an ocularly floral pirate kidnapping her from her tower and treating her to a class in flower arranging on the high seas.
However, a right eye in full blossom does not compare to an entire tree. To paraphrase the cherished Australian hero Mick “Crocodile” Dundee, that’s not a hat…

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Met Ball Fug or Fab: Coco Rocha


Okay, I know I just lavished a bunch of praise on Katy Perry for going whimsical, but this one has me a lot more skeptical. There’s fun harmelss-unless-you-run-through-a-sprinkler light-up whimsy, and then there’s the kind of thing that could kill you or anyone else:

First, that reminds me of every Bed In A Bag on sale around the time I was going off to college. Second, it can’t be comfortable; Coco looks like she can’t even stand up straight, although if she topples over, it’ll make one hell of a safety net. (However, if in ten years she has to have back surgery, I know what the culprit will be.) Third, if she doesn’t trip on it, smart money is on SOMEONE trampling this train while she’s moving, and taking a header into Anna Wintour’s lap. Fourth, Coco will then have to post bail for that person when that person gets arrested. Fifth, I hope that person is Chloe Sevigny, because that’s just funny. Sixth, the more I look at this, the more I want to take a nap. Seventh, I’m sure it detaches, so that when she goes inside, she’s not dragging that thing behind her like a giant tie-dyed body bag. Eighth, YIKES, I only just now noticed the streamers dancing blithely around her arms. Ninth, is Coco thus suggesting that the American woman ought to shove a maypole up her identity? Tenth, surely the only reason one wears this knd of thing is to get on the blogs, so I guess in this case, it’s an unqualified success regardless of whether it’s fug, fab, or something in between.

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