Fug File: Glee

Fug the Photoshoot: Glee


Dear Conde Nast:

[Click here if you want to see this in its ginormous glory.]

I understand the intense drive to Use the Magic of Computers to create a photo that Is Perfect. But you know that the over-reliance on Photoshop in the place of what used to be called JUST TAKING AN AWESOME PICTURE has turned photos like these into Frankenstein’s Monsters, right? No one’s legs are properly attached. People’s heads are just cut from one shoot and plopped into another. Like, Chord Overstreet back there? It looks like you just grabbed a rejected pic from his Teen Vogue shoot and pasted it into this one. Not a single person in this shot looks like they were ever in the same room as any other person in this shot. Dianna Agron is missing a leg and looks like a robot. Ashley Fink is a floating head in a top hat (no comment on the fact that it’s somewhat suspect that the plus size girl is stuck in the back where we can’t see her body at all, except I totally just made that comment). (And LOTS of comments on the fact that apparently Naya Rivera and Amber Riley were unable to make the shoot, which was then apparently not rescheduled to accommodate them. Look, I get that coordinating a shoot like this is probably a logistical clusterf…er, fiasco, but I also would just like to suggest that Vogue would be well-advised to be sensitive to the fact that they aren’t exactly known for featuring women of color and it might be in their best interests to make an effort to highlight the diversity of Glee‘s cast. Especially because Vogue is becoming increasingly obsolete for the sort of woman who used to read it regularly: AKA people who like outfits in general but who aren’t Eating-Breathing-Sleeping Fashion. You guys, when the economy is in the toilet, and the toilet is ON FIRE, maybe you shouldn’t even pretend to care if pretending to care takes the form of a feature called “Steal of the Month” and a “steal” is often, like, a $200 tee shirt. A $200 tee shirt IS NOT A STEAL WHY ARE YOU EVEN PRETENDING YOU KNOW ABOUT DEALS? MY GOD.) Anyway. Where was it? Oh, right: this picture! It’s SO manipulated in post that it doesn’t even look real, and because it doesn’t even look real, it utterly lacks charm. Slight imperfections are what make group photos charming — why do you think people post their old class photos on Facebook?

In short, Y’ALL NEED TO GET A GRIP AND PUT DOWN THE PASTE FEATURE.

Thank you for your kind attention,

Jessica

[Photo: Mario Testino/Vogue]

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Glee: Fug-D


Okay, now I’m just confused:

Is that a….dress? A top? A nightgown? A Project Runway challenge reject? A re-purposed shawl? The cloth that used to be draped over her bedside table before she realized that it’s impossible to dust a cloth, and also she looked like she was living in Cost Plus World Market? Part of the Winona Ryder Memorial Exhibit at the local Costumery/90s Nostalgia Fest? Something that fell off the back of the Time-Traveling Bus going to Lilith Faire? WHAT????

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Fug the Cover: Dianna Agron


Oh dear God, Cosmo. “What Your Va-Jay-Jay Is Dying To Tell You”? I suspect it might be, “stop writing headlines implying I could die. Also, stop putting the word ‘va-jay-jay’ on the covers of magazines because it makes me imagine the conversation the magazine staff had about whether or not it took hyphens, and that’s the most ridiculous conversation ever, second perhaps to the one Jessica once had when she still worked in TV wherein it was debated whether ‘[BLEEP]hole’ was funnier than ‘ass[BLEEP]‘.” (For the record, we went with “ass[BLEEP]” for purposes of clarity. A BLEEPhole could be anything!) I also suspect my va-jay-jay would like me to use its full name, or at least a new nickname — like, say, “Esther”! Think of all the puns you could use playing off the ORPHAN tagline, “There’s Something Wrong With Esther,” Cosmo! Perfect for next month’s Yeast Infection Spectacular! Or “Amanda Woodward,” because your vagina is the boss, and suffers no fools. Or “Va-Jay-Z,” in case your vagina is awesome and is making an album with Kanye and likes to hang out on yachts with Beyonce. I mean, the possibilities are endless.  Let’s be more creative, people.

Ahem. Va-jay-jays aside: Dianna Agron. So pretty. It’s a shame Cosmo felt the need to make her (perhaps not totally well-thought-out) haircut look like the wig Ben Stiller wears in Tropic Thunder when he’s playing Simple Jack, and that they somehow decided it would be SEXIER if her right arm looked like someone put it through a laundry press and then stuck it back on her body. MAYBE her Va-Jay-Jay is dying to tell her, “GO SEE A DOCTOR ABOUT YOUR FREAKY MUTANT ARM!” You never know.

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Fug or Fab: Jayma Mays


Pros: It’s romantic, it fits, it’s interesting.

Cons: It would be equally at home on the gift table at a Upper East Side baby shower.

Yeah, but:

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Fug or Fab: Lea Michele


Most of the reason I’m putting this up for a poll is, the dress seemed so beside the point that I can’t even really tell what it IS, much less whether I like it. Girlfriend has never met a carpet she didn’t turn into a runway. Tyra Banks would drool.

Do you like?

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Fug or Fab: Lea Michele


I have questions about the Glee movie, including: why? And, is it a movie with a plot, or a filmed version of the concert, done solely because America’s teens have been agitating for more opportunities to have Darren Criss’s crotch fly at them in 3D? And, is this outfit any good?

You tell me:

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