Fug File: Fug the Ad

Fug the Poster: The Secret Circle

Here’s MY question: Is the ad campaign for The Secret Circle SUPPOSED to look like the cover of a particularly juicy Lois Duncan novel? Because, if so, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Ditto if we’re supposed to be worrying about WhatsHerNuts from Life Unexpected accidentally setting her hair on fire with her own as-yet-untapped Majickal Flame-y Hands. At least, I ASSUME that’s her hand. It sort of seems to be emerging from the bottom of the frame like Carrie’s hand from the grave at the end of (spoiler!) Sex and the City 3. Whoops, I mean, Carrie.  And while OBVIOUSLY I was planning on watching The Secret Circle regardless (teen witches from The Vampire Diaries people is right up my alley), if there IS a disembodied fiery hand in the cast, I am EXTRA in.


Fug the Ad: Project Runway

So, coincidentally, I’d been meaning to fug this ad even before Jessica linked to it yesterday, because it’s on a bus stop near my house and it makes me INSANE, which is not a good thing when you are driving a car. Caveat: I do not blame Tim Gunn for this. I’m sure he just did what they told him to do.

Let’s examine the pros and cons what this ad could possibly convey to a casual passer-by:

1) “Hi, I’m Tim Gunn, and I’m still employed.” Pro. He was the only sane one of all the show’s elders last year.

2) “Hi, I’m Tim Gunn. Can you believe Gretchen won last season? I KNOW.” Pro. See above.

3) “Hi, I’m Tim Gunn, and I have SUCH a migraine. My doctor says I’m clenching at night.” Con. We don’t want Tim to be in pain.

4) “Hi, I’m Tin Gunn, and this isn’t a job. It’s WORK. Oy.” Con. Next time, put the “it” somewhere less stupid so people can see it, rather than assume Tim’s complaining.

5) “Hi, I’m Tim Gunn, and these cast members are all so terrible that you will watch the show with this expression on your face every single time.” Con. I have enough wrinkles.

6) “Hi, I’m Tim Gunn, and this is what 90 minutes feels like this time around.” Con. The show shouldn’t look like a slog before it even starts. Let us get five minutes in before we feel that way.

7) “Hi, I’m Tim Gunn. Seriously, no, you didn’t dream last season.” Pro — we are glad Mondo really happened — and also Con, because SERIOUSLY, in the span of one episode, Nina went from deriding Gretchen’s collection as mere clothes, then loving it and branding it a winner, with naught but a styling tweak? No.

8 ) “Hi, I’m Tim Gunn, and I really should have gotten a raise.” Con. Tim always deserves more.

9) “Hi, I’m Tim Gunn, and WHAT IS HEIDI WEARING?” Pro. Admit it.

10) “Hi, I’m Tim Gunn. Just… don’t even bother.” Con. Or is it a secret pro?

TOTAL: Four pros, six cons. Or 4.5/5.5, depending on how you voted on that last one. But frankly, if you are an ad, and there are ANY cons to your message, then you have problems. And after the protested end to last season, Project Runway can’t really afford to make itself seem like, well, work.


Fug the Ad: Jessica Simpson

I guess I FANCY YOU must be the Daytime Slacks version of J Simp’s other perfume, FANCY NIGHTS. And her other, other perfume, FANCY LOVE. Seriously, at this point, I legitimately think she is just working up to being allowed to sell something called FANCY: I LOVE THAT REBA MCENTIRE SONG FANCY: I CAN’T CLOSE MY MOUTH: NOT WITHOUT MY OXYGEN. Sure, it sounds like a Lifetime movie, but you can’t tell me that FANCY NIGHTS does not.


Fug the Ad: Justin Bieber


… this will be less pervy and illegal.



This is Emma Watson, shooting a Lancome campaign in Paris — excuse me, Lancôme; you know the hat over the O must matter because Emma is also wearing a hat. Synergy! However, I hope this ad looks better in motion, because in still frames she looks like the love child of Charlie Chaplin and Chloe Sevigny — a child, in fact, that the world should rue does not exist, because THINK of the Fug Madness seedings.

[Photos: Splash News]


Fug the Ad: Melissa Leo

So, there’s this very weird tale circulating of Melissa Leo bankrolling her own promotional ads in advance of the Oscars, presumably to sway voters into giving her the statuette. Lainey Gossip correctly notes that this is a very bizarre thing to do when you have won every single lead-up award and are the heavy favorite for Oscar; it’s not like she is jumping up and down in the back of the class, desperate for her hand to be seen because she has the answer to the question. When Deadline Hollywood Daily reported it, the site included quotes from Leo about how the ad is really just purely promoting Melissa Leo, The Actress, claiming she can’t land a magazine cover because this town is ageist (which she calls “the great dilemma and mystery of getting a cover of a magazine”). So either she did it as an Oscar campaign she may not need, or suddenly Melissa Leo is randomly and inexplicably all about being a cover girl (as opposed to a CoverGirl, although maybe that’s on the agenda too), which, considering she didn’t even wear decent makeup on the red carpet as recently as The Fighter‘s December premiere, is really out of whack with my perception of her.

Regardless, if she is going to go to all that trouble to say whatever the hell it is that she’s trying to say, here is my question:

Shouldn’t she have considered using a better photo? Melissa Leo is a good-looking woman, but in this photo she looks more like a melange of peculiarities than a cohesive whole. I mean, for one thing, she seems to have Shannen Doherty Face. Not that there’s anything wrong with Brenda Walsh’s looks — I love her — but the famous, pronounced asymmetry of her features is not really something I’ve ever associated with Melissa here. She looks neither like the pre-makeup earthy Melissa, nor the revitalized hottie from the Globes red carpet. This in-between nether world is just Painted Actress of A Certain Age, One Of Whose Eyes Might Be Sliding Down Her Face, Is Going To Jump Out Of This Magazine And Peck You To Death If You Don’t Consider Her. And does she really need to try this hard? She’s about to be an Oscar-winner. She works a ton. I’m assuming even if she loses the Oscar, winning everything else is going to get her some work. But now someone might look at this and think, “Oh, that’s the CONSIDER lady. I think  maybe I’ll CONSIDER calling someone else.” I hope not, for her sake, but … seriously, Melissa, have someone else pick the photo next time.


Fug the Ad: Jennifer Aniston

We’ve talked about this ad before, but this is the first really complete look we’ve gotten at it, and MAN. As Heather pointed out, there’s nothing particularly WRONG with it — it looks like the perfume is perfect for the girl who goes to Malibu every summer for long sunny afternoons of tearful beach yoga and bitching about her ex (we’ve all been there) — but there remains something sincerely amazing about the fact that even when she is essentially naked, Jennifer Aniston is STILL sporting a neutral-colored strapless number. Hey, the girl might have romantical problems but no one ever said she was bad at branding.

[Photo: Splash News]