Fug File: Fug the Ad

Fugcome


This is Emma Watson, shooting a Lancome campaign in Paris — excuse me, Lancôme; you know the hat over the O must matter because Emma is also wearing a hat. Synergy! However, I hope this ad looks better in motion, because in still frames she looks like the love child of Charlie Chaplin and Chloe Sevigny — a child, in fact, that the world should rue does not exist, because THINK of the Fug Madness seedings.

[Photos: Splash News]

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Fug the Ad: Melissa Leo


So, there’s this very weird tale circulating of Melissa Leo bankrolling her own promotional ads in advance of the Oscars, presumably to sway voters into giving her the statuette. Lainey Gossip correctly notes that this is a very bizarre thing to do when you have won every single lead-up award and are the heavy favorite for Oscar; it’s not like she is jumping up and down in the back of the class, desperate for her hand to be seen because she has the answer to the question. When Deadline Hollywood Daily reported it, the site included quotes from Leo about how the ad is really just purely promoting Melissa Leo, The Actress, claiming she can’t land a magazine cover because this town is ageist (which she calls “the great dilemma and mystery of getting a cover of a magazine”). So either she did it as an Oscar campaign she may not need, or suddenly Melissa Leo is randomly and inexplicably all about being a cover girl (as opposed to a CoverGirl, although maybe that’s on the agenda too), which, considering she didn’t even wear decent makeup on the red carpet as recently as The Fighter‘s December premiere, is really out of whack with my perception of her.

Regardless, if she is going to go to all that trouble to say whatever the hell it is that she’s trying to say, here is my question:

Shouldn’t she have considered using a better photo? Melissa Leo is a good-looking woman, but in this photo she looks more like a melange of peculiarities than a cohesive whole. I mean, for one thing, she seems to have Shannen Doherty Face. Not that there’s anything wrong with Brenda Walsh’s looks — I love her — but the famous, pronounced asymmetry of her features is not really something I’ve ever associated with Melissa here. She looks neither like the pre-makeup earthy Melissa, nor the revitalized hottie from the Globes red carpet. This in-between nether world is just Painted Actress of A Certain Age, One Of Whose Eyes Might Be Sliding Down Her Face, Is Going To Jump Out Of This Magazine And Peck You To Death If You Don’t Consider Her. And does she really need to try this hard? She’s about to be an Oscar-winner. She works a ton. I’m assuming even if she loses the Oscar, winning everything else is going to get her some work. But now someone might look at this and think, “Oh, that’s the CONSIDER lady. I think  maybe I’ll CONSIDER calling someone else.” I hope not, for her sake, but … seriously, Melissa, have someone else pick the photo next time.

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Fug the Ad: Jennifer Aniston


We’ve talked about this ad before, but this is the first really complete look we’ve gotten at it, and MAN. As Heather pointed out, there’s nothing particularly WRONG with it — it looks like the perfume is perfect for the girl who goes to Malibu every summer for long sunny afternoons of tearful beach yoga and bitching about her ex (we’ve all been there) — but there remains something sincerely amazing about the fact that even when she is essentially naked, Jennifer Aniston is STILL sporting a neutral-colored strapless number. Hey, the girl might have romantical problems but no one ever said she was bad at branding.

[Photo: Splash News]

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Fug or Fab: Emma Watson


Why, hello there, Emma Watson:

How coy you look. Coy, and potentially clad in your nightgown. Let’s take a closer look:

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Fug the Poster: Burlesque


First of all, please understand that I am TOTALLY going to see this movie. Let’s be honest. It looks like the forbidden love child of Coyote Ugly and Showgirls. I’m obviously there. However: I can’t help but wonder whether or not the studio consciously intended for BOTH Cher and Xtina to appear both of indeterminate age and of similarly vague gender. On the other hand, I would ALSO totally go see a movie in which each of these roles was played by a man in drag, so I suppose it doesn’t really matter. In fact, I might be MORE interested in seeing THAT movie, so I guess what I’ve talked myself into saying is: WELL PLAYED, SONY.

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Fug the Poster: Hellcats


HEATHER HEMMENS: Yeah, so the right side of this billboard for my new show is cut off in this particular shot. But whatever. We’re not here to talk about the rest of the tagline for the show, right? By the way: I look good.

ASHLEY TISDALE: I also look good. Albeit a bit smug. You love me smug, though, don’t you, America? Don’t forget to come see my Sharpay movie, Legally Blonde 4: Sharpay, or whatever they’re calling that thing now. Thank god I woke up in time to go to that HSM audition, though, am I right?

ALYSON MICHALKA: I got hit in the back of the head by a brick two minutes before they snapped this photo.

ROBBIE JONES: Yeah, don’t ask me why Aly looks like she just got hit in the back of the head with a brick. I’m just stoked the CW still loves me. Remember how AWESOME I was on One Tree Hill and how TRAGIC it was when I died? YOU TOTALLY CRIED. Don’t lie. I know you cried.

HEATHER: I did cry. I’m not made of stone.

ASHLEY: I also cried.

ALYSON: I feel weird.

ROBBIE: Well, I’m BACK! In a cheerleading show! It’ll be like Bring It On meets Bring It On 2! I can’t wait! Chad Michael Murray, my career is officially healthier than yours is right now!

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