[Photos: Christian Siriano]
Fug File: Fug the Ad
IT IS UPON US: Tonight, NBC is airing a three-hour live Sound of Music extravapalooza starring Carrie Underwood and Stephen “True Blood” Moyer (or as I’m calling him, Compton Von Trapp). It’s based on the Broadway musical and not the movie, which means the songs and who sing them change a little. This skews my expertise because I’ve never seen the stage show, due to being so enamored of the film and Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer and Charmian Carr and Eleanor Parker’s fascinating drawn-on eyebrows and Marni “Eliza Doolittle’s Voice” Nixon and (I almost wrote Marti Noxon, although if she had been in it I’m sure I’d have loved her too) and Lila Quartermaine and Future Mrs. Robert Urich and Friedrich’s teeth and KURT THAT’S THE ONE I FORGOT GOD BLESS KURT and even crazy somewhat-hard-to-listen-to Peggy Wood. While we wait to see how this version stacks up — we will be tweeting throughout the West Coast airing at @fuggirls; what’s the over/under on how far into this thing we’re thrown into Twitter jail? — let’s dish the promotional/rehearsal stills.
And no, we are not being paid to discuss the poster; longtime readers of the site, or even possibly short-time readers of the site, should not be surprised that Jessica and I have been looking forward to this with equal parts glee and dread. It likely won’t have anything as glorious as Plummer’s near-homicidal delivery of “THERE ISN’T GOING TO BE ANY BARONESS… ANYMORE” and Friedrich’s teeth screaming “FRAULEIN MARIA’S COME BACK FROM THE ABBEY” about ten seconds too late. But it has Audra McDonald, so… I’m listening.
Let’s talk about how Michelle Williams looks in these new Louis Vuitton ads:
Because I think she looks great. One of the things that I occasionally find off-putting about her on the red carpet is that she has a tendency to revert to the twee, and she sometimes comes off as very fragile and delicate. Which she may be — and it’s not a crime to be fragile and delicate, but I personally just don’t find it super appealing at all times. But here, she looks so confident and direct. It’s sexy. The bold makeup doesn’t hurt, either (as People StyleWatch pointed out, her brows look awesome). It’s basically a very, very different look than we’re used to seeing from her, and I wish it would stick around.
It’s worth noting that, while I’m not a huge fan of the LV bags because I’m not that sprung on visible logos (unless you’re talking about vintage LV luggage, duh), that bag is kinda great, too. Champers all around!
[Photos: Louis Vuitton]
Olivia Munn here seems to be the anti-Jessica Chastain. She needs to put DOWN the eyebrow pencil. And by “pencil” I might mean “Sharpie.”
OH COME ON.
This poster for the new season of Project Runway has allegedly been banned here in Los Angeles for being “too sexy,” but personally, I would like to ban it for being TOO STUPID. How stupid is it? Let me count the ways:
- Marie Antoinette, who is, I assume, the historical figure Heidi is referencing, was JAILED AND DECAPITATED so not really the sexy awesome role model to be emulating. Maybe try Elizabeth I next time. Or, I don’t know, REALIZE THAT HISTORICAL FIGURES HAVE LITERALLY NOTHING TO DO WITH A TV SHOW WHERE DESIGNERS SPEND MOST OF THEIR TIME BITCHING AT/WITH EACH OTHER AND THEN FOISTING OFTEN HIDEOUS CREATIONS UPON US. Unless it’s Project Historical Runway where every week they have to make something historically accurate for whatever time period they’re assigned — WWII, the Dark Ages, the Crusades, disco — and then they get judged by historians. For what it’s worth, I would watch that show!
- UM. Why is everyone naked? ON A SHOW ABOUT CLOTHES? Is it because….they need to be clothed by the contestants? And they really really REALLY want to get dressed and that’s why they’re all, like, WORSHIPING Heidie Klummette? In the hopes that she will hand them over to the people making the possibly hideous creations because at least a hideous creation is better than having your naked ass slapped on the side of a bus?
- Is her armrest composed of scissors? Is this also some weird Game of Thrones reference? WHAT IS HAPPENING OVER THERE, LIFETIME?
- My beloved Tim Gunn’s face says it all. And what all it says is: “This is stupid. I hate you all. I can’t believe you’re making me DO THIS. Can someone get my agent on the phone so I can get out of my contract YOU GUYS I HAVE CONCERNS. CONCERNS!!”
[Photo: Lifetime/Splash News]
This is the worst/best kind of movie poster, because it looks like a bare minimum of them were actually there at the same time and they all just got thrown together.
Topher Grace appears to be shooting at Katherine Heigl with an impotent finger gun while she beams at him with weirdly paternal pride, as if their subplot involves her adopting him for the tax benefits of having a dependent but he wants to bed her instead. Susan Sarandon looks like she’s delivering the barbaric yawp of Dead Poets Society fame because her wrist is exploding all over her white suit; Robert DeNiro looks like he was directed to act as if Robin Williams had just given him a wedgie; Robin Williams all, “Heh-heh, I gave DeNiro a wedgie”; and Diane Keaton just seems to be wondering when the check will clear because her mortgage is coming due. Amanda Seyfried and Ben Barnes are clearly thinking, “Please promise us you won’t go see this,” which leaves poor Christine Ebersole up there in the left corner, who is all, “Why the hell am I being dragged into this? My name isn’t even on the top of the damn poster.” It is a hot mess. Translation: I’ll be watching it on a plane sometime in 2014.