Fug File: Fug Madness 2012

Fug Madness 2012, Round One: Cher Bracket, Part I


(1) KATY PERRY vs. (16) KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN

Well, well, well. Look who finally beat Kim in SOMETHING. It’s basically all she ever wanted, right? Kim must be gnashing her teeth right now. Look at all that Kourtney has! A man (such as he is)! A baby! Another baby on the way! AND NOW A FUG MADNESS BERTH. UNTOLD RICHES.

As far as she and Katy go, these two have more in common than you might thing. They both have names that start with K. They both have been in serious relationships with men who have, by their own admissions, over-imbibed and acted like a-holes. They have both been in serious relationships with men who have very carefully curated wardrobes. They both pay regular visits to Leg City. See?

I assume she didn’t intend to match her romper to her take-away bag from Bill ‘N’ Steve’s SkeezEmporium & Tightseteria?

Katy Perry is not immune to the charms of the matchy-matchy — not just here, but also in her archives:

Nor, apparently, to the Stereotypical Charms o’ The Geisha, I guess. (That sound you hear is geishas muttering, “leave us out of this, please. We have enough on our plates with this f’ing Client List thing happening. Everyone keeps asking us how we feel about it.”)

Kourtney’s not immune to…well, any accessory ever (this is also borne out by HER archives):

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Fug Madness 2012 Play-In Game: Kourtney vs Kim vs Khloe


No, we weren’t ignoring them. In fact, we’re making the Ks face off to fight one another to get into this thing — after all, what event is complete without one of the various Kardashians outside it, screaming at someone to let them in?  Whichever of the Kardashian sisters you deem the most sartorially challenged gets a pass into the Big Dance, where she will battle Katy Perry (another K — that feels so right) in the first round — and perhaps beyond! So take a look at what the Ks wore this year — make sure you pop by their archives; by no means is this little slideshow comprehensive, though it has some amazing stuff we ignored this year for one reason or another — and then COME BACK TO VOTE. (Obviously, the two women who lose will drop through a hole in the floor and into a vat of boiling hot magma.)

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Fug Madness 2012: The Printable Bracket


And so, now that we’ve unveiled the competitors, here is your printable bracket, in JPEG form…

… or as a PDF: Fug_Madness_bracket_2012

As a reminder, the eligibility period is Oscars to Oscars — so, from the end of last year’s Oscars through this year’s. An outfit doesn’t have to have been featured on the site to be eligible, as long as it was worn during the time period. Obviously, since the outcome of this contest factors into future world peace, the rules are very important. Although actually, whoever wins does have a history of going (semi-) quietly into the night, so…

To answer a few questions: The brackets are just names, not themes; people are seeded based on our opinion of their Year in Fug, and then randomly sorted into one of the four quadrants. Because the fate of the Earth hinges on us being so exacting, we use a deeply scientific method of How Famous Are You + How Bad Were Your Clothes + How Often Did You Go Outside This Year + Did You Come On Strong Late + That One Outfit Made Us So Angry + Yes, Emma Stone, We Love You, But Let’s Be Clear-Eyed About How Bad Some Of Your Outfits Were + We Don’t Care If You’re Performing Or A Kook-Snob Or What + Maybe I Just Don’t Like You. We try to mirror the Major Conference/Mid-Major setup of the actual NCAA Tournament, where it’s rare (but not impossible) that a team that isn’t a big name gets a top seed, and you can win a lower-tier conference and still only come away with a twelve seed because you’re just not a relative powerhouse. There are exceptions — Brangelina was placed very low this year despite their massive fame, because all the other seeds seemed in the right place so it wasn’t worth evicting one of them just to slot The Brange in at, say, an eight. And so forth. This is why we don’t do Selection Saturday podcasts. You would be asleep.

Any more questions? Check out FAQ Madness.

The play-in game will be tomorrow — we are keeping the participants a mystery until then — and Round One of the madness begins on Thursday. Make your picks, gird your loins, and vote your conscience. We hope you have an awesome time.

 

 

 

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Fug Madness 2012: Madonna Bracket


(1) NICKI MINAJ vs. (16) KATHERINE HEIGL

(2) JESSIE J vs (15) CASSIE

(3) BOOBS LEGSLY vs. (14) KE$HA

(4) SARAH JESSICA PARKER vs. (13) MELISSA GEORGE

(5) GINNIFER GOODWIN vs. (12) SHENAE GRIMES

(6) LEA MICHELE vs. (11) ERIN WASSON

(7) KRISTEN WIIG vs. (10) MIA WASIKOWSKA

(8) SHAILENE WOODLEY vs. (9) JAIME KING

We don’t do fictional characters, so the offerings of Lemon Breeland herself are off the table; fortunately, Lemon’s portrayer Jaime King whipped out a couple doozies herself. Lea Michele was a popular pick among commenters, but is it her good luck — or bad — that she gets Erin Wasson right off the bat?

 

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Fug Madness 2012: Charo Bracket


(1) JESSICA CHASTAIN vs. (16) KIRSTEN DUNST

(2) RIHANNA vs. (15) ANNE HATHAWAY

(3) CHRISTINA HENDRICKS vs. (14) PAULA PATTON

(4) FERGIE vs. (13) SOLANGE

(5) FLORENCE WELCH vs. (12) THOMAS JANE

(6) KATERINA GRAHAM vs (11) ROBYN

(7) OLIVIA WILDE vs. (10) JESSICA WHITE

(8) JESSICA BIEL vs. (9) KATIE HOLMES

Chastain as a top seed felt like a bold move, but NOBODY had a larger glut of outfits in the eligible period, she missed so much more often than she hit — even if it was just by a hair. Or a hem. Or a bodice, or a shoe, or… Well. We’re also excited to welcome Robyn into the fold, and even though Jessica White’s most recent Tarot caftan isn’t eligible, all of what she wore at Fashion Week is. Brace yourself, Olivia Wilde. We’ll soon see how bad a decision those bangs really were.

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Fug Madness 2012: Bjork Bracket


(1) J.LO vs. (16) KELLY OSBOURNE

(2) LADY GAGA vs. (15) JESSICA SZOHR

(3) JUSTIN BIEBER vs. (14) STELLA MCCARTNEY

(4) ASHANTI vs. (13) JACKSON RATHBONE

(5) EMMA STONE vs. (12) ANDREA RISEBOROUGH

(6) LINDSAY LOHAN vs. (11) CEE LO GREEN

(7) RASHIDA JONES vs. (10) MADONNA

(8) ALEXA CHUNG vs. (9) JENNIFER ANISTON

This is otherwise known as the O bracket — we have a J.Lo, a Kelly O, an R.Jo, an EmSto, and I can’t lie, LiLo vs. Cee Lo tickles me silly. I’m also excited for Rashida’s trial by fire against Her Madgesty, and to see whether upstart (and Madonna cohort) Andrea Riseborough can put down Emma Stone, who, yes, we all adore, but that was a LARGE body of work this year and she took some huge risks that sometimes shot her onto Planet Crackitude.

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Fug Madness 2012: Cher Bracket


It’s ba-aaack: The official Fug Madness seeding committee has met — so, I went over to Jessica’s, basically — and while we drank and supped on a year’s worth of fuggery (read: ate sandwiches, drank Diet Coke, and looked at our archives), we slotted all the names into our field of 64. We picked the one seeds, the two seeds, the three seeds, and so on down to the lowly sixteens, and then let our trusty Internet list randomizer assign each seed to a bracket. And as usual, the randomizer didn’t disappoint.

As usual, people are at odds about whether performances, or people who look costumey and/or intentionally over the top, should count. Here are our thoughts, in no particular order: 1) It’s just fun, not for science; 2) If you are a famous person willing to be seen wearing something in public, whether you’re being paid to perform or you’re just at the grocery store, it counts; 3) I reject the notion that looking cracked-out on stage is the whole point of performing, anyway; 4) I don’t for one second think any of those costumey people don’t also secretly — or unsecretly — think they look amazing; and 5) seriously, I bet Nicki  Minaj was FLOORED when people’s reaction to her Pope costume was, “Yawn, you are lame,” and not, “Woman, I bow down to the eternal potency of your genius.” Meaning, no matter WHAT Gaga or Minaj or Jessie J or whoever is wearing, I’ll wager they wouldn’t do it if a large part of them didn’t think it was going to suck people into their vortex. In other words, I don’t believe Gaga ever thinks she looks fugly, but rather that she looks majestic and Important, capital letter required. And that is why these people continue to be eligible in our eyes. We enjoy the debate, but in the end, we encourage you to remember point #1 and try to have fun with the spirited disagreements rather than letting them bum you out.

Now, without further ado:

 

(1) KATY PERRY vs. (16) PLAY-IN WINNER

(2) ROONEY MARA vs. (15) BRANGELINA

(3) VANESSA HUDGENS vs. (14) LUCY HALE

(4) MILEY CYRUS vs. (13) OLIVIA MUNN

(5) SELENA GOMEZ vs. (12) CHLOE SEVIGNY

(6) MICHELLE WILLIAMS vs. (11) TYRA BANKS

(7) HEIDI KLUM vs. (10) SWINTON

(8) ELIZABETH OLSEN vs. (9) THE OLSEN TWINS

This was, I swear, the whimsy of our randomizer at work — Olsen vs. Olsens is so perfect that there’s no way we’d have done it if the Internet hadn’t deemed it thus. We’re also excited to see how Heidi faces off against SWINTON, and whether Brangelina can survive first-year contender Rooney Mara — who, come to think of it, is an awful lot like an Angelina Jr., no? I could see her wearing some dude’s blood around her neck for a little while, for kicks.

And who’s populating the play-in game? That’s our secret, unveiled when the game tips off — so to speak — on Tuesday. But we think it’s a doozy.

We’ll be revealing the rest of the brackets throughout today, and giving you a printable bracket this afternoon. IT’S ON.  (Need a basic primer on how this works? It’s just like the NCAA tourney. Need to read the Fug Madness FAQ? You got it.)

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