Fug File: Fug Madness 2012

Fug Madness 2012, Round One: Bjork Bracket, Part II


 

(5) EMMA STONE vs. (12) ANDREA RISEBOROUGH

We often get accused on this site of having biases — like, only preferring a particular outfit because it’s on a particular person, or only hating something because we dislike the wearer. (To that I say: Well, it IS a site based on our opinions… and we can’t help why we have those opinions, but we do also always tell you if something in particular coloring our perspective.) But what cracks me up is, the SECOND we put Emma Stone at a five seed, we started getting protests in the comments from the folks who basically didn’t think we had ENOUGH bias, because they love her and therefore love everything she wears and think we are crackballs for taking a dim view of some of it. And look, we love her too. We’ve said that. A lot. Our point here was just that Emma, BECAUSE she can charm a brick off a wall, is probably one of the most coveted gets for any fashion designer. Including the highest of high-end ones. So given that, is she doing the best she could do? Fug Madness is when we try to set aside our rose-colored glasses and put on our Specs of Truth, so let’s ponder whether the risky repertoire of the incredibly famous omnipresent celeb (Emma) outfugs the shockingly brash and unattractive choices of the way less famous lady, whom most of us only know because she was in Madonna’s movie (hi, Andrea; you too are pretty).

Emma brought us this:

Her hips may not lie, but they’re definitely not as honest as Shakira’s.

For her part, Andrea brought us this:

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Fug Madness 2012, Round One: Cher Bracket, Part II


 

(2) ROONEY MARA vs. (15) BRANGELINA

Oscar nominee vs Oscar nominee!

Rooney really, really pounded the pavement for Girl With the Blunt-Cut Bangs.  I mean, seriously, take a stroll through her archives.  When everyone else was out Christmas shopping, she was all over the world doing this:

And this:

(Although I actually didn’t hate that, y’all’s feelings were mixed. As they also were about this, and this. ) No one’s feelings were particularly mixed about THIS, though:

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Fug Madness 2012, Round One: Madonna Bracket, Part I


(2) JESSIE J vs (15) CASSIE

I would so like to psychoanalyze why a girl this pretty decides she needs to shave chunks of her hair off to stand out, but that would basically turn into a doctoral thesis and have to include chapters on Lady Gaga and Self-Erasure, Katy Perry and Bubblegum Dumb, and… well, let’s just say the list would be long and mighty and I’d come out of it with about four advanced degrees because there is so much material.

Besides, the hair isn’t even Cassie’s whole problem. She’d get a whole sub-section on mesh bustiers.

And a heading called “Sweatpants: Are You Depressed, At The Gym, Or Simply Too Lazy To Do Laundry?” Trust me, I don’t judge any of those. But I also try not to take those with me to fashion shows. A shredded leather jacket doesn’t make them okay. It makes me wonder if you got mugged on your way out for tampons.

Cassie does occasionally pull together some more refined fuggery (of that slideshow, that is the only photo that’s eligible, sadly), but is it POSSIBLY ever going to be more thorough than what Jessie J brings to the table?

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Fug Madness 2012, Round One: Charo Bracket, Part I


(1) JESSICA CHASTAIN vs. (16) KIRSTEN DUNST

In an unusual turn of affairs, I legitimately like both of these actresses. They’re both talented and very disarming on the red carpet. Obviously, we’ve had a great fondness for Kiki ever since she said she liked this website — DURING A PERIOD WHERE WE CALLED HER DR. SUNKEN TITS. (Although, we were only quoting someone else’s nickname, but… it was a long time ago.) I mean, THAT is being a good sport.  And Chastain always comes across so bubbly with the Seacrest, and she brought her Grandma to the Oscars. Delightful! If only she could translate her delightful-ness to her wardrobe with any kind of regularity. Instead, this year she’s tended to fall directly into SO CLOSE category. Everything ALMOST works. And then totally does not. (With the exception of her Oscar dress, which, in the name of fairness, we must note she won Fug Nation’s Best Dressed.)

Like this is THEORETICALLY okay:

But practically a bit droopy. And this:

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Fug Madness 2012, Round One: Bjork Bracket, Part I


Note: The photos used are just representative samples, not the only evidence to consider; surf around and then vote your gut.

(2) LADY GAGA vs. (15) JESSICA SZOHR

Several people incorrectly thought Jessica Szohr was someone we randomly threw into the bracket without caring. That is how I feel about her wardrobe: random, without care, sometimes thrown.

I mean, that is terrible. You don’t even need to see the front, because the back of this silky shorts romper gives her ass quadrants. And remember her upholstered jumpsuit? Girlfriend earned the heck out of her seeding with that alone, even though there is so much more.

Can she stack up against this?

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Fug Madness 2012, Round One: Cher Bracket, Part I


(1) KATY PERRY vs. (16) KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN

Well, well, well. Look who finally beat Kim in SOMETHING. It’s basically all she ever wanted, right? Kim must be gnashing her teeth right now. Look at all that Kourtney has! A man (such as he is)! A baby! Another baby on the way! AND NOW A FUG MADNESS BERTH. UNTOLD RICHES.

As far as she and Katy go, these two have more in common than you might thing. They both have names that start with K. They both have been in serious relationships with men who have, by their own admissions, over-imbibed and acted like a-holes. They have both been in serious relationships with men who have very carefully curated wardrobes. They both pay regular visits to Leg City. See?

I assume she didn’t intend to match her romper to her take-away bag from Bill ‘N’ Steve’s SkeezEmporium & Tightseteria?

Katy Perry is not immune to the charms of the matchy-matchy — not just here, but also in her archives:

Nor, apparently, to the Stereotypical Charms o’ The Geisha, I guess. (That sound you hear is geishas muttering, “leave us out of this, please. We have enough on our plates with this f’ing Client List thing happening. Everyone keeps asking us how we feel about it.”)

Kourtney’s not immune to…well, any accessory ever (this is also borne out by HER archives):

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