Fug File: Fug Madness 2011

Fug Madness 2011, Round One: Bjork Bracket


(6) XTINA v. (11) CHERYL COLE

Surely, if you are reading this particular Web site, you are at least vaguely aware of what Christina Aguilera here has been up to of late, namely: promoting Burlesque with Cher, continuing to hang out with Cher, then falling off stages and getting boozed up. We’ve seen a lot of Xtina lately – remember her Globes ensemble? Also known as the night we all realized how much she looks like Snooki all of a sudden  — but allow me, please, to take this moment and remind you what she did this summer, while she was promoting her (non-starter) album:

Yeah.

And also this:

It’s nice to see a celebrity recycling outfits the way the rest of us do. Of course, for me that means I wear the same dress more than once. For her, it apparently means using different hot-pants to sass up her BeDazzled tights.

After the jump, A MESSAGE:

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Fug Madness 2011, Round One: Cher Bracket


And so it begins! Remember, the photos we use are just illustrative (and to, we hope, make an entertaining post). We encourage you always to check the contestants’ archives on this site — easily found by clicking here and starting to type the person’s name into the Featured Fuggers search box, or through links within these posts themselves — and even maybe Google them before you vote (remember, eligibility is from after last year’s Oscars up through Feb. 28, a.k.a., this year’s Oscars). If you want. Maybe you just like to close your eyes and click; I don’t know your life.

Here we go…

(1) TAYLOR MOMSEN vs. (16) JESSICA SZOHR

In the battle of the Forgotten Gossip Girls, let’s start with Vanessa From Brooklyn. Sidebar: We call La Szohr that because, as part of that Sobe campaign for which she shot the nude pics, her radio spots did not say, “Hi, it’s Vanessa from Gossip Girl.” Instead, they said, “It’s Vanessa… from Brooklyn,” with nary a mention of the show’s name, which is both hilarious and very conspicuous.

Also conspicuous: her underboob.

Jessica Szohr

But I guess it makes sense. The girl likes netting — as we all recall from this cracked-out shirt, and her Oscars “dress,” of course – and she likes making you look at her boobs, which we recall from this:

Jessica Szohr

I ASSUME that thing stayed up all night, since we didn’t hear any scandalous Us Weekly blurbs noting Vanessa from Brooklyn turning into Vanessa from Hookerlyn, but I bet it was a close call.  As much as she cherishes her lady-assets is how much I wish she would prize her hair, as it’s a hot mess here and doesn’t look much better when she top-knots it, not to mention how ratty it looks if/when Vanessa from Brooklyn makes an appearance on the CW.

But is all this enough to unseat top seed Taylor Momsen? They share a disregard for their hair and a predisposition for transparency. But to date, Szohr has yet to do this. Prepare yourselves:

I actually had to censor this photo

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Fug Madness Play-in Game: RESULTS!


And with no further ado: the winner of this year’s Fug Madness play-in game/bracket namesake-deathmatch of Cher v. Madonna, the contender to try to knock off Lady Gaga in a round-one shocker is:

MADONNA’S BUTT. Well. And the rest of her. But I think the hot-pants are what brought her this far, and what better tool to bring to the table when you’re going up against Gaga?

Fug Madness proper begins tomorrow morning. Have you filled out your brackets?

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Fug Madness 2011: Play-In Game, Madonna vs. Cher


Welcome to the first game of Fug Madness 2012! Need a refresher on how this works? Here’s the Fug Madness FAQ. Wondering what the hell is happening in this post? WONDER NO MORE: This is our play-in game, wherein two celebs who ALMOST made it into the tourney proper battle it out to make it to the big dance. There, thanks to a hilarious quirk of our Randomizer (which determines who is placed in what bracket), the winner of this game will take on Lady Gaga — who owes something to them both.

So let’s get to the battle — which involves perhaps more fishnet than is strictly legal.

Can you think of anything more horrifying than THIS?


Can you imagine being poor Lourdes?

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Fug Madness 2011 Bracket


And so there you have it: All four Fug Madness brackets, compiled through a very complicated algorithm incorporating approximate level of fame, depth of fug, quantity of fug, and other various intangibles that might include how caffeinated we were at the time. We hope you have fun with this year’s tournament. Better luck next year, Emma Stone.

Here is the completed bracket:

That is the clickable, printable JPEG, or here is the downloadable PDF version: Fug Madness 2011 Bracket.

We’ll see you here tomorrow for the play-in game, and then the first round starts in earnest on Thursday. Limber up the voting fingers, and say it with me: WOOOOOO.

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Fug Madness 2011: Madonna Bracket


(1) KATY PERRY vs. (16) MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ

(2) MILEY CYRUS vs (15) CAMERON DIAZ

(3) LEONA LEWIS vs. (14) TYRA BANKS

(4) BLAKE LIVELY vs. (13) SHENAE GRIMES

(5) JESSICA SIMPSON vs. (12) JESSICA BIEL

(6) FLORENCE WELCH vs. (11) KRISTEN STEWART

(7) SWINTON vs. (10) JUSTIN BIEBER

(8) CHLOE SEVIGNY vs. (9) NICOLE KIDMAN

Yes, you read that right: SWINTON vs. Bieber. That is my favorite thing the randomizer did all day.

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Fug Madness 2011: Charo Bracket


(1) RIHANNA vs. (16) BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD

(2) THE FAMILY SMITH vs. (15) AUBREY O’DAY

(3) LEIGHTON MEESTER vs. (14) TOM BRADY

(4) JENNIFER LOPEZ vs. (13) RYAN CABRERA

(5) JULIANNE MOORE vs. (12) BRAD PITT

(6) MISCHA BARTON vs (11) CHRISTINA HENDRICKS

(7) GWYNETH PALTROW vs. (10) MARY-KATE ASHLEY OLSEN

(8) GINNIFER GOODWIN vs. (9) CARRIE UNDERWOOD

Why pick just one Smith when you can pick them all? The meteoric rise of the children — and their associated fashion crimes — feels a whole lot like one big Clan Smith plan for global domination, so we’re nominating the family as such. But can they get past a previous champion? Likewise, since the Olsens were generally attached at the hip in public, they are attached at the seeding here. Wonder if Gwynnie can continue her quest to rule the world, or if Fug Madness will be the one province she cannot annex.

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