Fug File: Fug Madness 2011

Fug Madness 2011, Round One: Charo Bracket, Part II


(6) MISCHA BARTON vs. (11) CHRISTINA HENDRICKS

We almost didn’t include Mischa Barton this year — in fact, we kept saying to each other, “Eh, Mischa didn’t even really go out much, did she?” And then we actually looked at her archive, and HOLY COW, not only did she go out, but she did it in everything from repeat-offender khakis to strange costumey dresses to cruel culottes, to crueler non-culottes, to these:

Mischa Barton

Luckily for Christina Hendricks, there is not a direct segue I can use from Knee Window Leggings to her fashion choices. But there is always SOME kind of tangent, and it is this:

there is always a tangent

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Fug Madness 2011, Round One: Bjork Bracket, part II


(1) LADY GAGA v. (16) MADONNA

Let’s not pretend THIS didn’t happen:

Honestly, I think I could have handled the meat dress (not really, I’m totally lying) if she hadn’t also trussed up her feet like two rump roasts and slapped a filet on her hair. Can you imagine what it would be like to sit next to this? You’d be all, “HOLY SHIT, I’M SITTING NEXT TO LADY GAGA. Oh my god. Lady Gaga smells like a slaughterhouse. Oh my god, HER MEAT IS TOUCHING ME.”

And then of course there was all this:

You know how I felt about her Egg-rival — HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaj sorry. Fug Madness is exhausting. — not to mention the rest of her Grammy’s get-ups (including, but not limited to giving herself prosthetic horns. Maybe that was novel when The Devil did it, but now? OLD HAT.)

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this, but I have a list of places that I believe are too unsanitary to go to wearing ONLY MY UNDERPANTS:

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Fug Madness 2011, Round One: Cher Bracket, Part II


Just a reminder: if the polls appear all wonky to you — if they say they’re closed, or they seem to think you’ve already voted, this is some weird-ass bug in WordPress and it SHOULD be fixed today. However! If it ISN’T, what seems to fix it — for reasons we can not figure out — is if you pop into the comments and comment. That seems to reboot things some of the time? It’s a mystery. ANYWAY. If you are in dire straits, try it. (And of course, we welcome and want your comments anyway!)

TO THE BRACKETS!

(6) FABIOLA BERACASA vs. (11) ALEXA CHUNG

It is really hard to know what to say about Fabiola, socialite (or ex-socialite, because socialites might be so over that they don’t even really exist anymore) and lady-about-town, except that these pants and their lovely holster give her the abdomen of a 70-year old man playing cribbage in a nursing home.

Contrast that with British “It” Girl, and American “What?” Girl, Alexa Chung. If Fabiola is a geriatric card player, then Alexa is the crackling old dame who gets all the Gin Rummy dates, hasn’t paid for a Jell-O in the cafeteria in five years, and probably handles all the contraband:

You probably would want to know her

But that’s not all. She also apparently needs to be able to hang herself from her thighs before running off to the Ren Faire

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Fug Madness 2011, Round One: Madonna Bracket


FIRST, some housekeeping: Some of you are having issues with the polls working correctly! Please know that our tech dudes are working on it, but we have stumbled upon something that may help, if you find the polls coming up “closed” or if they seem to think you have already voted and you haven’t: apparently, if you comment on the post, the system will then let you vote? Clearly this is a bug, and we promise we’re at work on it, BUT that might work while we’re waiting. Plus, don’t you want to talk anyway? YOU KNOW YOU DO. ANYWAY: hopefully, you will have no technical problems as you vote on THE FOLLOWING:

(6) FLORENCE WELCH v. (11) KRISTEN STEWART

Don’t ask me why we weren’t paying closer attention to Florence Welch — or, as I’ve started thinking of her, FloWel (Flow Well?) — throughout the year. Because she is a CONTENDER:

A contender who never met a sheer overskirt that she didn’t fall MADLY in love with. Don’t believe me?

YOU SHOULD:

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Fug Madness 2011, Round One: Charo Bracket


(4) JENNIFER LOPEZ vs. (13) RYAN CABRERA

“Hola, lovers. We meet again in Crazytown, a.k.a. any competition in which I am not the winner automatically just because I am me, and me is fabuloso. I do not lie, lovers, this makes me go Angryface.

“I MEAN. Do I wear capes for nothing? NO, lovers, I wear them for YOU. Do I go all Swan Fake with no reason? No, lovers, it is about you. Do I wear a melting snowflake skirt of glory for fun? Yes, lovers. Because it is fun. But also no, lovers, I WEAR IT FOR YOU. And THIS is how you repay me? Making me fight for a victory against Baron Greasenipple Von Stachesuck?

It is not just a clever name, lovers

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Fug Madness 2011, Round One: Bjork Bracket


(6) XTINA v. (11) CHERYL COLE

Surely, if you are reading this particular Web site, you are at least vaguely aware of what Christina Aguilera here has been up to of late, namely: promoting Burlesque with Cher, continuing to hang out with Cher, then falling off stages and getting boozed up. We’ve seen a lot of Xtina lately – remember her Globes ensemble? Also known as the night we all realized how much she looks like Snooki all of a sudden  — but allow me, please, to take this moment and remind you what she did this summer, while she was promoting her (non-starter) album:

Yeah.

And also this:

It’s nice to see a celebrity recycling outfits the way the rest of us do. Of course, for me that means I wear the same dress more than once. For her, it apparently means using different hot-pants to sass up her BeDazzled tights.

After the jump, A MESSAGE:

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