It’s getting goooooood up in here, y’all… Here’s a look at who’s playing whom at the end of this week. Look at the choices you have wrought!
Thursday: (1) TAYLOR MOMSEN vs. (5) LINDSAY LOHAN
T-Momz is a powerful force of fug, garnering 96 percent of the vote against Diane Kruger; LiLo, who is possibly living out Momsen’s future, snagged 75 percent of the vote in defeating Drew Barrymore.
Friday: (2) KE$HA vs. (6) FABIOLA BERACASA
This one ought to be good. Ke$ha has been tough so far, making it here by beating Katerina Graham with a whopping 84 percent of the vote. Fabiola knocked out Hayden Panettiere with 66 percent of the vote. Also, it smells like bacon in my house right now. I’m sorry, I just had to mention it, because I just noticed, and it is heavenly.
Thursday: (2) NICKI MINAJ vs. (6) CHRISTINA AGUILERA
Christina beat back Katie Holmes — actually, she kind of squashed her, with more than 80 percent of the votes being cast in her favor. And Mia Wasikowska’s fashion was apparently so depressing that only thirty percent of you could bring yourselves to cast a vote to advance her, making her Nicki Minaj’s latest victim.
Friday: (1) LADY GAGA vs. (5) PAZ DE LA HUERTA
Interestingly, last year it was Amber Rose — the eventual champion — who knocked out Lady Gaga in the Final Four. This year, they met in the Sweet Sixteen, and Amber didn’t prevail. Although she gave Gaga the biggest challenge she’s had to date, Amber could only get 44 percent of the vote, ensuring that Fug Madness will still never have had had a repeat champion. Next up for Gaga is the indomitable Paz, who beat Various Kardashians with 58 percent of the vote.
Thursday: (1) RIHANNA vs. (13) RYAN CABRERA
Sayonara, Carrie Underwood. She was no match for Rihanna, who captured 66 percent of the vote. Meanwhile, Ryan Cabrera and his rogue nipple keep running roughshod over the competition. This time he dispensed with Julianne Moore and her giant sleeves, with a hearty 73 percent tally.
Friday: (2) THE FAMILY SMITH vs. (6) MISCHA BARTON
Mischa didn’t just beat Leighton Meester, our three seed — she KILLED her. Leighton wore a SEE-THROUGH LACE JUMPSUIT, and yet Mischa got 82 percent of the vote. That there is a rousing endorsement of her fuggery. But can Mischa put down The Family Smith? They collectively booted Mary-Kate Ashley Olsen by a two-thirds majority.
Thursday: (2) MILEY CYRUS vs. (3) LEONA LEWIS
Miss Miley put down Fug Nation’s own beloved SWINTON — correctly and justifiably, I think — with 89 percent of the vote, and Leona booted newcomer Florence Welch by nabbing the support (or disdain?) of three-quarters of the voters.
Friday: (1) KATY PERRY vs. (5) JESSICA SIMPSON
Surprise hit Shenae Grimes ran into an immovable object in J.Simp, who captured 62 percent of the vote on her way to victory. Katy Perry topped Chloe Sevigny with 59 percent of the vote. Better luck next year, Sev.