Fug File: formal shorts


“Hey, y’all!

Let’s be honest: all y’all figured that when MTV finally got around to giving me some kind of tribute it would be because I was DEAD but here I am and sure I’m wearing ruffled formal shorts but DEAD I AM NOT even though at some points tonight I kinda wished I was. Let’s review:


National Treasure: Book of FUG


Listen, when you get off break, will you bring me a club sandwich and a bloody mary? Thanks, kid. This pool bar is swell! I’m sure you’ll get another acting gig soon — who can resist those gams?


Fugs or Fabs: Jayma Mays

Apparently, Jayma Mays plays Neil Patrick Harris’s wife in the Smurfs movie, which I just noticed is also in 3-D, because why make a movie in Regular D when it could be in 3-D? (3-D gives me a headache, and apparently, so do The Smurfs. They just make me so smurfy. ARGH. SEE? They’re inescapable even when you don’t like them.  Gargamel, take me away.)

This is…not bad? I mean, it’s not offensive. It seems a bit to me like she shortened it from the original, though, which kind of makes it look like something you’d expect to see on one of the lesser girls from The Hills — she’s all strapless AND legs AND shiny AND bright, and as much as I hate to be all, “darling, are you a REALITY SHOW HANGER-ON, or a movie staaaar?”, if she gave herself a couple more inches in the skirt, I think she might have looked a little more movie star and a little less like someone who might be standing next to Spencer Pratt on Spencer For Hire, his new reality show on OWN, where he goes from Hollywood club to Hollywood club, trying to get someone to give him a job (note: I just made that up. It is not a real show. SPENCER, DON’T GET ANY IDEAS).

On the other hand, it could be worse:

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Fug or Fab: Cameron Diaz

So, you know how we complain all the time about how Jennifer Aniston is in a style rut? (Not to mention a PR rut — you can’t convince me that the revelation of her relationship with Justin Theroux hasn’t been timed to coincide with her new movie for all the money in the world.) I think Cammy D here is settling into a similar one:

As Jennifer Aniston is to strapless neutral dresses, Cameron Diaz is to shorts. (That’s the answer to the first question on the GFY SAT, a test on which there will be no math.) She doesn’t look bad in them, exactly, and there’s nothing really aggressively wrong with them (unless you hate formal shorts, which we do), but the whole thing is beginning to scream, “PLEASE CONTINUE TO FIND ME AND MY LEGS RELEVANT AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SEE THIS MOVIE THAT I AM IN WITH TIMBERLAKE THAT THEY SHOT LIKE A HUNDRED YEARS AGO CAN WE DO CHARLIE’S ANGELS 4? OKAY, CALL ME.”

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Who Fugged It More (Or Less): Boobs Legsly vs Rachel Bilson

When I first pulled this photo for the comparison, I was sure these were shorts.

Now, I’m not so sure. What once seemed like shorts that caught up in the middle now looks awfully like a skirt. In which case, it seems to be a skirt that was designed for very fancy gynecological appointments, given that its life’s goal is apparently to showcase a woman’s jewel of the Nile. The top part is VERY Chanel — we’ve seen something like it already — but my God, Karl, are they called The Legslys? Because I can’t imagine anyone else wanting to set foot, or rather crotch, in that. I mean, if she walks, she’s a skin flick. If she sits down, she’s having sex with whatever she’s sitting on. Bad idea.

This comparison won’t hold up as well now that it’s not for sure Formal Shorts vs Formal Shorts. But let’s play anyway.

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Desperate Housefugs

Well, well, well. What have we here?

It seems the Widow Longoria is branching out…TO THE GREAT WHITE WAY.

Right? She is on her way to a performance of the All Singing, All Tap-Dancing, All Navy-Blue Bazooms Over Broadway, isn’t she? This is going to be epic!

What? She’s going to Letterman? Are you sure? Really? Okay. No, I believe you. I’m sure you know what you’re talking about.

Um. Nice legs? Sure. Let’s just stick with that.

[Photo: Splash]


MOBO Awards Fug Carpet: Random Fug

So, Jetta John-Hartley here is apparently a singer — dear young celebrities, PLEASE get a Wikipedia page for out-of-touch bloggers such as myself — and I believe she is also currently, or was once, in a British choir called Sense of Sound, who I found on YouTube performing with a boy’s school in a clip that is so AWESOME that if you aren’t moved by it, I worry about your VERY SOUL.

This does not entirely explain why she’s wearing this to the MOBO awards, though, apparently sans the rest of the group (has she gone solo? I’m sure SOMEONE in Fug Nation will know):

I don’t know that I can with good conscience sign off on this outfit — for many reasons, the least of which being that I am worried those shorts may do her actual anatomical harm, and she seems like she might be awesome enough that we want her in one piece — but I have to admit that nothing cracks me up like a girl on the red carpet holding her own jacket, and wallet, and phone, like she’s trying to open her apartment door with her hands full instead of posing for the press. Someone get this girl an assistant, please!