Let’s be honest: all y’all figured that when MTV finally got around to giving me some kind of tribute it would be because I was DEAD but here I am and sure I’m wearing ruffled formal shorts but DEAD I AM NOT even though at some points tonight I kinda wished I was. Let’s review:
Fug File: formal shorts
Listen, when you get off break, will you bring me a club sandwich and a bloody mary? Thanks, kid. This pool bar is swell! I’m sure you’ll get another acting gig soon — who can resist those gams?
So, you know how we complain all the time about how Jennifer Aniston is in a style rut? (Not to mention a PR rut — you can’t convince me that the revelation of her relationship with Justin Theroux hasn’t been timed to coincide with her new movie for all the money in the world.) I think Cammy D here is settling into a similar one:
As Jennifer Aniston is to strapless neutral dresses, Cameron Diaz is to shorts. (That’s the answer to the first question on the GFY SAT, a test on which there will be no math.) She doesn’t look bad in them, exactly, and there’s nothing really aggressively wrong with them (unless you hate formal shorts, which we do), but the whole thing is beginning to scream, “PLEASE CONTINUE TO FIND ME AND MY LEGS RELEVANT AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SEE THIS MOVIE THAT I AM IN WITH TIMBERLAKE THAT THEY SHOT LIKE A HUNDRED YEARS AGO CAN WE DO CHARLIE’S ANGELS 4? OKAY, CALL ME.”
Well, well, well. What have we here?
It seems the Widow Longoria is branching out…TO THE GREAT WHITE WAY.
Right? She is on her way to a performance of the All Singing, All Tap-Dancing, All Navy-Blue Bazooms Over Broadway, isn’t she? This is going to be epic!
What? She’s going to Letterman? Are you sure? Really? Okay. No, I believe you. I’m sure you know what you’re talking about.
Um. Nice legs? Sure. Let’s just stick with that.
So, Jetta John-Hartley here is apparently a singer — dear young celebrities, PLEASE get a Wikipedia page for out-of-touch bloggers such as myself — and I believe she is also currently, or was once, in a British choir called Sense of Sound, who I found on YouTube performing with a boy’s school in a clip that is so AWESOME that if you aren’t moved by it, I worry about your VERY SOUL.
This does not entirely explain why she’s wearing this to the MOBO awards, though, apparently sans the rest of the group (has she gone solo? I’m sure SOMEONE in Fug Nation will know):
I don’t know that I can with good conscience sign off on this outfit — for many reasons, the least of which being that I am worried those shorts may do her actual anatomical harm, and she seems like she might be awesome enough that we want her in one piece — but I have to admit that nothing cracks me up like a girl on the red carpet holding her own jacket, and wallet, and phone, like she’s trying to open her apartment door with her hands full instead of posing for the press. Someone get this girl an assistant, please!