Fug File: Charo Bracket

Fug Madness 2014: The Final Four, Game Two


(1) Kim Kardashian v. (1) Rihanna

Both of these woman have been here before, but only one has moved onto the final game. WHO. WILL. IT. BE. THIS YEAR?

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Kim Kardashian (78%, 5,836 Votes)
  • Rihanna (22%, 1,622 Votes)

Total Voters: 7,458

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Fug Madness 2014, Elite Eight: Charo Bracket


 

(1) RIHANNA vs. (3) PAULA PATTON

These two are more similar than you’d think. TO THE EVIDENCE! And then to the poll:

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Rihanna (53%, 3,362 Votes)
  • Paula Patton (47%, 2,944 Votes)

Total Voters: 6,304

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Fug Madness 2014: Sweet Sixteen, The Charo Bracket Top Half


(1) RIHANNA vs. (12) ZOSIA MAMET

Personally, I kind of want these two to get stuck in an elevator together for like six hours, because I sort of feel like they might make friends and Rihanna could loosen Zosia up, while Zosia might convince RiRi to wear pants occasionally, and then RiRi could end up guest-starring on Girls as, like, this very deadpan girl who lives across the hall from Shosh and whom Shosh really wants to make friends with, to no avail. Seriously, I think this could work. While I work on my fanfic, check out Rihanna’s archives, as well as Zosia’s, and then get your vote on:

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Rihanna (69%, 4,145 Votes)
  • Zosia Mamet (31%, 1,893 Votes)

Total Voters: 6,037

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Fug Madness 2014, Round Two: Charo Bracket, Bottom Half


Jump to: Paula Patton vs. Julianne Hough · Fug Madness FAQ
 

(2) KATY PERRY vs. (7) HEIDI KLUM 

Heidi has had a better year than in the past, but it’s a mark of her damnable oeuvre that a better year still includes this:

How has she not been on Dancing With The Stars yet? I mean, she’s probably too close to being an ACTUAL star, but she’s certainly dressing like she has a cha-cha inside her just begging to run free.

Also begging to run free:

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Fug Madness 2014, Round Two: Charo Bracket, Top Half


As a refresher: The photos are merely a representative sample of the body of work; all outfits from the post-Oscars 2013 to post-Oscars 2014 period are eligible. Polls close after 24 hours; clear your cache and vote often, and if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it. If you missed Round One and need a primer on how all this works, peruse the FAQ

Jump to: Kristen Wiig vs. Zosia Mamet
 

(1) RIHANNA vs. (8) JESSICA BIEL

Well, this Jessica Biel outfit wasn’t in our sub, so I’m forced to link to it. If you don’t click, let me sum up: Square translucent sleeves and only half a skirt — meaning, a peplum on her left, and knee-length on her right. Yeah. It happened.

As did this:

I know it was the Met Ball, and the theme was rock-and-roll, but… not only is this not a great fit with that, but you can’t give her any kind of costumey pass on the leggings because we already know she’s prepared to wear see-through pants in real life:

DON’T HUDGENS YOURSELF. Justin’s eyes are so glassy. He knows. HE KNOWS. And he fears.

And he SHOULD fear:

You don’t have to compete with Beyonce, kid. You’re both lovely women, but trying to out-cray Beyonce is like bringing a butter knife to a bayonet fight. You just end up looking sad. Although it’s easier for you to eat butter, so there’s that.

Biel did wear some things that were not transparent, like this questionable skirt on a Dior gown (although I’d kill for J.Lawr to get anything that questionable), and some questionable shoulder frosting, and this questionable matador-ish pantsuit:

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Fug Madness 2014, Round One: Charo Bracket, Bottom Half


As a refresher: The photos and links in each matchup post are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work from this period (late Feb, after the 2013 Oscars, through this year’s Oscars). Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. If you need a primer on how all this works, pursue the the FAQ. And, most importantly, have fun.

Jump to: Paula Patton vs. Maggie Gyllenhaal · Julianne Hough v. Abigail Breslin · Heidi Klum vs. Florence Welch
 

(2) KATY PERRY vs. (15) HARRY STYLES

Katy Perry is not to be counted out. She may be a two seed, but she came in swinging to this one. Katy’s archive is a veritable trove of delights and you could spend a happy hour there, but in case you don’t have an hour, allow me to make some suggestions, like your sommelier of fug. If you like sparkly religious iconography, you’ll love what she wore to the Met Gala. If you love figure-skating and the 90s, this will be your jam. If you’re obsessed with the idea of wearing all of your hotel room curtains at once, can I suggest a cup of this crazy? Finally, frankly, I don’t even know what this is.

And that’s not even the half of it. She wore this — ON PURPOSE — to see Britney in Vegas. Like, in public, not in Britney’s hotel room:

She apparently had a tutu fetish this year, too, looking at the previous look and then at this one:

She’s always dressed like a crazy person on stage, and this year was no different. I don’t even know what’s happening here. Does her vagina have a tiny little loincloth? A literal cloth over her loins?

This is also the year, by the way, that she dressed up like Fraulein Cher Horowitz, and wore this Sheer Constellation Extravaganza and also brought out this ridiculous grill:

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