Fug File: CFDA

CFDA Unfug It Up: January Jones


I don’t even know why I’m being nice about this. Maybe because I really miss Mad Men and I like her on Instagram? I don’t even know. This has issues. I KNOW IT HAS ISSUES:

2015 CFDA Fashion Awards - Inside Arrivals

But it’s also kind of Samantha Jones Goes To Some Awful Studio 54 Theme Party And Secretly Really Pulls It Off While Carrie Attempts A Tube Top And Strangles a Metaphor in a way that makes me feel nostalgic and sort of thirsty for a cosmo, even though I can’t drink them ever since That One Birthday Where I Had Three in Two Hours. (In my defense, the problem with the cosmo is that it’s served in such an easy-spill container! You slurp up enough cosmo so that you don’t slosh it on your shoes and then the next thing you know IT’S GONE and then shortly thereafter you might barf.)  So, yes, maybe I’m mentally drunk and therefore more positively disposed to everything but I swear if the crotch on the pants weren’t totally insane we might be into this. Maybe? What do you think?

[Photo: Getty]

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CFDAs Fug/Fab Face-Off: Nina Dobrev vs. Juliette Lewis


Juliette is in Christian Siriano; Nina is wearing Lela Rose. One is in something youthful, the other in something a bit stodgy on her. But the common denominator is the feathery skirt, so in the spirit of Mad Max let’s throw them in the Thunderdome and see which one emerges.

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[Photos: Getty]

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CFDA Awards Well Played: Diane Kruger in Prabal Gurung


Here, let the deliciousness of Diane in Prabal soothe your ruffled soul, post-Revelation of Julianna Margulies’s Undercrackers:

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It’s glorious on its own — Kruger and Gurung are a wonderful combination, traditionally — but comparatively, this is the sartorial equivalent of sliding into a giant bathtub, full of perfectly warm water. Perfumed with your favorite extremely expensive soap. Overlooking, say, a beautiful field. At the height of spring! While you’re holding a glass of wine. No, a bottle of wine. While someone dreamy brushes your hair and tells you everything is going to be just fine. It’s like that.

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CFDAs Fug Carpet: Kim Kardashian in Proenza Schouler


kim kardashian and kanye west CFDA Awards 2015

“MY GIRL’S DRESSED FOR BATTLE, MY FIERCE BÉBÉ-MÈRE, ‘CAUSE WE HAD THIS NEWS WE WERE EXCITED TO SHARE BUT THEN CAME CAITLYN JENNER OUT OF THIN AIR IN A MEDIA BLAST THAT WAS VANITY UNFAIR AND EVERYONE FORGOT THAT WE DID DECLARE KIM’S WOMB IS IN BUSINESS WITH OUR HEIRESS’S SPARE. LIKE WHY CAN’T SOMEONE PUT US FIRST FOR ONCE!!!!! I CAN’T EVEN TIE MY SHOES, I’M SO UPSET!!

“BUT DON’T YOU FRET. WE’LL SLAKE OUR PRESS THIRST WITH THIS PROENZA PANTY-SHEATH THAT COPIES KIM’S GIVENCHY WORST — SECOND UTERINE VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST — SO THAT Y’LL WILL GET TO TALKING ‘BOUT WHAT WE REHEARSED. NAMELY, NOT CAITLYN, BUT MY DOPE-ASS SPERM-BURST, UNTIL WE, THE ALMIGHTY KIMYE, CONSIDERS US REIMBURSED. ALSO CAITLYN YOU’D BETTER GIVE GOOD BABY GIFTS. THAT WOULD ALSO SOOTHE ME A LOT ACTUALLY BECAUSE I’M SUPER WOUNDED AND SENSITIVE YOU KNOW.”

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CFDA DEAR GOD WHY Carpet: Julianna Margulies in Michael Kors


I have nothing articulate to say about this, but I CAN offer you a series of grunts, screams, open-mouth soundless sobbing, and wailing:

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WHY. NO. NOOOOOOOOO. NO! NOT YOU TOO, JULIANA MARGULIES! NOOOOO. You, you! You, my precious Carol Hathaway, my beloved Alica Florrick, the hot-husband-haver, Clooney-friending, smart lady. YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME.

BETRAYED.

(Is this so we’ll stop talking about whatever the hell went down with you and Archie Panjabi? Because I will not negotiate with this kind of sartorial terrorism.)

[Photo: Getty]

 

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CFDA Fug or Fab: Katharine McPhee in Paule Ka


This photo… it was delivered unto me on a digital cloud made of giggles.

katharine mcphee CFDA awards

It’s not even that the outfit is so awful. It’s fine. It’s dripping with fashion. Which is the point of this awards night, so fine. But, and I don’t know how to say this nicely so I’ll just come right out: It’s a very studied attempt to look Extremely Interesting, from someone who, at least on Scorpion, is as flavorful as wet bread (or, her public persona, at least; for all I know, in private, she is The Most Interesting Woman In The World). The whole thing REEKS of editrix, or as if Katharine McPhee desperately wants you to mistake her for Jenna Lyons, and… it’s a nice try, but I am not sure Extremely Interesting is her destiny. It ends up looking like a costume.

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[Photo: Getty]

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