Fug File: Cannes

Cannes Fugs and Fabs: Hilary Swank in Versace and Bottega Veneta


I am generally lukewarm on The Hilary Swank Experience. So it will not surprise you that my feelings about these outfits are a grunting, ladylike blend of meh and feh and huh.

[Photos: Getty]

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Cannes Maleficently Played: Eva Green in Elie Saab


Eva Green seems to gravitate to dark and witchy characters, and often, dark and witchy fashion. So I like to imagine her at home burning a Maleficent ad over a voodoo doll of Angelina Jolie and bitterly murmuring, “May the bloat be with Pitt. May the bloat be with Pitt.”

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Cannes Unfug or Fab: Rosario Dawson in Dolce & Gabbana and Sportmax


I’d say about… 75 percent of what Rosario Dawson wears makes me think, “Eh, not my favorite.” Here’s another lukewarm pool to jump into:

It’s… fine. Not that flattering to her chest; I think it might have looked better if the black detail want all the way down and didn’t stop halfway down, which asks the eye to go STRAIGHT to her underboob area. But then maybe the top would’ve been too unbalanced, so maybe the whole thing┬áneeded to be black-on-white. I’m not UPSET with it, though. I just don’t know if we are ever going to be close friends.

Her Sportmax ensemble is a lot more lively:

the next one is a colorfest

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Cannes Fugs and Fabs: The Foxcatcher Premiere


Whoever is dressing Jessica Chastain has finally realized that girlfriend really looks great in color. All that, plus Channing Tatum awaits you.

[Photos: Getty]

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Cannes Fug or Fab: Zoe Saldana in Etro


I want to like this. It’s weird and loud, and I always want to give the benefit of the doubt to things that are not flesh-toned nighties.

But every time I look at it, the top tricks me into thinking her boobs are migrating south for the summer. And I don’t think the Migratory Patterns of the Two-Breasted Saldana are something we should be studying right now.

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[Photo: Getty]

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Cannes Insanely Played: Semi-Noted Kook Elena Lenina


This Russian TV personality — a nice, vague resume line — wore a hair crown at the opening ceremony, and she did NOT stop there.

[Photos: Getty]

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