Fug File: book shenanigans

We’re in Austin This Weekend. Come Say Hello!


Texans! We are delighted to remind you that we will be in Austin, Texas, this Saturday, November 2 to take part in Forever Fest at the Alamo Drafthouse. We’ll be doing two things there — one for books, one for SHENANIGANS — in case you have time to come visit:

1) Book panel: At 2:15 p.m. on November 2, we’re doing a YA-related chat alongside Megan “Jessica Darling or, rather, MARCUS FLUTIE” McCafferty and the hilarious Kirsten Smith, who has a new YA novel out but whom you probably already worship because she wrote Legally Blonde, 10 Things I Hate About You, and She’s the Man. We will be signing books after the chat (they will also be available for purchase). The panel itself is free, BUT if you want to reserve a seat ahead of time, tickets are available right now, TODAY, for $5, and you can redeem them for food or drink at the Drafthouse. DO IT!

2) Sixteen Candles party and costume contest:  After Forever Fest’s screening of Sixteen Candles, there will be an ’80s dance party at the ballroom of the Stephen F. Austin hotel at 9 p.m., complete with a Jake Ryan photobooth — how can you resist? We will ALSO be there to judge the ’80s costume contest, so go find that bubble skirt and show up!

Here is the rest of the Forever Fest schedule — it’s full of fun stuff — but if we’re the two broads you might want to see, those are your best bets (along with whatever fine margaritas purveyors you can recommend, of course.) Please come out and see us, Texas!

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We Are Coming to See You, Austin!


We’re on a half-day today, because it’s a long weekend here in the United States, and the Thanksgiving weekend in Canada. Happy Thanksgiving, Canada! Please have some turkey for us. We’ll be back, full-strength, on Tuesday, October 15, but we updated over the weekend and this morning, so scroll down for WEDDING DRESSES and PANTS and BOOBS and WORDS.

Speaking of words, we are also delighted to remind you that we will be in Austin, Texas, on November 2 to take part in Forever Fest at the Alamo Drafthouse. We’ll be doing two things there — one for books, one for SHENANIGANS — in case you have time to come visit:

1) Book panel: At 2:15 p.m. on November 2, we’re doing a YA-related chat alongside Megan “Jessica Darling or, rather, MARCUS FLUTIE” McCafferty and the hilarious Kirsten Smith, who has a new YA novel out but whom you may already worship because she wrote Legally Blonde, 10 Things I Hate About You, and She’s the Man (in other words: stuff we quote to each other all the time. I need to talk to her about how Amanda Bynes is SERIOUSLY an underrated comic GENIUS in She’s The Man. I love that movie and not ironically). We will be signing books after the chat (they will also be available for purchase). The panel itself is free, BUT if you want to reserve a seat ahead of time, tickets are available right now, TODAY, for $5, and you can redeem them for food or drink at the Drafthouse.

2) Sixteen Candles party and costume contest: Y’all, this sounds fun. After Forever Fest’s screening of Sixteen Candles, there will be an ’80s dance party at the ballroom of the Stephen F. Austin hotel at 9 p.m., complete with a Jake Ryan photobooth, AND an appearance from Marlene, aka Long Duck Dong’s “Hey sexy giiiiirlfriend” from the movie. No, really. SHE WILL BE THERE. Hopefully in a tracksuit. Anyway, we will ALSO be there, judging the ’80s costume contest, with obvious bonus points for anyone who takes that OTHER Molly Ringwald movie to heart and makes his/her own outfit. Again, our portion of the festivities starts at 9 p.m., and I believe the movie is showing at both 7 p.m. and 8:30 p.m.

In fact, here is the rest of the Forever Fest schedule — complete with a Rex Manning Day party — in case you want to take in the whole damn thing.

Please come out and see us, Texas!


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Spoiled Is Today’s Kindle Daily Find


A brief break in the fugging to let you know that our first young adult novel, SPOILED, is today’s Kindle Daily Find on Amazon! This is very exciting, and not only because it means that you can buy it today for your Kindle for $1.99. That is a deal, you guys. That’s less than a sandwich. That’s less than the three Diet Cokes you will drink while you’re reading it! (Apparently, it’s also on sale for your Nook! And on iBooks!)

So if you’ve been thinking, “I sure wish there was a book I could download to read this weekend that had crazy celebrity shenanigans, terrible boy bands, dreamy guitar players, secrets, lies, tabloids, a horse named Mr. Pickles, sister pitted against sister, drama club scandals, accidental drunkenness, and a secondary character named after a lettuce, but I also wish it could be priced under two dollars,” then you just got lucky. Get over to Amazon and snap it up now — this is a One Day Only type thing. Kirkus Reviews called it “obsessively readable, smartly subversive,” and now it’s also a bargain. Happy reading!

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The GFY Blogiversary SPOILED and MESSY Giveway


Today is Go Fug Yourself’s 9th birthday! In internet years, I think that makes us eligible for Social Security, and it CERTAINLY gives us continued permission to shake our virtual canes at misguided young whippersnappers and yell at them to get their Bieber pants off our lawn.  It’s a big week, because tomorrow our second young adult novel, MESSY, comes out in paperback — at Amazon, at Barnes and Noble, at Indigo (if you’re Canadian, in which case: Happy Canada Day!), and at that cute local bookstore where you spend so much time. Go Fug Yourself wouldn’t be here at all without our amazing, awesome readers, and neither would either of our books (we even dedicated the first one, SPOILED, to Fug Nation).  If we could thank you by coming o each of your houses, handing you a Mai Tai, and directing The Hottie of Your Choice to give you a foot rub, we would — but until that becomes logistically possible, giving away some books will have to do.

THE TASK: This is an easy one. We’ve run so many contests asking you to write a haiku or an acrostic or an epic ballad or a rock anthem that this time, we’re giving you a break. All you need to do is tell us which celebrity you most enjoy seeing on GFY. Super famous — J. Lo! Prince Harry! — to obscure (that crackpot C list actor who lives across the street from you), it doesn’t matter. You don’t even need to tell us why; we only need the who. I will then chose the winners at random. This contest is open to all readers. I will send this prize pack to the Arctic Circle if it comes to that.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on SUNDAY, JULY 7.  (Giving you some extra time because this is a short work week in the US.)

THE PRIZE: As you may have guessed from the above, in honor of our birthday and MESSY’s paperback release, we are giving away a signed copy of each book to nine readers.

“But what are these shiny, delightful-looking books about?” I hear you asking. Behold:

SPOILED:

Sixteen-year-old Molly Dix has just discovered that her biological father is Brick Berlin, world-famous movie star and red-carpet regular. Intrigued (and a little) terrified by her Hollywood lineage, Molly moves to Los Angeles and plunges headfirst into the deep end of Beverly Hills celebrity life. Just as Molly thinks her life couldn’t get any stranger, she meets Brooke Berlin, her gorgeous, spoiled half sister, who welcomes Molly to la-la land with a smothering dose “sisterly love”…but in this town, nothing is ever what it seems. DUN DUN DUUUUNNNNN! [eitorial note: perhaps that is not exactly how the copy on the back of the book actually ends.]

MESSY:

When sixteen-year-old Brooke Berlin catches a taste of fame and her movie-star father’s attention, she decides it’s time to take her career to the next level–by launching a blog that will position her as a Hollywood “It Girl” who tells it like it is. But between schoolwork, shopping, and spray-tan appointments, she hardly has the time to write it herself…
 
Enter green-haired outsider Max McCormack, an aspiring author with a terrible after-school job pushing faux meat on the macrobiotic masses. Max loathes the celebrity scene almost as much as she dislikes Brooke, but wooed by an impressive salary, Max reluctantly agrees to play Brooke’s ghost-blogger — and the site takes off. How long will their lie last? Can the girls work together to stay on top, or will the truth come out and ruin everything they’ve built? DUN DUN DUUUUNNNNN! [ibid.]I am biased, but I am pretty sure that if you like reading, fake movie titles, crazy celebrity parents, blogging/bloggers/blogs, dramatic lies, cute boys, romantic shenanigans, playing Find The Harry Potter Reference, or characters named after vegetables/cheese, then I think you will enjoy our books. Good luck, and I hope you — yes, you – win. Either way, thanks for being here. We couldn’t do any of this without you.

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We Are Coming to See You! (Maybe): Messy Book Signings


Just wanted to let you guys know about the book signings we have on the docket for our new YA novel, MESSY! Please come out and say hello — we love meeting members of Fug Nation and we promise you a good time!

The events are:

Come out and meet us! We can’t wait to see you.

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MESSY winners!


Hey, remember how we have a new novel out? It’s called MESSY:

You should probably read it! And big congratulations to the winners of our SPOILED/MESSY prize pack, who had to come up with the plot of Brick Berlin’s newest action flick, Dirk Venom V: V is For Five. We had an incredibly hard time narrowing this down to three winners, so….we decided not to, and will instead be giving away four prize packs! (Winners, check your email.) A round of applause for the following:

Annie S.:

Dirk Venom’s (Brick Berlin) career is in freefall. Injuries, tropical diseases and the love of too many fast women have taken their toll, and the Rolodex of International Do-Gooders in Costume is considering forcing him into early retirement. Never one to take a situation lying down – unless the situation was blonde with legs for days – Dirk vows to prove himself worthy of RIDIC’s continued loyalty. Armed with intel gleaned from various sketchy sources, our hero finds himself in Pleasant Valley, Iowa, where Dirk has it on good authority a ring of Soviet crime lords are plotting to take over the world. Their headquarters? Happy Days Retirement Home, which Dirk infiltrates as an orderly. He is shocked to discover that no one at Happy Days ever seems to die, but rather are removed by their twenty-something grandchildren who look suspiciously like younger versions of themselves. After seducing the head nurse, Dixie Normous (Kim Kardashian), Dirk uncovers a lab hidden under the game room. He hacks into the poorly secured computer system and learns that the Soviet spies have invented a “fountain of youth” serum that they plan to sell to the world’s wealthiest tycoons, politicians, crime lords, and Hugh Hefner. They’ve been testing it on the residents of Happy Days, who are now equipped with super-strength – and flamethrowers hidden in their walkers and bayonets in their canes. A battle ensues, and Dirk manages to blow up the laboratory…but not before being injected with the serum. Dirk passes out and wakes up in RIDIC’s headquarters…twenty years younger than he had been before. (Young Dirk is played by Zac Efron.)

Stay tuned for the reboot of the “Dirk Venom” franchise: Dirk Venom VI: VI-Pack Abs.

“Zac Efron clearly owed someone a lot of money to agree to do this film.” – Peter Travers

Abby:

Dirk Venom is back in a sassy tale of revenge and mathematical espionage.

Venom has finally uncovered who murdered his beloved Grandmother and namesake, Dirkemina Venom VII. Hell bent on revenge against Cornelius Grochenvitch, Venom gets his old gang back together for one last mission.

The V5 gang of Dirk Venom, sexy mathematician Sloane ‘Square’ Root, ex-felon and thug Garfield Mott, computer hacker Ronnie McRube and the reluctant, retired Taiwanese spy No Iseyu, travel to Izvizzicm in Eastern Russia to find Grochenvitch.

But when they finally corner Grochenvich (the gripping chase includes an 23-and-a-half minute fiery rollerblade chase, the longest in action movie history), what they discover is more than they bargained for- Grochenvitch has spent his years devising devious mathematical codes, which if entered into the CIA mainframe will release prisoners from jails around the world and turn celery into a carb. As the team readies themselves for one last push to topple Grochenvitch, Venom spots a face in the window of Grochenvitch’s mansion- a young man who has Venom’s distinctive rippling locks and devil-may-care gleam in his eyes- and a shocking family secret is uncovered: Dirk Venom has a long lost brother.

Can they free Trip Venom (named after Dirk’s eccentric Auntie Trippletta Venom III) , break Cornelius Grochenvitch’s evil mathematical equation and lose five pounds before Saturdays big event?

If anyone can save his brother and keep the world safe from the clutches of evil and carbs, it’s Dirk Venom- the man who always gets the bad guys, ravages the ladies, and avoids snacking between meals.

Erin:

Thinking his life of crime fighting was behind him, Dirk Venom hung up nunchucks and holstered his gun – all to live with his new partner in love, Velvet LeBlanc. Together, they settled into a life of anonymity in a small New England town; he teaching mediation and yoga; she working in the local library. But their vacation from crime was cut short when Erik VanderPacey and his band of prep school zombies escaped the confines of their ivy covered walls to descend upon the residents of Westerhampville.

In V is for Five, Dirk and Velvet partner with local crime fighters Sherry Tequila, Vince DePants and Lilo Swag to create their very own Fox Force Five and take on this not-so-merry-band of prep-zombies before their brain eating spreads south and takes over New York City. With Rihanna as Velvet, Emma Watson as Sherry, Peter Dinklage as Vince and Maggie Smith as Lilo. James Van Der Beek joins the cast as a creepy zombified version of his Dawson’s Creek self, leading the zompocalypse of popped-collar polo-wearing undead.

Susanne:

Dirk Venom in a Dynasty Mash-Up!

Dirk Venom, now a burnt out shell of his former world-saving self, is hitchhiking across the country. Somewhere in Colorado, he accepts the wrong ride, and wakes tied up in a fourposter bed on silk sheets. In sashays a gorgoeous creature in a golden dressing gown- Alexis Carrington (played by Joan Collins, naturellement). While sipping her morning champagne, Alexis explaines her reasons for kidnapping Dirk. He is the only man masculine enough to execute her master plan- to seduce Krystle (played by Cate Blanchett) away from Blake Carrington once and for all. If Dirk refuses Alexis will unleash a virus that will crash the Internet. Yep, all of it, including Dirks own Facebook page. Terrified, our hero sets out to save us all. Car chases, golf court explosions, computer hacking, big guns & bigger hats follow. Also an accidental seduction of Sammy Jo (played by Miley Cyrus) on a bear skin rug in front of a roaring fire (obvs). Weird sexual tension occurs between Dirk and Blake Carrington, which is both explained and a surprise twist, when it turns out Blake is played by Tilda SWINTON.

Will Internet be saved? Will Dirk come to terms with his conflicting emotions (was he really physically attracted to a woman over 40?!!)? Will Alexis bitchslap Krystle, Sammy Jo AND Dirk? Can you fit a diamond encrusted turban in a golf cart? FInd out this summer in V is for Five!

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