J Simp’s desperate need for a real stylist to help her out is depressing me too much to write this as a proper fug. I just couldn’t do it. She…could look worse, right?
Except in half the pictures she’s doing this weird ass pose:
Remember a couple of months ago, where we were all excited about V and how cute Bailey Salinger still looked and how Morena Baccarin really pulled off this haircut? And then we saw a few episodes and it was boooooooooooooooring? I mean, Morris Chestnut is so hot I’d totally have his baby even if he were an alien in real life and not just on the show, but Morris Chestnut, Bailey, and Morena Baccarin’s haircut can’t carry an entire show. And then V got yanked and I don’t think it’s ever coming back. So that’s the bad news for Morena Baccarin.
Further bad news is that she appears to be wearing some kind of dress that front-bustles. In case you are wondering, a front-bustle is NEVER a success. The good news, though, is that she is still totally pulling off that haircut. No small victory, that.
Ms Emma Rigby here is on the Brit soap Hollyoaks, and may or may not be dating a footballer — I’m sure our friends at Kickette could answer this question for me, since Wikipedia has failed me — and she certainly is very, very pretty:
And I have decided that she’s wearing a blue sequined Hammer-panted jumpsuit with beige heels as some kind of Method acting prep for her job. What storyline this could possibly play into, I have no idea, but her character has already: had an eating disorder, almost died in a fire, escaped from a drug dealer in an ice cream truck, been in a coma, had a friend die after her parachute was tampered with, almost died in a motorcycle crash, and accidentally married someone while she was drunk and then refused to divorce him. IT COULD BE ANYTHING.
In high school I had a friend who one night forgot he was wearing these slippers, and showed up at a party without changing his shoes. I have a sneaking suspicion something similar happened to Elizabeth Reaser:
Of course, she’s also accidentally wearing a dress in a pattern I think was on sale at Limited Express in 1992, except it was a skort. Let us thank heaven for the small mercy that this one does not appear to be. But the real issue is why Elizabeth left on the fur-lined clogs that she clearly only owns to be worn in secret, say, around the house when her feet are cold and/or she’s catching up on FLASHFORWARD (which I am incapable of uttering without whispering slightly and doing jazz hands) on her DVR with a bag of Doritos before running out to put the garbage cans by the curb. If this were Kristen Stewart, we’d be inundated with e-mails from angry Twilight fans arguing that clogging is so hot right now and insisting that if you have ever stood within four feet of anyone who is on his or her feet all day for a living — like a food-service professional, or a nurse, or a really unpopular hooker — then your feet will hurt so badly in sympathy that you TOO will wear shoes like this all over town. But since Elizabeth Reaser is in the lesser category of Twilight stars — the ones where you go, “Oh, RIGHT, I forgot about him/her,” kind of like with Peter “Mr. Kelly Taylor” Facinelli — then I think maybe a couple of them will just worry that she banged her head on an open kitchen cabinet and maybe start writing a concerned e-mail to her agent that they will forget to finish.