Fug File: athletes

Fabs and Fabbers: The US Figure-Skating Championships

First of all, thank you so much for your patience in waiting for this post. We were traveling, and then I got run over by the Globes/Critics Choice Awards/SAGs train BUT I AM BACK and we have a LOT of falling down, illusion netting, and crotches to discuss. Also: I can’t believe that none of you told me that Rachael Flatt is wearing white skates now! VICTORY IN OUR TIME! (Well, except for Rachael. Poor Rachael. Just go back to college, girl.) Also also, we clearly need to talk about Ashley Wagner’s epic crack-up and how she ended up making the team anyway, which I understandthe Deadspin article I linked to last week called it the Marta Karolyi effect (if only US women’s figure skating was anywhere near as tight as US women’s gymnastics was in 2012) — but I still think feels a little unfair, perhaps because I just enjoy the drama of having nationals be, essentially, the Olympics trials and if you screw up, it just plain old sucks to be you.  AND ALSO ALSO ALSO we need to talk about how the Olympics is now having team skating. SO MUCH SKATING!

[Photos: Getty]


Fug the Uniform: The USA in Sochi

Well, here’s one way to ensure Canada will take the gold (AGAIN) in the event that really counts: winter clothes. If you make a sculpted Olympic athlete look terrible… WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE, RALPH?

[Photos: Ralph Lauren]


Naked Fuggerday: Cristiano Ronaldo

This feels relevant to Fug Nation’s interests.

You’re not the goalie, Cristiano. No hands on the balls. ZING. This poorly constructed zinger is brought to you by Lone Star beer and a sleepless night.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Fugsey Vonn/Fug or Fab, Lindsey Vonn

First, can we talk about how they’re bringing the (now officially) retired Johnny Weir to Sochi to do commentary? This could bode excellently for my enjoyment level of the Winter Olympics. If I can’t have Dick Button puncturing the dopey non-commentary with cranky opinions, I hope Johnny will at least dose us with some honesty. While also sticking it to the political situation over there.

And that brings us to probable Sochi Olympian Lindsey Vonn, who is making the rounds right now:

That is a terrible sweater. The whole outfit is certainly daytime casual, but it’s also terribly dull, and I seriously think — in addition to being the enemy of hips everywhere — that the top looks like it’s breaking out into meth acne.

She dressed up a bit more to visit Letterman:

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Fug the Uniforms: NCAA Football So Far

Otherwise known as, “Why Is Everyone Trying To Out-Crazy Oregon?” It’s not an exhaustive slideshow from the season so far — there are a ton of games not in our subscription, for some reason — but it’s a serviceable tasting platter.

But may I vent? Okay: Is there anyone who would ONLY knows about breast cancer because of these sports jostling to be the pinkest of the pink during October? Did anyone watch the Oregon game and think, “Huh. Breast cancer. I WAS UNAWARE.” It’s not that I begrudge good intentions; it’s that Pinktober is beginning to feel more like a time for self-congratulation, and pandering to female viewers, than doing any actual good for the cause. This isn’t isolated to sports, and I am not trying to single out Oregon — I’ve heard that a lot of these pink products actually end up sending very little money to breast-cancer charities — but there is a point where pomp and PR circumstance mean nothing if you aren’t backing it up. The absurdly rich NFL apparently donates an embarrassingly minimal amount of money to the cause it spends all month so fervently cuddling, via pink decor and pink merchandise. If the color inspires other people to donate, then great, but that is also a very passive approach to take by these organizations. It feels half-hearted and half-assed. If these people want to pink it up, and have it NOT come across as disingenuous, then spend less time making pointless pink penalty flags and more time on league-wide fundraising and giving with significant percentages going where it matters and not back in their pockets. Don’t just say, “See? Look! Pink! We love breasts! Now here’s a nickel.”

[Photos: Getty]


Fugs, Fabs, and Fines: The Miu Miu Party at the Venice Film Festival

If it’s a Miu Miu party, can we assume they’re all wearing Miu Miu?

[Photos: Getty]