Fug File: ARIA Awards

Fugs, Fabs, and WTF: The ARIA Awards Red Carpet


Every year I have to look up what the ARIA Awards actually are, and every year I say the same thing to myself: “Oh, RIGHT! The Australian Grammys! Sort of. Right?” So, as is now tradition, Australian readers, please correct me if I’m wrong about that — or about any Aussie Celeb Facts I screw up in the course of this post.

[Photos: Getty]

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Fug the ARIAs


In which we, yet again, pay tribute to the plethora of wackitude brought to us by Australian celebrities.

[Photos: Getty]

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Fug or Fine: Taylor Swift


Meh.

That bodice is bothering me here — something about it is making her chest look fake, which I don’t believe it is. Eau d’Implants is not really the flavor a lady wants. Butmostly, I really want a look inside her closet to see what the breakdown is: I’m guessing 50 percent white or nude, 30 percent red, and 20 percent metallic sparkles, 100 percent rut.

Is this a good look?

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[Photo: Getty]

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ARIA Awards Hilariously Played, Nicki Minaj


This is SERIOUSLY my favorite thing Nicki Minaj has ever worn. She looks like a wall-hanging at Margaritaville.

[Photos: Getty]

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ARIA Awards Fug Carpet: Clare Bowditch


Frankly, I’m not sure what to make of singer Clare Bowditch here.

But I have three pressing thoughts on the matter:

1) If you are, as advertised, “bigger than the $$,” then wearing a dress made of trash bags is an excellent way of putting said $$ where your mouth is;

2) Eyewear aficionado Kanye West is totally going to want this woman’s phone number;

3) He will have to wrestle Helena Bonham Carter for it.

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ARIA Awards Fug Carpet: DJ Havana Brown


Google tells me that DJ Havana Brown is really popular in Australia, and was the “support DJ” for Britney’s recent tour.

She is also wearing hats on her shoulders.

While I’m sure this is very handy if, say, her shoulders are trying to hide an embarrassing receding hairline, they only enhance my perception of this person as Very, Very Skinny. Seriously, she’s already small, but the clavicle caps she’s got perched up there make her look even tinier. And yeah, I’m sure they’re actually sewn to something, or part of a tiny
cape, or whatever, but it’s way more entertaining to imagine them as I
first perceived them — which is to say, as tiny lids for her arms. What is the etiquette for shoulder hats, though? Do you, as with regular hats, have to remove them when the national anthem is played? And why hasn’t Karl Lagerfeld worn them five times already? I can hear him now: “Every bone has its beret. DREAM.:

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