Fug File: ANTM

Still In the Running Towards Becoming America’s Next Top Fug

I think I am on record as saying that Jaslene here is my favorite winner of America’s Next Top Model (although I liked CariDee, and who doesn’t agree that Yoanna probably had the most amazing face of them all?). I stand by that. AND YET:

GIRL. I love you….but I don’t want to love THAT MUCH of you. PRITHEE look into something less breezily crotchtacular.

NYFug.com: Tyra Is Our Own ‘National Treasure: Book of Secrets’

And now Top Model is over. Our Wednesday nights at 8 just got a little less booked (thank god: juggling Pushing Daisies, Top Model and Bones was starting to get to me. What kind of monster expects you to choose between Tyra Banks, David Boreanez, and baked goods?).  Too bad this cycle didn’t go out with much of a bang. Well, unless you’re counting Tyra’s spectacular finale wardrobe. And we are:

Heather: And the SECOND ONE, with the sharp shoulder pads … somebody wants to be Joan Collins.
Jessica: I also thought she sort of looked like she had just beamed down from the mother ship.”

I know what you’re wondering: But how did National Treasure: Book of Secrets play into this? I wish I could explain that myself. It just DOES. Read and comment here, my gentle readers.


NYFug.com: Odds on ‘America’s Next Top Model’

At last! The Top Model finale is upon us! I’m sure you’re all very busy right now in preparation — reassembling your shrine to Tyra, practicing your runway strut, and sacrificing that goat — but when you get a moment, you could always take a break and check out our prognostications:

“In the editorial corner there’s the edgier McKey, whose quirky, toothy
smile might not sell Land’s End turtlenecks but is exactly what Tyra
means when she says “pretty-pretty” isn’t always “model-pretty.” Her
pictures have improved to consistent greatness, even with the hideous
makeover that looks like a drunk stylist ran amok with some shoe polish
and a Flowbee.”

If you get a hankering to read and/or comment on the whole kit and caboodle, you can find it here.


My Fug Brady

I occasionally look at Adrienne Curry and think, “I, ret’s SO WEIRD that the first ANTM winner married Peter freaking Brady.” It’s like the D-list version of Joey Potter marrying Tom Cruise.

The rest of the time, of course, I’m looking at her and marveling at how understated she is.


Fugged Over Lady

It is no secret that ANTM’s delicious Jade is one of our favorite reality show contestants. Anyone who spontaneously erupted into spoken-word poetry accompanied with snapping fingers as she exited the show is a treasure to be cherished. As is this particular ensemble:

A spangled bra top, perhaps nicked from a belly-dancing costume, worn as casually with jeans as a tank top? I feel a haiku coming on:

Amuse me, Jade Cole
Bra top with jeans? Whatever
You want. Please snap now.


Well Played, Tyra Banks

It shocks me to say this about anyone with crimped hair, but… I think Tyra Banks looks pretty great here, actually:

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

I mean, this is a woman who usually looks like she plucked her gown off a window in Versailles, or as if she is actually an aristocrat Marie Antoinette’s court who is about a week away from a sweaty revolutionary giving her the chop for her excesses. She is also prone to coifs that look like an homage to a fruit bowl. And that’s just scratching the surface. Tyra Banks is nothing if not a comparative science, and I have to say, this simpler dress with all the bracelets is refreshingly chic and sleek after all that hoo-ha. Sure, the material lays a little lumpy in places, but… seriously, whenever I have second thoughts about whether this dress is worth a pat on the back, I click back on that link to what she wore to the Daytime Emmys and it’s an affirmation. Yes, I cherish Tyra for all her overwrought excesses — hers is in my top five of Wig Closets And Wardrobes I Must Visit Before I Die — but sometimes it’s nice to see a reminder that there’s a lovely woman underneath all that hair and slap and pounds of fabric.