Fug File: ANTM

NYFug.com ANTM’s D-List Judges Undermine the Short-Model Concept


Those poor short models on this season’s ANTM. First, they’re short, so they’re never ACTUALLY going to be models. (Ladies, I feel you. I have to ask people for help getting things off the top shelf at the market. Um, not that that’s the only thing keeping me from modeling. You know what I mean.) Then TyTy makes them be judged by the likes of Kim Kardashian. WHITHER JANICE? WHITHER?!

“Kim Kardashian can apply makeup, yes, and delivered a very touching
performance on her sex tape; however, considering that she couldn’t
even convince us she was surprised when that hit the Internet, we can
hardly trust her evaluation of performances in CoverGirl commercials.”

Who’s with us? Light your torches! To the barricades! Defend the shorties! All this complaining — AND MORE awaits you at NY Mag.com.

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Fug Model


Apparently, it’s WTF ANTM Day here at GFY. Because Eva Pigford wasn’t the only Top Model winner running around this week. The sad truth is, we’re featuring my three favorite winners today. You already saw Eva, but here’s poor CariDee:

She doesn’t look utterly wretched. But we’ve GOT to talk about this hair situation. I don’t know what’s going on with the actual CUT, but the styling makes her look like She-Trump with an accessories fetish.

And then, like Maude, there’s Jaslene:

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Eva Fugford


I am distressed to see that Eva “Changed Her Last Name To Marcille But I’m Not Buying It” Pigford is blowing her Young and Restless paycheck in the toddler section of Gymboree.

[Photo: WENN.com]

I don’t care how leggy it makes her look. That thing is meant to be worn on a hot summer day by a pig-tailed moppet, not a Pigford strumpet who is still wearing her arm bracelet from last night’s club.

It also tweaks me that Eva has reverted to
the blonder hair color Tyra Banks picked for her, because Tyra has as
stellar a record with makeovers as I have pitching no-hitters in the
big leagues. But I AM deeply amused that Eva has found herself a purse that looks about as much like a hair weave as those nasty-ass things Tyra forces her models to get. In fact, I would not be at all shocked to turn on ANTM 13: Shorties On Parade to find that exact purse being sewn to some poor 5’7″-or-under girl’s head, about 23 minutes before she struggles in the photo shoot and then is cut for a) not being able to pretend she’s tall enough to model, and b) not understanding how to rock a cranial handbag.

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America’s Next Top Fugger


We have gotten a few emails over the last week about CariDee English here, former ANTM champion and current spokesmodel about town:

Namely, they are along the lines of, “WHAT HAPPENED TO HER FACE?” or “I was in a cab last night and CariDee was on some ad on the TV in the cab and I was like, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?” And there IS something different about her face and I’m scared it’s Botox or fillers or something — she’s so shiny, and she might just be shiny, but it might also be the weird shine you get when you’ve been screwing with your face, medically — but I can’t figure it out. I am, needless to say, a little concerned. However, in my attempt to try, I found photos of her at a Super Bowl party in 2007 and she is wearing THIS EXACT SAME WRETCHED SHORTS SUIT….except without a shirt.  So even if she is messing aroung with Dr. Frozen Face, at least progress has been made SOMEWHERE. By 2012, we might even see her in pants!
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NYFug.com: Dissecting the ANTM finale


If you haven’t seen it yet, we won’t spoil it for you, but Top Model finished its twelfth cycle last night and per usual, we gabbed about it for New York magazine. Here is a pleasantly vague excerpt, edited for GFY to try and prevent our foreign and/or DVR-reliant readers from getting mad:

Jessica: [Contestant Name Redacted] also got to take a break from walking at the end to indulge in some interpretive dance.

Heather: You mean the high-fashion mud-wrestling? For a second there, I thought we were watching a really strange bachelor party.

Jessica: I feel like Nigel may have appreciated that development more than anyone else in the room.

Heather: There is a “long lens” joke here that I’m too much of a lady to make. But only barely.

Click here to see the rest of the piece if you are unafraid of spoilers, or you watched the show and want to join in the fray.

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Met Ball Fug Carpet: Paulina Porizkova


Well, I love Paulina Porizkova, and I think however she’s doing her aging has been a magnificent choice for her. I also wish she and Janice Dickinson had gotten the chance to be on the same ANTM judging panel. Neither of them mince their words but it’d give us so many genius squabbles because while Paulina’s critiques can be stern, Janice is Janice, and YES.

However:

She looks like the hottest woman in the Polyphonic Spree, whose day job is at an Orange Julius stand and who brushes her hair about 400 times a day.

And for those of you who craved a Mischa/Paulina comparison a week or so ago, let’s go ahead and stick ‘em side by side:

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