The rumors you’ve heard — or spread, or ignored — are true: Tyra Banks did indeed wear a different jumpsuit/catsuit/misbegotten lady-sheath every single week of this cycle of America’s Next Top Model. And in honor of last night’s big finale, we’re presenting them to you — entirely spoiler-free I promise — in an epic that I like to call “The Twelve Fugsuits of Banksmas.” Note: The photos are sucky quality, per usual, and I’m not actually listing these in order of appearance, because I accidentally did not photograph them in chronological order. Instead, they’re in reverse order of fugliness, with the comparatively least offensive ones first.
Fug File: ANTM
Oh my God, Caridee:
This is like what happens if you marry Blanche Devereux’s closet and Donald Trump’s hair-do. If that were a TV show, we’d call it, The Golden Apprentice Girl Celebrity, but as it’s apparently a fashion choice, I’m just going to call it CRAZY.
I am pretty sure this getup means Eva Pigford wants people to mistake her for Rihanna. But there is a flaw in her plan:
Like the swallows returning to Capistrano year after year, so can we count on one thing in this crazy life: just when you think you can wait no longer for a new CoverGirl, Tyra Banks anoints one. Yes, friends, the ANTM finale is tonight. REJOICE! As per tradition, we handicapped the finalists for NY Mag.com:
“The contest could potentially come down to intangibles like
relatability, which CoverGirl loves and country-girl Laura has in
spades. She positively oozes down-home quaintness, prone to twanging
things like “We don’t have a lot of oceans in Kentucky” and sporting
clothes made almost exclusively by her grandmother. She’s also got the
better backstory: If you don’t hear the phrase “castrating bulls” at
least three times in tonight’s episode, referring to Laura’s job before
the competition, we’ll go neuter one ourselves. (By which we mean we’ll
consider forgoing our nightly Diet Coke.)”
But who do we really think will actually win?! WHO? Pop over to NY Mag to find out. I know the suspense is killing you.