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The caption attached to this photo noted — diplomatically if not with great historical accuracy — that Miley is sporting a “Native American-inspired look.”
And that sound you just heard was every Native American reader of this Web site vigorously typing a press release (addressed to the entire world) in which s/he makes it VERY VERY CLEAR that her ancestors DID NOT and NEVER WOULD HAVE worn leopard print leggings. and that, in fact, they reject any connection with Miley, Billy Ray, and any Cyruses to be named later.
You guys remember that Sweet Valley High book where Elizabeth gets into a motorcycle accident and then she’s in a coma and then when she wakes up from the coma, she thinks she’s Jessica, and this leads to her acting all slutty and letting Bruce Patman — that cad! — touch her boob, and she doesn’t snap out of it until she, like, rolls off a sofa and cracks her head on the coffee table, and the force of it like KNOCKS the Elizabeth back into her? Of course you do. It’s only like the best SVH book ever.
Well, somehow they managed to keep it from the press, but judging from this picture, Fergie just woke up from a coma, and now she thinks she’s J Lo. Further proof: she wore this en route to sing the national anthem in Miami with Marc Anthony. IT’S OPEN SEASON FOR BOOB-TOUCHING, CADS OF HOLLYWOOD. At least until Josh Duhamel gets close enough to rip that hat off and clock her with something.
Paz de le Huerta is my current front runner for The Person Who Gets WAY Farther In Fug Madness Than Anticipated, a la Amber Rose:
I mean, look at this. SHE IS MAJESTIC, like the animal whose skin she sports. I would not at all be surprised to see her lick the back of her hand and start grooming herself.
Listen, Emmy people: Always nominate Chloe Sevigny. You want her on your red carpet in something long and froofy and wackadoo, not just at the post-parties in a tiny minidress that shows off her exceptional legs and makes my eyes cross:
RUSSELL SIMMONS: Hey, Serena.
SERENA WILLIAMS: Hi, Russell.
RUSSELL: Can we talk?
SERENA; I’m really busy right now, concentrating on posing in a way that best conceals my walking cast without falling over. Can you make it quick?
RUSSELL: I just wanted to talk about your outfit, is all.
SERENA: Sigh. This isn’t going to devolve into another conversation about Kimora, is it?
RUSSELL: NO! Not anymore. Although she does have a really –
RUSSELL: Sorry. I just like to talk about her! Anyway. I guess I’ll be going now.
SERENA: I thought you wanted to talk about my outfit!
RUSSELL: Not if you’re going to get all mad if I happen to drop the word “fabulousity” into the conversation.
SERENA: Well, Russell, “fabulousity” isn’t really a word.
RUSSELL: FINE. I’LL JUST THROW IT TO A POLL:
You know how occasionally I have complained that people’s shirts are looking at me? Well, Katy Perry’s actually IS.
[Photo: Splash News]