Fug File: a size too small

SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Jenna Ushkowitz


Oh honey. I didn’t want to see this happen to you.

You can’t really tell from this picture — and I couldn’t find a good shot of it — but on camera, you could COMPLETELY see poor Jenna Ushkowitz’s navel in this dress. Which…listen. If we can see your belly button through your gown, it is too small, or poorly lined, or both, and someone fell down on the job. I do like Jenna’s jewelry, and I actually think the color of this dress is very pretty on her — it, magically, doesn’t wash her out — but…DUDE. BELLY BUTTON. THROUGH DRESS. NOT OKAY. FIRE SOMEONE. That’s what Lea Michele would do.

What did she wear the night before?

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Golden Globes Fug Party: Kathleen Robertson


Hey, Kathleen Robertson,

Remember that time on 90210: Original Sauce when Steve accidentally washed your dead mom’s precious scarf and it shrunk and you were devastated by how something once appropriately sized turned all tiny and wonked up? It’s HAPPENED AGAIN. And this time, TO YOUR TOP.

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MOBO Awards Fug Carpet: Random Fug


So, Jetta John-Hartley here is apparently a singer — dear young celebrities, PLEASE get a Wikipedia page for out-of-touch bloggers such as myself — and I believe she is also currently, or was once, in a British choir called Sense of Sound, who I found on YouTube performing with a boy’s school in a clip that is so AWESOME that if you aren’t moved by it, I worry about your VERY SOUL.

This does not entirely explain why she’s wearing this to the MOBO awards, though, apparently sans the rest of the group (has she gone solo? I’m sure SOMEONE in Fug Nation will know):

I don’t know that I can with good conscience sign off on this outfit — for many reasons, the least of which being that I am worried those shorts may do her actual anatomical harm, and she seems like she might be awesome enough that we want her in one piece — but I have to admit that nothing cracks me up like a girl on the red carpet holding her own jacket, and wallet, and phone, like she’s trying to open her apartment door with her hands full instead of posing for the press. Someone get this girl an assistant, please!

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Paz Fug la Huerta


Paz de le Huerta is my current front runner for The Person Who Gets WAY Farther In Fug Madness Than Anticipated, a la Amber Rose:

I mean, look at this. SHE IS MAJESTIC, like the animal whose skin she sports. I would not at all be surprised to see her lick the back of her hand and start grooming herself.

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Fugbours


Holly Valance here is an Australian pop star/actress who not only appeared on Prison Break, but also had a hit single in Europe that was based on a hit single in Turkey. Yes, and she also dated Alex “MOONLIGHT” O’Loughlin. Wikipedia is a font of useful information!

In fact, I’m sure if Holly had logged on and looked up, “Does this fit?” Wikipedia would have gently wondered if she ought to think about going up a size.

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Twilight: Fuglispe


If you follow astrology, you know that this weekend is an eclipse the likes of which astrologers haven’t seen in centuries, which has led all of the ones I read to do things like send emails that say, for example, “in case you forgot this when you read it at the beginning of the month, WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE THIS WEEK THE ECLIPSE MY GOD THE ECLIPSE I’M NOT 100% SURE BUT ALL YOUR LIVES WILL PROBABLY BE IN RUINS. Also, this is a great time to get pregnant.” (My horoscopes have been trying to knock me up lately, too.) But I think I’ve figured it out. It’s not the eclipse that is ruining lives. It’s Eclipse. Like poor Elizabeth Reaser’s:

She and I are basically the exact same age, which is why I feel very comfortable saying to her: listen, honey. You can pull this dress off. But you HAVE TO GO UP A SIZE. Something this short and this tight is unseemly after a certain point and you and I are both past it. When your slip has scooted up so far your legs that the whole vampire-loving world can spy the juncture of your thighs, things have officially gone beyond the realm of what is appropriate for a grown-up. Give yourself an inch everywhere, and bask in the praise. And in being able to sit down. And breathe.

Also, I like you better with bangs.

That’s all.

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