Fug File: Met Ball

Met Gala Fug Carpet: Misty Copeland in Jason Wu

I would love for this to feel like a completed thought.

Misty Copeland

Instead, we get silvery tube on the top, and woeful hanky on the bottom. Misty deserves more. And we know Jason Wu can deliver it; maybe he’s just exhausted from pounding his head against the wall about Michelle Obama picking that rude Givenchy instead of calling him. I would be too.

[Photo: Getty]


Met Gala Fug or Fab: Brie Larson in Proenza Schouler

I’m sorry, I just got distracted for a moment by the woman behind her. The back of that dress has got a lot going on! (Wise to dress 360 for the Met Gala, where you KNOW you’re going to end up in the back of someone’s snaps.) Anyway. Brie:


This is cute? It both reminds me of the Prada dress Carey Mulligan wore to this event several years ago — which I loved — and those Gucci frocks that everyone has been wearing lately, and Brie’s own Golden Globes dress, despite sharing a designer with literally none of those things. I actually admire a lot about this: It’s dramatic, but you can walk, eat, and pee in it;  it’s vaguely futuristic, but she’s not going to look back at this in 10 years and wonder what the hell she was thinking; and I’m never going to complain about giant-ass paillettes. (The Paillettes is the name of my new girl group, I just decided.) I traditionally love Proenza — I saw one of their shows at the Armory like 100 years ago that was sincerely transportive — but I do wonder if this might not be ENOUGH for someone who just won an Oscar? Convince me otherwise.

[Photo: Getty]


Met Gala Fug Carpet: Nicki Minaj in Moschino

In bookstores this fall: Nicki Minaj’s The Pilgrim’s Boot Fetish.


It’s the triumphant, sexy tale of the romp between the original settlers and a time-traveling feminist who really has no f’ing patience for their varied flavors of bullshit, but in order to bring them down from the inside, she has to seduce them the way they like it best: with buckles.


Jeremy Scott appears as himself. Because let’s face it, he probably IS going to turn out to be a time-master.

[Photos: Getty]


Met Gala Well Played, Naomi Watts in Burberry

It seems I am utterly incapable of resisting Naomi Watts in a strapless shiny column dress. But what can I say? We all have a type!

MET Costume Institute Gala 2016

I think this is magical, and it also looks as if it’s made of the metallic plates they staple to the outside of the Space Shuttle for Science Reasons. Like, this dress is gorgeous on her and if she and Liev attach it to the roof of their townhouse today, they can probably bring down energy costs. It’s a win-win!

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Unfug It Up: Zoey Deutch in Dolce & Gabbana

I call this photo, “The Best Worst Position.”

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Because what a thing, to see that dress in action, but what an agony to have to plod up the stairs behind it. No matter what you’re wearing, you’re catching the tired fumes of people’s excited exhalations. I also feel like Zoey Deutch (daughter of Lea Thompson; to me, star of the late, lamented Ringer) has to be pondering how long she’s supposed to wait there before it’s universally accepted that Zoe Saldana has made it far enough up the stairs and/or can be safely passed on the left. They ARE wide enough to have a fast lane.

Let’s take a closer look at Zoey’s gown, which I ALMOST love.

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Met Gala WTF: Diane von Furstenberg

This is messing with my head.

Diane Von Furstenburg

I keep thinking I’ve accidentally fallen into her Snapchat. Maybe we can face-swap? Oh, wait… I can do that anyway.

[Photo: Getty]


Met Gala Fug or Fab: Chloe Sevigny in Simone Rocha

God bless Chloe Sevigny. The red lip, and the complex hair, and the AstroTurf fabric frock, and the lone butt cheek, and the fierce expression:

MET Costume Institute Gala 2016

I just want to…well, I’m not sure. Chloe Sevigny does not seem like a person who high-fives. She certainly will not allow me to hug her. Would she accept an enthusiastic thumbs up or a cheery finger gun? What kind of physical expression of appreciation can I give her as thanks for her continued sartorial elan? Can I….kiss her hand? Do I just bow deeply? Proffer a jaunty wave?

Whatever I’m allowed to do, I am doing it:

MET Costume Institute Gala 2016

This is deconstructed and slightly evil, like something you’d see on a fashionable but very mean governess. I will do whatever you say, lady. Although I will not sign off on your after-party look:

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - After Parties

This seems intended for the AFTER after-party, dude.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]