Fug File: Met Ball

Met Gala Well Played: Dakota Johnson in Jason Wu


Much like Kate Mara before her, Dakota is benefiting from my general excitement that this is something resembling anything.

I’m neutral on what her hair is doing — I think I’d have done a bun, maybe even sans bangs — but the lip is pretty, and the gown, disco-elegant. Would navy gloves have been too matchy? Because black feels a bit tacked-on, but I love the gloves in GENERAL — I think they are, actually, a fast way to beef up the glam factor of just about anything, and I may start applying that to my t-shirts and jeans. It’s going to be epic.

[Photo: Getty]

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Met Gala Well Played: Kate Mara in Valentino


I was going to put this up for a vote, because there are nits to pick, but then I decided that I don’t care because it’s pretty and it’s a ball gown and we needed MORE of those on Monday night.

Am I in love with the webbing? I don’t HATE it but it might’ve been just as nice without. Does her head seem styled up for a grand ball? No. But does she look pretty and dramatic and pretty damn dramatic? Yes. And the more people who pop up who actually DID at least put on a big skirt — even Sandra Lee, really — the more I want to applaud them all for being like, “Yeah, that’s right, y’all. I’m here. WALK AROUND ME.”

[Photo: Getty]

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Met Gala Fug Carpet: Chloe Grace Moretz in Chanel


I can’t believe we almost forgot to deal with this. It was one of my biggest Cathy moments of the entire night — you know, ACK, sweat drops, hair standing on end, the whole bit:

However, all will be forgiven if she brings me a cold Lone Star beer and a plate of fried chicken before she heads off to compete in Miss Galveston Honky-Tonk Festival and Great Chili Cook-Off.

[Photo: Getty]

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Met Gala Finely Played: Amy Adams


This is how we know we’re ready to put the Met Ball to bed.

H: Did we forget to do Amy Adams?

J: I could swear I read a post we wrote about her. But I didn’t write it.

H: I didn’t write it.

J: I must have DREAMED IT.

That might also be because this feels a LOT like a return to the Amy Adams of Yore, where we used to get that vague sensation that we’d seen her dress on her before even if we hadn’t. Her head looks very pretty, the color is nice, the dress is adept. It manages to toe the line of being relatively on-theme and yet also extremely safe. But, in what is actually a compliment to her, she’s gotten me trained to sit up and take notice and be excited; this made me a little slouchy and enervated instead. So, you know — it’s fine. But it’s not DAMN GIRL THAT IS FIIIINE. Or maybe I’m just tainted because I just put together the Best-Dressed poll options and some of those are so elaborately dreamy that I didn’t want to wake up, and this felt like my alarm going off.

[Photo: Getty]

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Met Gala Feh Carpet: Leighton Meester in Emilio Pucci


I really want to like this, but it has similar problems to an Elie Saab that Angelina Jolie wore not long ago.

That being, it’s not super flattering to the chest. I love the idea of a gold art-deco demi-caftan, but the way it hangs off her makes her look a lot more… gravitationally  touched. And the shoes make it Cheesecake on the Lanai rather than Big Fancy Gala.  I know she’s maturing and all, but this IS a woman who once wore a tulle Marchesa jumpsuit. She CAN go bigger and braver than this, and she’s certainly more interesting and young than it’s allowing. Mostly, though, I’m just sad that so much kick-ass fabric is being wasted on a gown that creating anti-mammarial optical illusions. AND on a night when her former co-star’s chest looked so resplendent. Serena Van Der Woodsen wins again.

[Photo: Getty]

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Met Gala Feh Carpet: Zooey Deschanel in Tommy Hilfiger


Remember last year when Zooey decided that punk = seersucker Tommy Hilfiger (?!!????)? Well, this is Tommy again — which makes sense, as she just did a line of clothing with him — and it IS more on topic, although I honestly think the only way to be less on topic would be to wear punk this year:

It’s pretty? Right? It’s fine, right? I find it incredibly hard to believe that anyone will look at this, gasp, clutch her hands to her chest and note that she must have the latest in Tommy Hilfiger or die, but also she’s not going to get laughed out of town. If you were aiming for “third unmarried sister on the left in a period romance,” you totally got it. (Don’t worry: Third Unmarried Sister on the Left totally ends up with Generic Second Son of Clergyman and you two will be very happy.)

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