[Photo: Splash News]
WILL: “… Why have we decided to adopt now? Well, there are so many lost souls, see, and we’re The Smith Family, and you are all going to let us do whatever the hell we want, or else we’re going to stop letting you look at us. We also want to give somebody an opportunity to really BE somebody, and to own a piece of whatever small country we’re about to buy so that we can have a seat at the United Nations and FINALLY have a say in foreign affairs, because come on, I punched a fake ALIEN one time, okay, and I killed a bunch of them in some other movies, and I defeated robots, and, like, I’ve had super powers… you NEED somebody like me, Liechtenstein, and I need you as a practice country until we’re ready to own Spain, or Japan, or maybe Canada. You are my Fresh Prince — I have to have you first, so that I’m ready for Independence Day, see? And so we are proud to announce our newest family member, my adopted son, this kid we’ve gotten close to named Jackie Chan — or as he’ll be known from now on, Jawillkie Chanda Smith. And in keeping with our family, he will have his own look, so next week Jada will fit him with a top hat and a custom clown suit. I think we’re all going to be very happy. He just might make something of himself someday. Thank you, and remember, Liechtenstein, we’re COMING.”
