SAG Awards SAD Carpet: SWINTON


I am worried about SWINTON:

This is so staid. Almost NORMAL. Even…BORING. Where is the delicious wacktacularity, the delightful weirdness, the glorious Bowie-esque bad-assery we’ve come to expect from SWINTON? She looks less like SWINTON and more like swinton. I’m seriously concerned. Can someone go over to the Bel Air Hotel — actually, what am I saying? SWINTON surely stays in some fantastic post-modern glass treehouse in the backyard of, like, a Cal-Tech rocket scientist/conceptual artists with whom she once spent a glorious naked weekend in the Maldives. Regardless, can someone go over there and make sure she’s not running a fever? Because something is amiss.

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Comments (63):

  1. La Fifie
    0

    It’s a Swinton cutout!

    • Sara L.
      0

      Totally! Like the base form of a SWINTON paper doll set.

      Speaking of which, now I really want a SWINTON paper doll set.

      • DanerKebab
        0

        I would buy SWINTON paper dolls for myself, my future daughters, and all of my friends.

      • Softwear
        0

        I would buy that. I would buy it, I would play with it, I would show it to people.

  2. Remi
    0

    This is what I imagine a retired vestal to look like.

  3. Heidi
    0

    I would like to have seen this in a neon green or orange. She could pull it off

  4. Bella
    0

    I think she looks lovely.

  5. Willow
    0

    It’s doing strange things to her arms :|

  6. Squirrel!
    0

    BELT.

  7. swellcat
    0

    I just love that she’s rocking the red lip! She looks gorge!

  8. marie
    0

    I actually love it. While I greatly appreciate her more off the beaten path getups, I really like the simplicity and minimalist elegance of it. She’s so statuesque and striking, it balances out the theoretical dullness of the dress.

    • neiges
      0

      yep.

      • Chasmosaur
        0

        yep x2. Sometimes it’s just nice to be reminded how incredibly beautiful this woman is.

    • Chris
      0

      Exactly. Sometimes, SWINTON needs to Swinton, or even swinton. I’m not gonna judge.

    • Louise
      0

      Yep, have to disagree with the blog post here. Technically it’s dull-o but she somehow manages to look AMAYYYZING in it! I even don’t mind that elasticy waist with no belt, which is almost blasphemous of me. (Maybe some mad shoes would’ve completed the look?)

  9. TaraMisu
    0

    I think she looks great; rather SWINTONIAN.

    • Chris
      0

      You know, I was just thinking – we need to start the SWINTONian Museum. Possibly with an accompanying magazine.

  10. Sophia Loren
    0

    I like this cuz it reminds me of the description of the Lanvin frock they dress Kay in at the end of The Group.

    And although there was a lot to like at the SAGs I like nothing so well as your Swinton fan fiction here.

  11. Lina
    0

    This is the totally sister to the green Bob Mackie curtain(-rod) gown Carol Burnett wore on her show back when I was little! And I really, really hope she was intentionally making that joke, because usually her choices have more of a statement to them, only this one doesn’t have any other statement than “Wasn’t The Carol Burnett Show great?”

  12. Rowynn
    0

    Whatever she puts on is always 110% of what it’s supposed to be, so I guess that would include her understated outfits, too.
    I like the dress, but the need for a little color, SOMEWHERE, is so urgent that it’s almost painful. I comfort myself by thinking that her underwear is bright purple, with yellow and pink roses on it.

  13. AliceBlue
    0

    SWINTON paper dolls? I want!

  14. Sajorina
    0

    Why SAD? I think she looks GREAT! Maybe adding a belt or a big necklace to this simple draped dress would’ve helped make more of a statement, but she looks like a Roman Goddess! I love the hair, the makeup, the bracelet, the ring and the shoes! Don’t worry, SWINTON is still very much herself!

  15. honeychurch
    0

    Thankfully she’s wearing an elephant posing pouch underneath that dress. It’s obvious, really.

  16. heironyms.
    0

    Guys, it’s not that she doesn’t look great. She looks awesome in everything–haven’t we established that? It’s more that she doesn’t look like herself. The dress looks like something she swiped out of La Jolie’s closet, and, while it looks better on her than it would on its owner, it’s simply not worthy of the epic magnificence that is SWINTON.

  17. Fuh Ugh
    0

    Team I Love This. I think it’s austere and beautiful – just like SWINTON. Absolutely LOVE that huge gold bracelet as the only ornament.

    I will enclose a SASE if you’ll send the SWINTON paper dolls please.

  18. Lynniekae
    0

    I kinda like it too. It’s plain for her, sure, but IMO, it still stands out.

  19. vandalfan
    0

    It needs a belt, or no sleeves.

  20. SWINTONLVR
    0

    I think she’s purposefully letting us down easy because God knows we’ll miss her at the Oscars. Imagine if she had showed up in something breathtakingly edgy – we’d all be saying “and could you just IMAGINE what she would’ve worn to the OSCARS” and shed some tears.

  21. kara
    0

    I’m obsessed. I think she looks like a dream.

  22. Improbable Joe
    0

    At least her hair still looks carved from plastic.

  23. JanetP
    0

    “She looks less like SWINTON and more like swinton.”

    I love that this sentence only makes sense on this blog.

  24. Erika
    0

    C’mon!! Everybody has lambasted EVERY ensemble Swinton has sported since the first time she ever showed up an any red carpet. So, this time she goes from funky/freaked out/too weird/too monotone/too angular/too whatever… to perfectly normal and respectable. And now you’re going to say her choice sucks AGAIN!! Give her a break!!

  25. Thomas
    0

    In the words of the Gap Girls: you just gotta CINCH it!!!

  26. Secret Spark
    0

    Something in the folds makes me suspect that it is a jumpsuit in disguise.
    Is it? Pretty please???

  27. Sandra
    0

    Pale people–and I know whereof I speak, being rather ghostly myself–should wear color. In a jewel-tone this would be fantabulous. In white and with no necklace she very seriously looks like she stepped out of the shower and said “Aw, f**k it! Let’s see what people say if I go to this thing in my bathrobe.” A very expensive and soft Turkish cotton bathrobe, but a bathrobe nonetheless.

  28. Travis Harrison Lafferty
    0

    That’s an Alexis Carrington evening caftan if I’ve ever seen one. Less shoulderpads though. I think with bigger shoulderpads ironically it would have been more SWINTON as well. Also maybe some fire and a neckless made of dubloons.

  29. amy
    0

    I just want to spend a naked weekend in the Maldives with a rocket scientist/conceptual artist, please. I’ll bring my own sunblock.

  30. openroses
    0

    Okay, somebody get Tom Tierney on the line. We’re going to need the following outfits: strange tweed Amelia Earhart hooded getup (with goggles) from this summer’s W magazine spread, weird one-armed velvet column dress in which she teased Clooney about the nipples on the batsuit, all the outfits from I Am Love, including the one where she is wearing nothing but the hot Italian chef, and of course the classic I-am-wearing-a-button-down-in-cream-and-a-skirt-in-yellow-so-top-that-Sharon-Stone. Then we need extra paper dolls: one of her husband, one of her boytoy (in a kilt, please! from the flashmob.) I will only take a consultant credit, thank you.

  31. Moi
    0

    She looks great. Period. And I, for one, am OVER the Bowie references.

  32. Rowynn
    0

    OK, I admit that I am so far out of the fashion loop that I can’t even see it from here, so I have to ask…. what is an elephant posing pouch?

  33. Cleo
    0

    Welcome Tilda in simple garb, her own awesomeness easier for all to see. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication, Leonardo (da Vinci) said – motivating quote in a book on decluttering I’ve been reading to muster courage on the home front – and I dare say this is what we have on glorious display here.

  34. Dani
    0

    I’d like to believe she’s wearing this in an ironic manner.

  35. TonyG
    0

    The dress looks good on her, but I did not like it at all, because of the boredom factor. Maybe this is SWINTON cleansing her palate for the Oscars.

  36. kscoaster
    0

    I think she looks great. Besides, she’s on a red carpet with a tbs logo in the background. You think SWINTON is breaking out the crazy for that?

  37. megan
    0

    she needs a colour or a necklace or a belt

  38. daphne
    0

    .. it’s like lemon sherbet BETWEEN two courses at a Frrrench restaurrrrant: gotta clear the palate. pause.

    can’t do wacktacular without the putting it into relief, too!

    (-: anyways. that’s my theory. she’s too awesome to doubt. I’ll not second guess La Swinton.

  39. daphne
    0

    groan: that’s SORBET, not sherbet. sigh. sorry!

  40. Lillbet
    0

    Whaddya mean “boring”? She looks so ethereal, so elegant and other worldly. She’s still SWINTON to me. And always will be.

  41. meow
    0

    It’s not as out there as her other stuff, but that’s just because she’s a class act. Now that she’s out of the awards race she doesn’t want to show up anyone else. Nothing bugs me more than people who show up to award shows wearing blatant “pay attention to me” garb when they’re not the focus of the event.

  42. Franziska
    0

    I was very disappointed with this outfit. It’s just not Swintonian enough.

  43. oohsparkley
    0

    She looks great and it looks like it has shoulder pads. Not everyone could carry it off – she was just in the mood for some understated elegance. I imagine she lounges around the house like this.

  44. Mahastee
    0

    Three words to Swinton this up; Giant. Studded. Belt.

  45. Sarah
    0

    I disagree with the post. I forget how truly striking SWINTON can look under all the craziness sometimes, and I think it is refreshing to see her in something that actually makes you look at her and not her crazy dress, flock of seagulls hair, trash bag suit, etc. Would a big belt have been better? Yes, but she looks truly stunning and it is still keeping with her SWINTON minimalism.

  46. Bambi Anne Dear
    0

    I think she probably smelled interesting.

  47. MK Martin
    0

    looks like Angie picked it out for her.