So, in addition to looking like a wannabe-runaway bride and all her personal drama, I feel sort of bad for Charlene Wittstock. It must be so hard to have a royal wedding in the shadow of The Royal Wedding, which was always going to be more grand, more star-studded, more prominent. Oh well. I guess that’s why you invite Naomi Campbell: For one thing, she will wear something skimpy to the reception that looks like her torso just opened the curtain on act one of a play called Breast Of Luck, Newlyweds, and for another, maybe she will get enraged when somebody asks about her hip fungus and bury a chocolate fountain in that person’s nostril. All press is good press, right?

[Photos: Getty and Splash]