The first round saw way more upsets than the actual March Madness, except for in this chunk of the bracket, which is as-predicted except for one seed. What remains are some contests that are surprisingly tough for so early in the tournament. Vote while you can because polls close after 24 hours. And again: The photos we use are just representative samples; the idea is to take their whole body of work into account. Enjoy!

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(1) Keke Palmer vs. (9) Dascha Polanco

If we think of Fug Madness like a tennis match, this one is tough: Every shot Dascha makes, Keke seems to club back over the net. For example, Dascha is going to serve with this never-before-seen-here dress from back in May:

2016 People En Espanol

And that is a seriously powerful serve, but you know who has a good return game?

Demi Lovato at The 27th Annual GLAAD Media Awards in LA

BOOM. But Dascha is undeterred:

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Keke would flinch, because obviously. But she’d answer with this:

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That’s not even the only buttcheek shot she has in her arsenal. This one was beyond awful, too. Child, a wedgie is not a garment.

Dascha’s turn to bang it over the net:

23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

It’s a nice return. But Keke, too, has an affinity for bras and bra-tops. Like this one here, or the infamous denim one (worn in January in New York), this rosy Comic-con bra, or the Hairy Chest one, or the plastic see-through one… or basically her entire Instagram of street-style stuff, like this tube top with sleeves:

A post shared by Laurennnn Palmer (@keke) on

She even has an identical one in black, which I found elsewhere on her Instagram. She bought that TWICE. Or, got it for free and thought, “It’s such a slam-dunk that I’m going to WEAR THEM ALL.”

Dascha would be ready for that and throw her best/worst at it:

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Here, Keke can carefully consider her shot selection. More braless transparency (with fur)? Lace-up pants, also with a fur? Pepto Couture with, you guessed it, fur? This abuse of jeans?

Jennifer Lopez at Ice Age: Collision Course Premiere in LA

Or this shirt-cape, which she wore to a book signing:

All those would be worthy returns. But I think we all know what Keke’s next smash should be:

Keke Palmer Shops In NYC

From the front, you can see her pubic stubble. True story.

What do you think: Is it a winner, or will Dascha have the last laugh?

Archives: Keke, Dascha

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(4) Ashley Graham vs. (5) Diane Kruger 

I’m not going to lie: This one has me rubbing my hands together with glee. Both of these ladies have deployed some epic fuggery. I will never get over this one:

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Diane Kruger can dial up anything she wants, pretty much, and THAT is what she chose? Diane, have you seen your legs? Your legs are THE BEST. Don’t do this to them.

That pattern is really cute, but the thigh window and the weirdo chest strap are not. She also, do not forget, wore this Shakespearean confection, a cold-shoulder shirt under a vest, a wretchedly overstyled Quirky Vintage type thing to a fashion show, and ugh.

2017 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals

I think the entirety of Fug Nation howled in agony when she wore that.

And the badness of this cannot be overstated:

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Girlfriend, it was not your year.

Ashley had a VERY big year in terms of her profile: She’s on ANTM, she landed on Vogue, she was in SI again, and she just generally saw her level of fame skyrocket. And what did she do with that spotlight?

VIBES By Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2017 Launch Festival - Day 2

Eh. It’s so Kardashian, including the wet-look hair.

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That looks a bit like it hurts.

VIBES By Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2017 Launch Festival - Day 1

And so does that. I am all for Ashley wearing body-hugging silhouettes, but I’m genuinely concerned that this is crushing her ribs.

Let’s not forget the real reason she was seeded so high: transparent pants.

Glamour Women Of The Year 2016 - Arrivals

This is objectively terrible, and I want to put it in fashion jail. But Ashley LOVES transparency. It’s a trick she has pulled out againand AGAIN, and YET AGAIN:

I can’t wait to see how y’all vote in this one.

Archives: Ashley, Diane

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