Orange Fugs The New Black: Dascha Polanco


Dascha wore this to Disney’s Frozen On Ice.

Dascha Polanco

It looks more like Playboy’s Groundskeepers Ran Out For Ice.

[Photo: Splash]

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Royally Played, Kate Middleton in Goat (Sadly, not WITH Goat)


Last time she went to this event, she played volleyball in giant wedges. Last time she wore this designer, a little girl gave her a painting. This outing had neither wicked volleyball spikes NOR adorable artwork from talented children, but it did have new boots and lots of athletes and I like both of those things.

[Photos: Getty, Splash]

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Fugs and Fabs: The Premiere of The Homesman


In which several questions are answered, like “What is Hilary Swank doing PR for so much, lately?” (this) and “is Hailee Steinfeld SO pretty?” (yes, she is) and “Would Meryl Streep’s kid ever wear a weird slip out of the house?” (oh my yes) and also, “Miranda Otto, does she age?” (apparently not).

[Photos: AKM/GSI, Fame/Flynet]

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Well Played, Elizabeth Banks in Saint Laurent and Monique Lhuillier


well-played

In which Elizabeth Banks continues to kill it.

[Photos: Splash]

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Fug the Show: How To Get Away With Murder recap, season 1, episode 7


It’s episode seven out of 15 for this show, and I’m already REALLY getting weary of green-tinged flashbacks and MUUURDER. Which is not a great sign.

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Rebecca Sutter is also tired of it all, but that might be because this pork blood facial she tried did NOTHING to reduce the size of her pores.

On The Night of the Brain Bleed, Wes appears to have taken a splattered Rebecca up to Annalise’s bathroom to wash off Sam’s DNA. With a TOWEL. One of Annalise’s towels, I presume. I wonder where he put it. Did they burn it? Did he take it to a launderette? Anyway, he wets it and wipes her face off as best he can, and then kisses her, and… I mean, I know she’s traumatized, but I might not have kissed this person until some soap was involved.

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Flashback — we are now, by the way, two weeks before MUUURder, Shonda Wrote — to the The Pretty Little Landscape of Lawyers, jotting down notes intently as Rebecca discusses what happened the night Lila was killed. Her story matches Griffin’s, including her saying she choked Lila out on the roof. Everyone gasps, until Rebecca giggles about pulling their collective legs. Annalise, who is doing her patented Lean and Listen, starts barking at her that everyone will dismiss her as guilty trash if she can’t take this seriously, because if Rebecca doesn’t care then why should anyone else. Including a jury. She has a point. Characters who are willfully smug and stupid really chap my hide. This idiot CONFESSED TO MUURDER and is now acting like it’s super inconvenient and boring that anyone is trying to get her off the hook for said muuurder. I mistakenly wrote “flaskback” before I corrected it to “flashback,” but I’ve decided that “flaskback” should be a thing that means I Need A Drink To Deal With This Show.

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Asher makes this face. It doesn’t matter why.

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Fug or Fab the Gift: Kim’s Hermes Bag


I want to be clear: I am not fugging North West’s artwork. That kid isn’t even two years old. She’s not SUPPOSED to be doing anything other than swirling things around and making handprints with help from an adult. She didn’t make this with an eye toward it being photographed, because SHE’S BARELY A TODDLER. We are not making fun of her output. It’s totally a little girl having fun with this crazy-ass canvas someone handed her.

Kim Kardashian

But let’s think about it as a gift. This is clearly Kanye trying to out-Angelina Angelina, by sticking North’s early artwork onto a couture bag rather than a custom wedding gown (I’m sure he’s super angry they didn’t think of making Kim’s a mosaic of North’s face, claiming North approved the sketch and personally glued every construction-paper tile). It is also, I think, a thousand times more soothing to receive than the infamous Bag, which, frankly, might have been every bit as horrifying to find in a box as a severed head.

Let’s check it out more closely, just to examine it:

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