Oscars Well Played: Natalie Portman


well-played

You guys know I am not a huge Natalie Portman fan. So you know my judgement here is not marred by misguided love for her. In fact, I don’t particularly like her, period — although I did feel bad for her (and the world) when we all had to sit through that awkward, awkward segment last night where she had to, like, personally toast each of the Best Actor nominees.  (I kind of wish she could have just spoken extemporaneously, e.g,  “Dude from that movie no one saw, I’m sure you were awesome.” “Hey, Gary Oldman, SIRIUS BLACK RULES,” etc.) BUT. I think this dress is delightful.  It’s vintage Dior, and, to quote Kiefer Sutherland the time at a bar that he told me he liked my coat and I told him it was vintage, “I CAN TELL.”

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Comments (76):

  1. Sara L.
    0

    Actually she would have said something about the Professional, since she was actually in that with Gary Oldman. Did she mention it last night? I might have blacked out from embarrassment during that section.

    • Dru
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      It is a criminal injustice that Natalie Portman has an Oscar before Gary Oldman was even nominated for one. Props to her for mentioning the ridiculousness of the never-nomination, though.

      • Sara L.
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        Amen to that.

      • Amanda
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        Amen x2. Her winning that oscar for black swan lets everyone know that Oscar voters are only straight white men. We knew that before the Hollywood Reporter blew that story up. She’s so bland and the same in every movie.

      • Sajorina
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        Then, you should see her in “Closer”, she was so good in it that she should’ve won the Oscar she was nominated for that year as Best Supporting Actress!

    • A.J.
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      I hope she said something like, “Hey Gary Oldman, remember that time we had a creepy standoff in a men’s bathroom? Good times.” His character from “The Professional” still creeps me out.

      I really loved her dress. And really wish she would ditch Ballet K-Fed (whoever came up with that is genius!)

  2. Jen
    0

    The dress is so cute, and (I’m not a Natalie fan either) (shrugs shoulders) who cares, the necklace is ok, she probably had to balance out so that the dress wouldn’t look too twee…

    but hey, Jessica, LOVE that you had a Kiefer shout out for your vintage coat! That’s better than 4 celebrities-at-the-Oscars sightings!

    Also, I am growing concerned about your all-day marathon of posting (although it’s been GREAT on the receiving end!), do you need us to send over pizzas or anything?!

    • Stefanie
      0

      The ladies at GFY have gotten way WAYYYY more done today than I have!

      • Sajorina
        0

        All I’ve managed to do today is clean my bathroom, feed my cats and read posts on this site! The FugGirls are pros!

    • Orange clouds
      0

      May I add that Kiefer means “jaw” and “pine” in German? So there is that. (Also Depp means “idiot” in my mother tongue but that’s beside the point.)

      I don’t really care for Natalie’s dress, she always looks too twee for me.

  3. What what
    0

    Agree agree, love this! I’d do about anything for that necklace.

    Also, her ballet dude is wearing a wedding band… wonder if these two secretly married?

  4. Stefanie
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    Ballet K-Fed! That right there is why I read this blog daily!

    I love this. It so cute and it just makes me happy.

    • Jessica
      0

      Heh, I wish I could take credit for that — that’s TM Lainey. (I believe.)

  5. maria
    0

    Sorry but this is just boring. I don’t know that it would have been any better on anyone else either.

  6. jennifer
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    More importantly…WHAT ABOUT THE MISSING FOREARM IN THE THIRD PICTURE? Is no one concerned???

    • Lauren
      0

      I was just about to post on that! Is her arm behind her back and that’s the just the front of her sweater? It sure looks like a sleeve, doesn’t it? What is going on?!

  7. Elle
    0

    Wow, that reminds me of the time that I met Kiefer in a bar. He got all chummy with a friend of mine who happened to be a very butch lesbian – he was hanging all over her (she was honestly really stoked about it) – and they had the following exchange:

    Kiefer: “I’m such a cunt.”
    Dani: “That’s okay, I like cunts.”
    Kiefer: “I know you do!”
    [Kiefer leans over and kisses her full on the mouth.]

    May he never leave us.

    • Stefanie
      0

      Oh shit. This is priceless.

      Im so jealous of the Keifer interactions!

      • Jessica
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        Hah! He did not kiss my mouth, but he did kiss my hand, and lovingly cradle my face in his hands, and fondle my coat. Through the window of my car. This was, by the way, the night before the Globes one year. A year he was nominated. He looked real hung over at the awards the next day.

      • Sajorina
        0

        Jessica, I think that my very single older brother, who loves Jack Bauer, and you may be made for each other!

    • Jen
      0

      May we all meet up with Kiefer in a bar.

    • Kristen from MA
      0

      O.o

    • Dru
      0

      WHOA. That sounds awesome, long live Kiefer Sutherland.

  8. Dru
    0

    Ok, what?! Did I drink some crazy-making things, because I really hate that funny shelf-boob effect the dress is giving her (yes, it’s vintage Dior. No, that doesn’t mean it’ll look right at the Oscars) and I hate that limp, half-assed hairstyle of hers even more.

    I do like the hair she has in the fashion week pic though. And the cardie (is that an old Rodarte? Looks like it.).

    • Annie
      0

      Her hair is both greasy- and stiff-looking. Hate the hair. Hate the necklace. Love the dress regardless of my irrational dislike of NP.

  9. corriner
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    I am NOT of fan of Portman, but I am definitely a fan of this dress. I do think the necklace and dress don’t seem to quite go together, but I can see how something matchy-matchy would have made it a bit twee. So there that is.

  10. Eli
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    THIS is what Kenley from Project Runway should aspire to with all her polka dot love instead of the stupid twee outfits she makes that the judges are inexplicably in love with. Harumppph.

    • Sandala
      0

      Yay! and Blech on Kenley, I can’t stand her or her stupid 40′s vibe. It made me so mad when she had her hair in rollers with a scarf.

  11. neiges
    0

    I really like the dress.
    But more importantly, I love how Kiefer Sutherland always knows things. May we all meet Kiefer at a bar indeed!!!!

  12. Nancy
    0

    I usually am A SUCKER for polka dots and am quite fond of Ms. Portman (ever since The Professional) but I do not like this for the Oscars. Somehow, the black dots on red background with the shelf boob action is not doing it for me. And another thing, the hair behind the ears makes her ears look pointy, like an elf on Lord of the Rings.

  13. liz_bee
    0

    I think I would like this dress better as a tea-length. So not as an Oscar gown. This bores me a bit.

  14. Kris M
    0

    I think this was one of my favourite dresses this year. Mostly because it was so different. It wasn’t the shade of dishwater, it wasn’t fishtail, and it didn’t have an extra shelf at the hips. Very flattering, very pretty.

  15. Karen
    0

    The Oscar dress is sweet, and she looks sweet in it.

    But what I really want is Ballet K-Fed’s jacket in the Fashion Week photo. That is di-VOON.

  16. rose
    0

    Natalie looks good, and not totally condescending, for a change. Lia Michele never looks good.

  17. jem0512
    0

    The thing I found surprising about this dress was everyone saying it looked like her dress last year or they forgot what she wore last year. I loved her purple rodarte last year – I thought it was beautiful, especially given that she was about 11 months pregnant at the time!!

  18. Lisa
    0

    I bet she’s just psyched to be doing awards season NOT pregnant. She must be running for the free bar.

    Or am I projecting a bit here?

  19. Sally
    0

    Now I’m just going to go about my day remembering how DAMN HOT Kiefer Sutherland was in “Stand by Me” and “Lost Boys”. And even sometimes on 24. Sutherland, lay off the booze, we love you too much!

  20. Sajorina
    0

    I am a fan of Natalie’s… I love the girl & I love the dress! Just like Kiefer, I can tell it’s vintage! I agree that the necklace is a bit too much for it, but I think she was trying to dress it up because it’s so simple! I think its beauty is in its simplicity and that gorgeous fabric! I like that she went with simple hair & makeup, but I would’ve died for a bold red lip! I think she should’ve either worn all yellow gold jewelry (like the clasp on her awesome clutch), black diamonds or, maybe, black pearls… I’m salivating! FAB!!!

  21. Charlotte
    0

    I don’t love the hair or the necklace, but the dress is cute….but what is it made of? Looks cheap and resemblant of wrapping paper, even though it is sure to be spun from the smiles of mute babies

    • TiaChocolate
      0

      I’m trying so hard not to snort and have failed miserably. “the smiles of mute babies”? okay…you have made my night. ahahahahahaha!!

  22. KatieL
    0

    I LOVED the necklace. I didn’t even mind the awkward talking about each candidate because all I could think of was “SPARKLY!”

    Have I mentioned that I think I also might have been a magpie in a former life?

  23. Sandra
    0

    I love this dress. It’s clean-lined and elegant.

    • Annie E
      0

      Me too. It’s interesting but not like she’s trying to steal the show. She also did a great job with the Best Actor props – like she actually meant what she was saying.

  24. AK
    0

    The necklace and dress just don’t go together very well.

    At some angles, the dress look like it fit her perfectly, but at others, it looked like it was far too big in the bust (like Ellie Kemper’s).

  25. mepe
    0

    I did not recognize NatPort in that NYFW picture…at all. But that happens to me when people change their hair. Love the vintage polka-dot dress and agree that the large diamond necklace was too much…wish she’d worn a simple diamond strand…maybe like Michelle Williams necklace. Still…surprised the fuggers liked it and wonder if they would’ve had they not known it was vintage?

    • Jessica
      0

      I would have; I love a polka dot. I don’t usually care whether things are vintage or not, actually (although I have a fair amount in my wardrobe).

    • notemily
      0

      I can’t even believe that third photo IS Natalie Portman. I refuse.

      I think the “previous winner talks to current nominees” bit would have been much, much better if they had used full names. Using only first names made it way too familiar and just highlighted how hard it is to believe that all these people are best buds. It should be a respectful fellow-performer thing, not forced chumminess.

  26. chia
    0

    Her head looks strangely out of proportion in that final picture. I know her head is not actually out of proportion based on the other pictures though, so that photog should be punished.

  27. Deborah
    0

    This was the one gown that I found entirely meh.

  28. Maisie
    0

    OK, Jessica, forget the dress (which I personally find adorable–especially for a vintage Dior–and believe suits her to a T), you simply must dish on why you “don’t particularly like” Natalie Portman, “period.” Did she do something to rile you personally? Did she once spill her coffee on you at a fashion show and not even bother to apologize? Are you basing this dislike on her choice of movie roles? WHAT?!

    • Jessica
      0

      Nah, I just think it always seems like there’s no There There with her, and I don’t think she’s a great actress. I’ve talked about it here before. She just seems vacant to me? She’s just never done it for me. Like, EVER. In anything, although I did really like her in Black Swan. But it’s not for an actually juicy personal reason, at all.

  29. vandalfan
    0

    Best dress, by far. A pox on blousy-ness, navel cleavage, tulle tulle tulle, improper use of sequins or lame’, or sheer overlays.

  30. Fuh Ugh
    0

    Meh. Oh, and … elf ears.

  31. guerra
    0

    yeah I like this dress, it gives her great shape! but I have to say the diamonds are a liitle too much buttttt I’d probably still wear it if some one offered me those diamonds!!!!

  32. Hermione
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    I have no interest in Natalie. Please keep the Kiefer stories coming.

  33. pizziehl
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    NO>NO>NO. The dress is fun, and that necklace is AMAZING but this outfit is a whole is a mess. Her hair looks terrible. The necklace does not match. And the dress is not dressy enough. Maybe all the posting is making you delirious…..

  34. Megan
    0

    As someone who lives in what the Coasts call “a flyover state,” PLEASE make “Jessica tells a story about running into a Hollywood type” a recurring feature.

    Pretty please?

  35. jean
    0

    Jessica, you are such a fan-geek! Vintage! Hee. It’s good to know you can be silly sometimes.

  36. Kevon
    0

    I am a Natalie fan, but I think she slept on her hair funny, and I am sick sick sick of the strapless ball gown. So, disappointed. Also, had it been me handing over the statue, I would have given the winner (any one of ‘em) a big wet frenchy. An opportunity missed. So, disappointed.

  37. Marie
    0

    I love this dress, and the little red dots remind me of a strawberry. Katy Perry should have worn it with a little green leafy hat.

  38. Mahastee
    0

    I don’t know… I might have like it more in a different colour, like raspberry, or lemon.

    Whoever did her hair should be fired, it looks so very greasy.

  39. Hazel
    0

    From the side, it looked like it didn’t fit her boobs very well. I don’t like it very much. I do, however, find it impossible to fault her for the necklace because I’m pretty sure that, had I been offered a lot of diamonds to borrow, I would have worn all of them. I’d have looked like Emma Frost at the Oscars.

  40. Kirsten
    0

    I absolutely loved this dress – so cute, so pretty, so classy, and so demure. I guess they really knew how to do “lady-like” in the 1950s. I do think the necklace was a bit heavy, but it is in itself a stunner, and I don’t blame NP for grabbing it.

  41. Shiitake
    0

    I like the dress. The boob shelf needed some alterations. Add a pearl choker…

    Woulda, coulda, Prada.

  42. MelissaW
    0

    I thought this was pretty and still young even though she’s a mommy and married (?) now (my poor, poor Benjamin – who I’ve loved since he was first starting at NYCB ages ago – looks lost). But it seems they made it larger in the boobs in case she might still be nursing then forgot to take it in.

  43. Jax
    0

    Comparing with-bangs Natalie Portman to Lea Michele is off. Lea Michele is attractive (mouth is annoying though), but Portman is gorgeous. I don’t like her much either, as an actress, but I’ll give her that.

  44. roser
    0

    SHE CANNOT ACT. Awful in Closer, awful in Star Wars, awful in everything.

  45. NYCGirl
    0

    I hate those little speeches! They’re actors, not peace-brokers or disease-curers!

    Ahem. I didn’t love the dress (I’m not a fan of red or polka dots), but I thought she looked lovely, and I liked the necklace– and I don’t usually notice jewelry.

  46. Cat
    0

    This is probably my favorite dress of the night– I love it. My only complaints: necklace (really pretty, but way too shiny with this dress), the hair (yuck) and not fitted probably in the bust (I realize it’s vintage and they can only do so much, but at some angles it was pretty bad). But I found the polka dot unusual for the red carpet, but it’s not too cutesy– this is a seriously fabulous dress.

  47. Patrick
    0

    The dress just sold for 50K.