Well, I should hope she changed before this party — a girl can’t mangle some crudite if she’s worried the evidence will sully her white Valentino.
We liked the Valentino, however controversial that opinion might have been (don’t y’all ever like it when we surprise you?); me, I worried she’d have gone full Hailee Steinfeld and picked a princessy pink sparkly thing that was as safe as a bank and about as boisterous. So I like that she took a chance with something sophisticated that stood out and said something, even if that something was, “Team Leia.”
As for THIS, well, this is vivid in a different way. This is Team Birdcage. (You can be on both teams. They almost never play each other.) You can see the slip poking out the bottom, so obviously it’s fully lined, even though it WANTS you to squint at it and see if you can find a nipple amid the fireworks. Which you wouldn’t have anyway:
Those are some pretty strategically placed weeds. It’s as if they embroidered them right onto the bodystocking as she wore it. Anyway, switching from white to a chartreuse explosion is a drastic change, and again, credit to her for having the guts. It gives me a headache, but in almost a pleasant way, like back when I was in college and didn’t mind getting hangovers because I had such a good time earning them. However, it’s possible I just want to like it because I can’t believe Shailene Woodley, of all people, was one of only a handful of attendees — good and bad (Emma and Gwyneth and Chastain and J.Lo) — who stared down Oscar night and chose Go Big over Go Home. SHAILENE. SECRET LIFE. FEARLESS. I KNOW. I kind of want to shake her hand, before asking if she’s ever met Dick Button, and if so, what does he think of her spins?
But should she have changed? Did you hate the white so much that you’re thrilled to see her encased in any alternative at all? Are you upset that she changed into something you dislike even MORE? Did you love the white, and feel like this is what you see whenever you misjudge your doorframe and conk your head because you took the corner too tightly (SHUT UP, THIS HAPPENS)? Do you think they’re both resplendent? Do you want whisk this dress away on a romantic trip where you eat fruit off a stick and do shots the color of a rainbow while dancing to some Gloria Estefan? Help me understand if this is as terrible as part of me thinks it is, or as secretly fun as the other part insists. I hate it when I fight with myself, especially when I know you’re about to yell at me in the comments.