Oscars Contractual Obligation Fullfilled: Stacy Keibler


From the Desk of George Clooney’s Manager:

“Congratulations, Stacy!

Your final duties as George Clooney’s Official Girlfriend (Awards Campaigning Model) are almost completed! We congratulate you on wearing a Marchesa gown straight off the runway – and one that doesn’t look like a shower curtain, but DOES look like the award your Boyfriend* just lost! Like all of George’s Official Awards Season-Time Girlfriends, you look slight and very lovely in it, as well as too young for him, and not particularly challenging! We thank you for weathering the terms of your contract with such good spirits, and we’ll miss you here at Lake Como next summer, when George is “dating” this cocktail waitress from South. (She’s getting her degree in Child Psychology from that online university Shannen Doherty is shilling on late-night TV and everyone’s going to love her.) Finally, we thank you for not getting too mad at us that time we told you we thought you might have “too much of your own career” for this to work out; you were right when you told us you’d happy stop working while the two of you were “making the rounds.” As you know, the Final Countdown to the End of This “Relationship” begins the instant whatever award George wants is awarded, and therefore we’re in the home stretch now! This relationship will end amicably in three to ten weeks, and, as discussed, we’d like you to be out of the house in Italy as well as the houses in Bel Air and Malibu, and the apartment in New York, no less than ten days after that. Sarah Larsen can recommend a moving company!

Best wishes and thank you again for being a great Official Girlfriend!

*An official — but friendly — reminder: you’re not going to be here much longer, so w e hope you haven’t gotten too comfortable calling him that!

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Comments (98):

  1. Mahastee
    0

    That’s how I think of most of what she wears out with him – Official Girlfriend Outfits. They are event-appropriate but she could sometimes be mistaken for one of the usherettes on stage. I don’t know what the proper term for those ladies is, but you all know who I mean.

    I would love if she was “allowed” to put a bit more of her personality into it.

  2. neiges
    0

    Cruel but very very funny. You should have a chat with intern George, he is loosing his hotness over these pseudorelationships.

    • laura
      0

      I agree every time I seem him with one of these “girlfriends” I like him less. I also COMPLETELY believe that they have signed somewhere a very similar non disclosure quite like this one!

      • Orange clouds
        0

        Yeah, his approach to women is just making him look creepier and creepier.

      • chastity fudge
        0

        I still don’t understand how he thinks these shenanigans work in his favor. Honestly…WHO is voting for him because he has a new girlbot on his arm? No self-respecting woman thinks this is an attractive quality.

  3. Feena
    0

    Who else wore that dress recently? Someone on some red carpet, it’s driving me crazy…..can Fug Nation help a girl out????

    • Emily
      0

      Click the link for “a Marchesa gown straight off the runway.” They just barely featured this dress during Fashion Week, so that’s probably where you’re recognizing it from.

    • Billie
      0

      Yes, there was some sort of rosette-ish type hip detail on a dress in the past few months. I thought the same thing too when I saw this!

    • justiner
      0

      This dress brings me to mind the Marchesa gown Demi Moore once wore to MET

  4. Talley
    0

    It doesn’t look bad here, but that hip bunch was awful from many angles!

  5. Prolixity
    0

    It’s funny because it’s true.

  6. Molly
    0

    I agree with neiges. This is moving into the land of pathetic.

  7. Lizzie T
    0

    Man, I hate that dress. And the styling is BAD… the hair is throwing her proportions off completely, and they really missed the mark with the make-up. I guess as her contract expires, so does her access to a decent stylist.

  8. FashonFopah
    0

    Not so nice. I often see posts from Heather reprimanding posters for being mean on her site. What the hyprcritical heck?

    • Softwear
      0

      There’s nothing mean about this. One of two scenarios is going on here: 1) S.Keib is aware of this and, presumably, agreed to this and therefore talking about it is not that mean. Or 2) S.Keib is *not* aware of this, *needs* to be, and therefore talking about it is not that mean. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind? A good girlfriend will always tell you when your boyfriend sucks, even when you don’t want to hear it.

    • Gigi
      0

      It’s satire. Fan fic turned on its head, filtered through comedy and speaking of truth. Heather’s not being mean, just pointing out the reality of Intern George’s odd dating habits. There’s a pattern here, you know!

      Stacy, use your remaining weeks at George’s side to solidy relationships with his Rolodex. You will need them. Sarah Larsen didn’t heed this advice and is back to waiting tables. Break the curse, Kiebs! You seem nice enough to deserve better.

    • Wendy
      0

      Agreed. A bit Mean-Girls-esque.

    • Jessica
      0

      Also, Heather didn’t write that. I did.

      • Gigi
        0

        I’m so sorry, Jessica!! I just came back and noticed that and hoped you hadn’t. You wrote the hell out of it, too.

    • Edith
      0

      I don’t think posters are chastised for being “mean” – we just aren’t supposed to fixate on body types (no “ewww! so fat!” or “gross, soooo skinny!” (which people violate more often)) or get overly personal. Speculating satirically that this is a business arrangement for Mr. Clooney is a far cry from name-calling (“stupid gold-digging whore”) or rumor-mongering (“she’s cheating on him with Angelina Jolie. At first, Brad & George were into it, but now they’re both heartbroken. Brad left the Oscars and headed straight to Jen to beg her forgiveness, George has turned to drinking to numb the pain).

      Besides, these aren’t apples and oranges. It’s Jessica and Heather’s site; we just get to play here if we follow their rules.

  9. valueofaloonie
    0

    This is probably really stupid, but I feel kind of bad for her. I mean, I’m sure she went into the whole George thing knowing how would/will end, but that can’t make it any easier. Plus, I think she’s pretty and she seems nice, if bland.

    And even my mother (who cares naught for Hollywood), noted that it’s almost time for The Dumping! I had no idea that she was even aware that it was a thing.

  10. Feena
    0

    @Emily – thanks yes that is where I saw it. It stuck in my mind cause it’s so dreadful. That hip swirl is just yak.

  11. FashonFopah
    0

    I think the dress is beautiful. It is a golden dream. The hip bunch may hold her lipstick.

  12. theotherjennifer
    0

    and the hip swirl is even worse as it’s on George’s side – looks weird! SKieb seems like a great girl – one you want to hang out with – it’s like she’s been vanilla-ed down to be George’s date. There’s no passion, there’s no love, it’s like she’s just the next in line for the gf stand-ins.

  13. Ellie
    0

    She’s looks like such a Trophy (or Award Show Barbie), and it’s a bit too on the nose and pompous on their part. It’s like they just assumed he’d have another gold statue in his arm by the end of the night.

  14. mandiann
    0

    She’s really pretty, and being tall definitely helps her make that dress work as well as it was going to, but on TV I really thought that her skin tone matched her dress and that just did not seem like a good thing.

  15. A.J.
    0

    Everytime I see them together, all I can think is, Oh, look, George Clooney brought his daughter to the awards’ show with him! That’s nice. Blech. And I actually like Stacy! It’s a throwback to my wrestling fan days, I guess.

    • Kit
      0

      Oh for gawd’s sake – she’s not THAT much younger than he is – it’s not like’s 20! She’s 32 – and he’s what… 51 or something? This is not an uncommon age difference in hollywood – or even the world of us common folk. I am 17 years younger than my spouse. Big deal!

  16. Sajorina
    0

    She pulled this off! And, after seeing it on the runway, I thought no one except for maybe Charlize Theron would be able to wear it and do it justice! But, it is not as grandiose on Stacy as it was on the runway; it didn’t have the impact I thought it would on the Red Carpet! She looks BEAUTIFUL in it & that fabric is DIVINE! Yet, she managed not to upstage George, so mission accomplished!

    Now, are they accepting applications for the Official Girlfriend #[Insert Number Here] position? I’m available & willing, so let me know! Thanks!

  17. BrownEyedBetty
    0

    too right. Yes, a little cruel, but true, and we all know it. Makes me sad for both of them. but I like the dress!

  18. Anabelle10021
    0

    Your best. Missive. Ever.

  19. Ranee Singleton
    0

    I think she might last just a little bit longer for some reason. Don’t know why, but I just do.

    • Jill
      0

      Me too. I’m thinking she may be the one that he wants to be with. Not marry, just be with.

      • Fuh Ugh
        0

        I knew she looked familiar! You’ve hit the nail on the head with that one!

  20. Daffodil
    0

    Her skin, hair and dress are all so very similar in color. I thought she looked like the world’s fanciest Werther’s Original.

  21. Kary
    0

    I love this dress. I think she looked amazing – the hip swirl, the hair, the makeup. Everything. Flawless.

    And now onto the post:
    I have a warm feeling for Stacy Keibler that I cannot account for (my best guess is that she played the girl on HIMYM who didn’t like suits and thereby inspired NPH’s “Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit” song/dance number), which is why I have mixed emotions —- I love this post as “fiction” because it’s hilarious…but also think it’s probably eerily close to what’s actually happening with GC/SK, and that makes me sad. But who knows? Maybe she’s not into “real” relationships, either? I just hope he gets her a nice house as a parting gift.

  22. deee
    0

    Clooney seems to playing the Richard Gere character in Pretty Woman over and over again. But when it comes time for the commitment part he goes all Groundhog Day.

  23. Softwear
    0

    I hope she gets some, uh, genetic material as a parting gift. Oh, and the outfit? Hair ruined it completely, oy. Ah well, Stacey, this time next year you’ll be with a great guy and all the better for being…free of your contractual obligations, let’s say.

  24. nik
    0

    Hmm judgement and jealousy. And judgement. And a helping of judgement. Fun factor minimal. I have to say the article does nothing for me, though it does reflect rather poorly on the author.

    • Billie
      0

      How is this judgment? Is is so on the nose of how he portrays his personal life in public.

      I thought this was hilarious. I do hope she lasts, she seems to have a kick of personality that others have not.

      • Sajorina
        0

        @nik, you have no sense of humor! @Billie, I agree with you! I like them together as well!

    • Amoki
      +1

      Just as your dismissive view of satire reflects rather poorly on you – funny how that works, innit?

    • Jacq
      0

      It’s good that you took the time to scold the authors of the site with this judgemental comment – awesome, and a high ‘fun factor’ for everybody who read it.

      • jenny
        0

        And also to call it an “article”. Extra high “fun factor” for that.

  25. lisas
    0

    “Like all of George‚Äôs Official Awards Season-Time Girlfriends, you look slight and very lovely in it, as well as too young for him, and not particularly challenging!”

    TOO RIGHT. This habit has taken the shine right offa Clooney and DiCaprio is not far behind. They are a couple of gross dudes. But at least Stacy got to wear a bunch of expensive dresses (compare hot off the runway Marchesa to the backless velvet mini she started off in).

    • Julia in Oz
      0

      Ugh – DiCaprio. You are so right! A serial modeliser. Unlike George, DiCaprio does not even have the looks or charm to start with.

  26. Linda
    0

    I’d say by the end of May she’ll be gone. George is a very charming man, and an actor, so it’s a breeze for him to play attentive date to these girls. But you never feel any chemistry between George and his date dujour. I mean, there was more sizzle between him and JLo in “Out of Sight”, or when he was on ER with Julianna Margulies, than I’ve ever seen with any of the women he dates.

    I’d just like to know how he chooses these girls. Is there some talent agency for C list actresses, and you can apply for “part time celebrity girlfriend”?

  27. taylor
    0

    Fantastic post, Heather! At least she gets to go out looking fairly good (although that hip rose is just weird to me).

  28. CB
    0

    (Note: I laughed at loud at this entry and I appreciated its humor and clever writing.) I say good for George! For all we know he ACTUALLY likes his girlfriends and ENJOYS spending time with them. So what if they’re younger? If he knows he’s not built for marriage or a family, he’s much better off doing what he’s doing than ending up in a mess like Tiger Woods and losing the respect of his fans.

    • Kara
      0

      I think he does like them, but I also think they sometimes fall into the “I can change him!” trap. I believe Elisabetta Cannalis (sp?) was on the record talking about how she thought they’d get married … and then he broke up with her, because he is not going to get married to anyone, and he has made this very clear. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior, and Clooney is a serial monogamist. If you become one of these girlfriends, you have to go into it hoping you get to make the awards season rounds and go to the Italian villa, maybe go to some fancy restaurants and, you know, have sex with George Clooney, and then look back fondly on it when it ends, because it will. I do think it’s weird that they all just fade away , never to be heard from again – no tell-alls or interviews in Us Weekly or anything, which makes me wonder if there really is a Girlfriend Contract.

      ANYWAY. The dress bored me, maybe because she’s kind of the same color as it, so there was no there there. It was all very monochromatic – gold dress, skin, hair. Her height is a boon, though – it would have swallowed up someone shorter.

    • Glynnis
      0

      Too true! If I was George Clooney, I wouldn’t get married and settle down either. I mean, why? There will always be another lovely young lady ready and willing to jump into the role of Girlfriend No. 56 or whatever. I appreciate that he knows he’s not made for marriage and he doesn’t try to force himself into it just to appear more palatable to his fans.

  29. Tara
    0

    Hey George! Sandra Bullock is single and seems like a fun gal – why not date her for a bit instead of someone young enough to be your daughter??

  30. Amanda in Austin
    0

    Bravo, Fug Girls. BRAVO!

  31. Stefanie
    0

    Dang, I’m going to miss her. She has been my favorite of the contract girlfriends. Hopefully we see more of her after hes gone.

    • Maria
      0

      I agree. She is the only girlfriend who gives you the idea of enjoying an autonomous existence rather than being a beautiful automaton produced specifically to latch onto intern George at special events. She comes across as having so much personality!

  32. Wordphreak
    0

    Boy, George is looking bad these days. What happened to his neck? Hanging out with these girls just makes him look older and dopier.

    • Sajorina
      0

      I totally read this as “Boy George is looking bad these days…” and thought “What does Boy George have to do with anything?” Ha!

  33. oaksusu
    0

    Thank you for calling out George Clooney’s sickening dating schtick.

    Bravo indeed.

  34. Annie E
    0

    Brilliant.

  35. TonyG
    0

    That was cold. Icy even. I smiled, but felt uncomfortable reading it.

    About the dress: Love it and I usually hate big flowers and bows on the hips.

    • coexxi
      0

      I felt the same (about the post and the dress)….

      Maybe because I have a soft spot for Keibler since she had a guest role in PSYCH, a very funny show which I like a lot. I even looked her up in the IMDB after the show because I was curious where else she played (the wrestler thingy does nothing for me fame-wise)

  36. Kit
    0

    Wow – that was kind of mean.

    I do feel bad for Stacey, because her time probably is up; and I quite like her actually – I hope we’ll see more of her in future.

    Also – I know she looks to on point as the trophy girlfriend, but nevertheless, I think she looks great in it. I know, I know, not a popular opinion, but I I’m stickin’ with it!

  37. Tracey
    0

    I agree with CB… I still say “all power to George” because as far as I know, these women aren’t truly devastated, he has stated over and over he will not marry again and now there is definitely a history/trend of girlfriends doing this exact thing so a woman should not go into it thinking otherwise. As for the clothes, I’ve enjoyed all the “lovely girlfriend” outfits. Nothing disastrous, all appropriate and nothing desperate. See you later…or not, Stacy!

  38. Shiitake
    0

    “I would love if she was “allowed” to put a bit more of her personality into it.”

    You are looking at all the personality this style of Stacy Mannequin possesses.

  39. Jill
    0

    Giuliana actually referred to her as a “trophy girlfriend” during the red carpet coverage.

  40. Nicole McIlroy Steeves
    0

    I think she looks like Nina Dobrev. Perhaps the Vernon Jordan of the Clooney Empire can help her transition to a career as a cousin or something on TVD.

  41. Karen
    0

    Oh, snap! My 12-year-old just revealed to me this morning that Stacey was a WWE Diva for four years, which just cracks me up. I actually have a whole new perspective on her now …!

  42. Lynniekae
    0

    I tweeted this on Sunday after the show. It’s so obvious. I didn’t give it ten weeks however. There’s no way these women don’t see his pattern, so IMO, they enter into this with wide open eyes. Maybe they don’t care, but who actually wants to be referenced as a trophy? He’s just not attractive to me (not even on ER) and this doesn’t help. He just comes off like a cad and I don’t see how that endears him to (most) women.

    She looked lovely though.

    • Jacq
      0

      I agree with you that the women go into their relationships with their eyes open, so I don’t worry about their welfare: they’re grown-ups, and they get decent exposure out of it. I also agree that it’s weird that any woman would welcome being called a trophy, but there are a lot of women out there who would take it as the highest compliment. I don’t agree that George’s rep will suffer, though: he’s unlikely to struggle for a date at any point.

      Actually, I don’t like the assumption (by others, not by you) that ‘bad’ George is somehow mistreating or duping these ‘poor’ women – it implies that these women aren’t adults, perfectly able to choose their own relationships. Who’s to say that half of them don’t just want a bit of high profile fun with a hot actor? Not every woman is yearning for marriage and kids, guys!

      Topic? I thought that the dress was too shiny. And her hair should have been up.

  43. llism
    0

    Have you-all not read “The Curse of Clooney” article? What the GFY ladies are saying is not mean–it’s pretty well-known.

    http://www.nypost.com/pagesixmag/issues/20111201/Curse+George+Clooney

  44. Brandy
    0

    Best GFY post EVER.

  45. Jo
    0

    If you think this is cruel-sheesh!

  46. Jo
    0

    Georg looks old and hunched.

  47. Claire L
    0

    Love. The. Dress! And when I first saw the rose swirl I had my doubts…but after seeing her move in it and especially from the angle of this picture, I love love love it. As for them…. I have liked her more than the others…and she seems to be having a good time ( not just the usual “oh you’re so wonderful” arm candy). Whether she’s made her last circuit or not, I hope she got something out of it.

  48. corriner
    0

    I’ve never been a particular fan of Intern George- I guess I didn’t drink the Kool-Aid. I am not the biggest fan of the serial-girlfriending either, HOWEVER I really like that he doesn’t have 8 divorces under his belt! I appreciate that he knows himself and is realistic about his views on marriage. None of the women have ever bad-mouthed him in the press which says a lot about what kind of person he is as well.
    Also, I really like the Kiebs! I feel like she has more presonality and spunk than the rest, and they always seem to be having a grande old time. I may be holding out for a Cinderella Story of sorts…

  49. Alexandria_Kelly
    0

    Hahaha – classic! Nailed it.

  50. Lainie Taylor
    0

    He’s gay!! He has the serial girlfriends as a cover – like Cliff Richard used to do.

    • Claire L
      0

      I’ve always thought so too…but someone said that they had the inside scoop and that he’s not….just that shallow… Who knows!.

  51. roser
    0

    Oh, please. That post is hilarious. The hip detail on the dress is hideous and she smiles like she’s being paid by the hour. There are some seriously humor-impaired readers out there, evidently.

  52. Lisa
    0

    I would like to know where to apply for the position of Awards Season Girlfriend please. I could do with some designer dresses and vacations in Lake Como

  53. Lilibet
    0

    Brilliant post, Jessica.

  54. Franziska
    0

    Ah, I’ll be sad when she’s gone. I like Stacy. She reminds me of a less annoying version of Heidi Klum. Younger and far better dressed. And as much as I don’t like this dress she still looks fabulous in it. I can’t help it, I think she looks gorgeous. Maybe it’s her brilliant smile.

  55. NYCGirl
    0

    Ooh. Does this mean you’re firing Intern George?

  56. semy
    0

    clooney will never forget “the woman” he fell in love with almost 10 years ago. my sources are really reliable and close to him. he can never be with that young lady because she’s the wife of a very famous person, plus , she is very famous herself. stacy keibler? just an another figure to show off.