Oscar Fug Carpet: Gwen Stefani, But With Bonus YAY

I know a lot of people think certain fuggery is sacred, but I generally don’t — I mean, MAYBE Joan Collins, at this point, but not Kate Moss, not Helena Bonham Carter, not even SWINTON. And definitely not Gwen Stefani. Especially not now:

This looks like a video game about surgery.

Oh, and in case you wanted me to put my money where my mouth is:

Bejeweled epaulets are my Collins Kryptonite. Yep, she gets a lifetime pass. I am buying her a glass of champagne RIGHT NOW. Unfortunately I don’t know her, so I will have to sacrifice myself and drink it for her, too. I’m so selfless.

[Photos: Getty]

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Comments (56):

  1. Phoebe

    Helena Bonham Carter and Gwen Stefani both get lifetime passes from me! But I do seriously love Gwen’s dress… I know, I KNOW!

  2. MzStilletto

    La Collins is so freaking fabulous I can barely stand it.

  3. Daffodil

    Also, it is a CRIME for Gwen Stefani to run around in shoes that horrifically boring.

  4. TaraMisu

    I love Gwen’s dress…. it’s the hair I can do without. Yeeeesh.

    La Collins gets a lifetime pass from me too :) She’s Joan mfing Collins!

    • Francesca

      Ditto with the hair – it’s looking fried and brittle. And maybe it’s just the lighting, but if she’s going to wear hosiery, it should be very, very sheer.

  5. Lilywise

    Gwen looks bored by her outfit. Boring dress + boring shoes + boring pantyhose + boring poofy hairdo — and this is a woman who I never before thought of the word “boring” to describe any part of her look.

  6. me

    Gwen Stefani’s dress is what I came up with during my first ever attempt at “art” using MS Paint. Enough said.

    As for Joan Collins getting a free pass…sure that’s your prerogative…but I am going to put it down to the fact that you deal with people on here, not robots! Can’t stand her frozen face and everything else about her, including her “style”.

    • me

      Oops just saw this…this comment is being moderated!? Sorry – is it because I called Collins frozen? I’ve seen such comments on here before and she *is* quite frozen – both facially and personality-wise! The latter especially, which is why I would never use that term with Joan Rivers – who is again famous for her “frozen” appearance but has one helluva chilled out personality. I didn’t think I was being very abusive or anything. Or was it something else?

      • Jessica

        Sometimes stuff just gets kicked to the moderation filter (swear words, certain words often used by spam bots, number of comments a certain amount of time). Don’t know why yours was — don’t worry about it. 99% of the stuff that gets kicked for approval gets approved. It’s an automated thing.

      • me

        Cool thanks…sorry for the over reaction!

  7. theotherjennifer

    Even Gwen looks like she’s not sure it’s her donning that rag with those hose and those shoes…where’s the real Gwen??

    Totally Joan mfing Collins!! (Now, where can I get me some bejeweled epaulets??)

  8. Christian

    I like Gwen’s dress, she looks like she’s going to Silent Hill’s Prom. The hair, hose, and shoes are yuck.

  9. Jo

    Joan rocks!

  10. LG

    I actually really like Gwen’s dress in theory! I probably would have given it a pass but SHE IS WEARING GERIATRIC SUPPORT HOSE. GOOD DAY TO YOU, SIR! I SAID GOOD DAY!

    • wendallyn


    • Jennifer

      I can’t even look at the dress because my eyes keep wandering down to her hose. Didn’t ladies stop wearing hosiery like that in the 80′s?

    • Fiona K

      Well said! You hit the nail on the head. Support hose… Blech!

  11. mara

    It’s not Gwen’s dress that;s the problem but the styling. She’s wearing pantyhose??? and pumps? And then there’s the hair horror. This could have been a fun exhibition on how disease spreads but with the styling it just looks like death of a housewife.

  12. Stefanie

    Gwen Motha -F’ing Stefani is wearing pantyhose? Whaaa? She isn’t a princess so WHY is she wearing them? And sensible shoes? Has hell frozen over?

    Joan Moth-F’ing Collins – Get it girl. Err..Lady.

  13. gryt

    At least she isn’t posing with that biotch posing face that Kim K is. After looking at KK’s face (post below) Gwen looks refreshingly real.

  14. Jen

    poor Gwen, she took a detour through the paintball party by mistake, and someone on the red team was really, really mad.

  15. Taryn

    I actually love Gwen’s dress. I’d wear it if I could afford it, but then again I also love survival horror videogames, and the graphics in those is what this reminds me of. Who designed it? Does anyone know? Her hair, however, is another story! I really think some little side buns with chopsticks in them would be adorable with this dress. Bring the Harajuku, Gwen!

  16. nmlhats

    LOVE this dress on Gwen. Hair, no, but dress is beautiful.

    • themis

      I am also totally on board with the dress. The hose and shoes, not so much.

  17. foo

    Never got Gwen Stefani’s fashion choices and generally think she looks like she is trying too hard to be “avant garde”. (Which is effortless for some, but doesn’t seem to be for her) I do love red lipstick, though.

    Joan Collins is the shizzle and just seeing her makes me want to throw a drink in someone’s face in her honor. (I may want to do that anyway) Or have a slap fight (yes!) or get married multiple times to hot younger men. (no!) (wait, maybe…)

    PS- I just watched Training Day again and I think Gwen was standing too close to Denzel Washington in his final scene and caught several strays. Since this is supposed to be comments about the dress and not stress induced missives. :)

  18. moi

    “This looks like a video game about surgery”…Heather? I gotta say that I am standing before my computer screen and giving you the golf clap owed to a champion blogger. Take a bow, girlfriend!

  19. gav

    Hmm, if it wasn’t for the tights (/pantyhose, sorry I’m British) I’d love Gwen’s dress. It’s so intricate and quite beautiful really.

    Joan Collins looks FABULOUS, however, I am loathe to give her a ‘well played’ in my brain without the deployment of a (faux) fur tuban of some sort.

  20. Jules

    Gwen looks awful. Like she got bodysnatched awful. It’s mostly the horrendous hose. I didn’t even wear hose like that when I was required to wear a skirt and hose to work every day. Very weird.

  21. Kary

    I could have lived with the surgery dress if it were styled better. The hose and shoes are terrible on Gwen. Hell to the NO.

  22. Ladyblahblah

    I thought the “L” in LAMB stood for Love, but apparently it’s “L’eggs”. I’m pretty sure that color is Suntan. Please don’t let flesh-colored pantyhose become a thing again. I suffered enough in the ’80s.

  23. Jacq

    Gwen’s dress is awful, but she gets a lifetime pass from me because she’s super cool, and also one of the few celebrities who is totally up-front about how hard she has to work out, all the time, to keep her body in such amazing shape. Honesty FTW!

  24. Cranky Old Batt

    Shouldn’t Gwen get her designer card suspended pending a hearing for this.

    Oh and I hate Lamb, anyway.

  25. val.

    Not even Gwen Stefani can bring nude pantyhose back into fashion.

  26. Sajorina

    I LOVE GWEN! I like her dress & her makeup, BUT can’t stand her hairdo & the pantyhose is killing me… Killing me, I tell you! This is sooooooooo frustrating! That is not the Gwen I know and love… That looks like her mother!

    Joan Collins will always be FABULOUS, period!

  27. Michele M.

    She looks so mumsy! It’s horrifying.

  28. mepe

    What is going on with Gwen!? I think she usually manages to pull off most of what she wears…even the crazy. But this is a big old mess… the dress is not good, the hair is terrible and the nylons and shoes are down right concerning! I hope she’s okay!

  29. Sensible Sea Monster

    Oh, my word. Gwen is wearing support hose. On Oscar night.

    As for Joan M’f’ing Collins’ epaulets, I just KNEW that sooner or later she would invent Diva Armor.

  30. Beth

    How DARE you sully the fashion name of … wait… is that hosiery I see? Ah, jeez… and she’s got the nurse-point shoes, and the chlorine-tinged hair and all sorts. Merciful savior. I love Gwen’s style more than a little bit. But this…? Ay.

  31. Syrax

    I never liked Gwen Stefani. I don’t trust her, she’s always ‘on’. Same thing with Victoria Beckham.

  32. Nancy

    It’s not the dress per se for me – it’s how frumpy she looks. Maybe start with hiking it up a bit?…

  33. vandalfan

    Lord, I thought it was Leona Hemsley risen from the grave. But Joan Collins is a goddess, just like Joan Rivers.

  34. liz

    panty hose on a panty ho?

  35. Erica

    OF COURSE she gets a lifetime pass!

  36. jean

    Jessica, did you see the pictures of Collins with Posh? Perfect dialogue picture! Seventy-eight people! We should all look that trim and healthy. And I love that she wears wigs. Why fuss with hair dye at her age? Keep it simple and fabulous.

  37. Mahastee

    Oh Gwen! I used to really love her style, but this is just horrible! The tortured hair (how does it not just break off?) the shoes, the HOSE. Faaaahgg.

    I would prefer her with blue hair, bindis and braces to this.

  38. Rubee

    Young-looking Grandma…

  39. Rebecca

    I have more of an issue with the stockings! They look like the $2 pair you buy from Woolies!

  40. Shiitake

    JOAN!!!!You gorgeous bitch!!!!

    Stefani, looks like something the cat dragged in…Another stellar L.A.M.B. design?
    Go back to selling hair color.

  41. urwhatuis

    gwen’s outfit is pretty sad but, what’s up with her face? maybe it’s just the photo but, she looks a bit plastic to me…

  42. yeahandalso

    I want more pics of this before making a final conclusion, but here are my working thoughts:

    1) I went to middle school during The Tragic Kingdom era, Gwen is still a goddess to me

    2) If you remember that this is a 41-year-old mother of 2 and not a 27-year-old pop star the outfit seems much more appropriate

    3) I suspect she is starting to go grey, the hair color at her roots looks strange, but how can you tell when somebody bleaches it constantly for 17 years?

  43. moi

    Not only do I like pantyhose, I need them…as do most of the bare-legged women I see, frankly.

    Yeah yeah, the cheese stands alone on this one – but not all of us are blessed with great skin north of the border. So give Gwennie a break.