New Fug’s Resolutions


While the celebs roll out of their post-holiday comas and slowly remember how much they love being photographed, we thought we’d fill the lull by coming up with various resolutions for some of our favorite — or least-favorite — boldface names. Basically, this is us being bossy. We invite you to do the same in the comments, adding celebs and resolutions that we missed, and basically indulging that inner fantasy of being a celeb’s Get A Grip Friend and telling them what to do.

[Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Fame/Flynet]

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Comments (51):

  1. Gine
    0

    I totally agree about Johnny. I used to love him, but the midlife crisis, it is strong in this one.

    I’ve heard a LOT of rumors about Ryan Reynolds being controlling about Blake working (meaning, he doesn’t want her to, and that part of the reason he and ScarJo broke up is because she refused to give up her career). I hope that’s not true. She’s not a great actress, but she seems nice, and surely there are worse people out there getting work. Plus, I’d miss all the Boobs Legsly-ing.

  2. Allie
    0

    Upon hearing about Kim K’s pregnancy, my husband (who literally knows nothing about celebrities) bet me that before Kimye Jr. is born, we’ll see a magazine cover of Kim pregnant and naked a la Demi Moore. I couldn’t take that bet, because I totally agree. The kid could be a Fug Madness winner before it’s even BORN.

  3. Melly
    0

    I’m surprised to hear Blake has no projects. But I also wouldn’t be surprised if babymaking is in the works. She has a very conventional streak and seems to want to devote real effort to marriage. I do admire that and would think even more of her if she went to college. She could always come back to tinseltown but maybe she’ll do a Phoebe Cates and take a pass on that life. I hope it all ends up being her choice, not the hubby’s. I hate seeing Chris Brown and Rihanna together.

    • Helen
      0

      Rihanna needs a Sassy Gay Friend.

      • glee
        0

        I hope that her love for baking wins over the acting thing. She isn’t that great, but very pretty – and I would love to see her take the Phoebe Cates route, who looks amazing everytime she is in public eye, and appears to enjoy the hell out of her domestic life.

        I think if Blake continues to act (or try to act), she’ll go down the way of many pretty blonde actresses and disappear anyway (or appearing in the Tara Reed biopic).

        • Katharine
          0

          I think Blake Lively could do well as a presenter of some lifestyle show, racking up celebrity endorsements, going for GOOP-style punditry … I’ve hated some of her performances so much that I begrudge her getting acting jobs over so many genuinely talented actresses (who don’t belong to the genus Venus, women who are so beautiful that people want to put them in pictures). In person, she’s probably very charming and ingratiating, and superficially she and Ryan Reynolds look great as a couple – so just focus on being a celebrity.

  4. marie
    0

    amen for Emma Stone’s resolution. and i’m extending that to my other favorite girl, Jennifer Lawrence! (p.s. Emma, you’re BFF’s with TSwift, give the girl some solid advice.)

    • Rebecca
      0

      Emma Stone is a stellar example of how to be gracious, kind and relatable while skyrocketing to fame, and I think the reason most people can’t stand Kristen Stewart is because she reacted to her (ill-gotten) fame in the reverse.

      • marie
        0

        i realize that at times i’m a Kristine Stewart apologizer but there are times when i just can’t with the girl. Emma and Jennifer in comparison always mange to smile, give refreshing interviews and always sound down-to-earth. Same goes for Jessica Chastain. if you haven’t seen that video of Jessica being interviewed by VF where she was talking about Meryl Streep, go find it now. it made me a fan.

      • Elle
        0

        I have a theory about Emma Stone’s likeability, and I think it comes down to the fact that so far all her roles have been very likeable characters that you want to root for, and somehow that aura gets transferred to Emma as well. I wonder what would happen to her public image if she were to take on a different kind of role.

  5. Mary
    0

    ha. slide 11 (Zosia Mamet) – the other right.

  6. Kit
    0

    TOTALLY co-sign Taylor’s resolution, and woah Johnny, Johnny. This mid-life crisis thing has had it’s walk in the park, let it slink away and make us forget it ever happened.

    • openroses
      0

      I think Johnny Depp’s style decision is: be Keith Richards. I actually love Keith Richards, but that feat is only humanly possible when performed by Keith Richards.

  7. Mrs. Julien
    0

    I don’t mind Kelly Osborne’s hair. I even like it. It’s fun and unusual and I think it suits her. Why not have fun with it while she’s young?

    • Chasmosaur
      0

      When it’s freshly dyed lavender, she rocks it. But so often, it looks dishwater gray, which is good on no one.

      If she’s going to commit to such a strong color, she needs to commit to the upkeep.

  8. Sarah
    0

    So sick of KK. Go away and have your baby in private.

    • Melly
      0

      Not a chance… When I do the Love It or Leave It photos on People, I always skip past the pix of Kim. Not worth voting on. We will be seeing more of her than EVER now and it will be hard to take.

      • marie
        0

        she’ll even be more obnoxious now that she’ll have her own baby to pimp!

  9. Lila
    0

    KRISTEN STEWART: Please continue to wear insanely interesting clothes, but lay off the downright insane ones.

  10. lkru
    0

    New Year’s resolution for Kristen Wiig: No more beige! Colour colour colour!

    New Year’s resolution for Chloe Sevingny: Never change.

  11. Stefanie
    0

    RETHINK YOUR LIFE is my new favorite. Good job angry commenter!

    I totally agree with all of these and Im going to offer up my “get a grip friend” services to Jessica C. She seems so nice.

    • Chasmosaur
      0

      Does anyone know where the original comment is? I’d love to read it in full.

  12. lindsay
    0

    I’m getting a hint of Princess Charlene here… she seems resigned to a life of… what? For what could she possibly be longing? Perhaps some alone time.

    • lindsay
      0

      Oops… commented on the wrong post! This applies to the Taylor Swift cover!

  13. Brenna
    0

    I have to say, for a second, I thought that picture of Kate Winslet was a picture of Sharon Stone.

  14. SG
    0

    About Rhianna note: third sentence should read Jessica and me not Jessica and I. It is all about the objective case. Thanks

  15. Vandalfan
    0

    If Jessica Chastain was my pal, I’d give her eleven or twelve eyebrow pencils for her birthday and hold her down and color on her ’til she looks like Groucho Marx.

    • Corriner
      0

      ^^^ YES.

      I am a redhead, and didn’t learn the ways of the eyebrow pencil until my mid-teens.

      Darken those eyebrows and don’t you leave the house without some mascara!

      • Sandala
        0

        I’m a redhead too, and didn’t know about eyebrow pencil until lately. Must confess if I use anything but the lightest, I feel like I’ve put my brows on with a sharpy!

        • ChristieLea
          0

          I, too, have been cursed with Invisibrows. It took all my teens to learn how to shade them in so they looked real; as a result, in half my school pictures they look slapped on with shoe polish.

    • Melly
      0

      Rehead here (dyed), and old (63), which means all the hairs you want (eyebrows) come out someplace else (corners of mouth, gross). Way back when I used an Estee Lauder crayon thing but I switched years ago to an angled brush and soft brown eye shadow, finished with clear Body Shop mascara (the only kind that is completely unclumpy). At night I slather on RapidLash, the whole brow but especially the ends, and have had some good results there. They’re a bit healthier looking.

    • Donna
      0

      Thank you Vandalfan, I just did a spit-laugh all over the computer screen. Great comment!

  16. holly
    0

    Dear Swinton, please resolve to leave the house more often. We need more opportunities to admire you.

  17. Julie
    0

    I have to agree with most of these, except Blake Lively. Certainly won’t miss her if she decides to retire. She’s so uninteresting.

    Can’t find much wrong with Kelly Osbourne either. Eh.

  18. Val
    0

    Christina Hendricks: Please, resolve to (1) ditch the spiral waves and go back to that sleek, relatively straight bob hairstyle — you are so, so, so pretty — let your face be the star, not your hair, (2) ditch frou-frou dresses for tailored, structured garments designed to skim over your fab curves.

  19. Katharine
    0

    I’d like red carpet stylists to observe a moratorium on see-through gowns, shoe “hooves” and beige/greige/nude.

  20. Rayna
    0

    I resolve to give Marion Cotillard an “awesomesauce” for her sparkly blue and black number, if she resolves to hoik it up a couple of inches so it looks like it fits better.

  21. Edith
    0

    My resolution for both Johnny Depp and TSwift: Stay away from one another. Johnny has just bought an insane mansion here in Nashville for some reason (maybe because he’s tight with Jack White? Or maybe I made that part up?), and since his breakup with Vanessa Paradis, he seems to prefer much much younger women. Taylor is apparently open to dating men much older than herself, too, and just … NO. It seems destined to happen, but such a terrible idea. Though that album would be epically hilarious, with it’s references to his friendship with Marilyn Manson and his scarves and his blue shades….

    Since I’m late to the party, I will note for Jessica Chastain that she just needs to trust herself and allow her everyday style, which is awesome, to inform her red carpet style, which always seems forced.

    • Maria
      0

      I dont know why, but I feel like Johnny Depp would be good for TSwizzle….in the same way that Jud Nelson rocked Molly Ringwalds world in Breakfast Club.

  22. ccm800
    0

    Fug Nation resolution – Fug Nation and OUR nation…please do not spend one red cent to see Kanye and Kim’s baby. Just don’t.

  23. Willa W
    0

    New Year’s resolution for Princess “Sad Eyes” Charlene: get a pair of Nikes and RUN! (also ditch the “50-year-old matriarch vacationing on the riviera” look and have a chat with Blake Lively about being a well-dressed blonde.

    New Years resolution for Rita Ora: Put on a bathrobe, take all your remaining clothes, put it in a big pile in your backgarden and burn it. Then go back inside and start online shopping with the help of honest, good friends who are not Rihanna.

  24. Celeste
    0

    I wish Leanne Rimes would resolve to stop being famous for fighting with twitter followers and frolicking in ill-fitting bikinis.

  25. roser
    0

    Kate Winslet just looks like she is trying so hard w/ those tight dresses, it makes me squirm. And her new husband’s last name is beyond icky. But Fug Girls, please do not rethink your life (or lives, really) because you are awesome just as you are! What would I do without you two? But yes, Rihanna, should indeed rethink – can’t Katy Perry get between her and the loathsome ex? what are girl pals for???

  26. helenwaite
    0

    I almost love the suit Chastain is wearing but not in that colourway on her.
    If it were in a plummy, berry then I think it would be smashing.
    And proper underpinnings; the cleavage looks saggy and vulgar. Very Lohan.
    Now the suit as it is in the silvery would be nice on someone more of the Fanning complexion (though not actual Fannings as it is a bit mature).

    Sidebar: Why don’t we see dark skinned women wear this softer, cooler Olde type glamour?

  27. helenwaite
    0

    I should keep a photo of Biel’s Bangs™ on my mirror as reminder not to succumb to the urge to become befringed ever again.

  28. KateShouldBeWorking
    0

    I’d like Kristen Stewert to do something that makes her happy. She always looks sour.

  29. Aria
    0

    I practically squeed to death over the picture of “Kelly” and “Dylan” – this needs to happen!