You just know Josh Hutcherson was relieved the only Hemsworth in attendance was the one who dwarfs everyone.
I hope I’m not the only one who feels this way, but Joe Mangianello would be just a wee bit hotter if he had chest hair. The waxing I just don’t love. Otherwise, he’s perfect.
Andrew Garfield is darned adorable, and the combined adorableness of him and Emma Stone is almost too much to bear.
I thought it was really weird that all of the werewolves on True Blood were waxed like him. I just sorta pictured rough, redneck werewolves as having some body hair.
Joe is always hot, but I sorta prefer him with his sorter One Tree Hill hair
I totally agree, although I get being waxed or whatever or Magic Mike. I prefer men with at least *some* chest hair.
Not gonna lie – I saw Charlie Sheen and thought “What the heck did Jeff Goldblum do to his face?!”
Andrew Garfield should have worn a belt.
Agreed. The short-sleeved-shirt-with-tie is hard to pull off but he is doing it. His empty belt loops make the outfit look unfinished.
a short sleeve shirt and a die is like the official uniform of low-level employment.
That was my first reaction, too. He looks like Bill, our office IT guy, albeit not carrying an iPad and a can of Coke.
That Dermot Mulroney + Bonnie Raitt = Joe Perry is right on.
Definitely! And so is the proud lesbian parents at a wedding. That one gave me the snort-laughs.
It must be an Erin thing, because I had the same reaction! I also vow to incorporate “shitbird” and “asswagon” into my vernacular.
Honestly! That one nearly killed me dead.
This was hilarious. Between Aerosmith, Charlie Sheen, and Wahlberg’s “Fightin’ Shirt” I can’t breathe over here.
Yes! I will use “asswagon” as often as possible! “Shitbird” I knew . . . .
Must be an Erin/Sarah thing (curiously, that is my sister’s name). Cracked me up! Much needed mid-afternoon giggle.
Thanks, Fug Girls. I now have to clean the snorted-out coffee off my computer screen. Good thing I am STILL giggling. That is some funny sh*t right there.
Yes, totally! DM+BR = JP
When did Joseph Gordon-Levitt get so hunky. Must have been working out recently for a role.
And I love the oglers behind Joe Manganiello; their tongues are almost wagging, but not quite. I’d have the same look on my face.
Yes, I read that he has been! He does indeed look hunky, and his outfit was just the right about of hipster suit without looking like he was trying too hard!
And yes, the Joe Manganiello/Magic Mike ensemble sketch completed my life.
I need a Delorean to go back in time to beg Soderberg to switch the Magic Mike cast up. Keep ManJello, nix the jerky blonde dude that was in the tween Beauty and the Beast and give Channing Tatum and mcCaughblarg a rest, but sub in JGL. Please. Yum freaking yum! Oh, and add Gary Oldman and crabby old Christian Bale while we’re at it. The pic of those three was thrice as nice!
I think Josh Hutcherson has watched Pretty in Pink too many times…he does realize that Duckie didn’t get the girl right?
Yes! I thought the same exact thing, Sarah. Then I misread Heather’s Swingers comment and thought he was there as Bridget Fonda in Singles.
Heather, THANK YOU, from the bottom of my utterly icked-out heart, for that rant about Charlie Sheen. I don’t know which option is worse: that he’s a smug narcissist that America is enabling, or a schizophrenic that America is further crippling. Either way, he needs to go away.
Oh, and thank you also for the Tyler-Perry (wait…) lesbian parents line. That is so true it goes about seven station stops past funny.
YES. I totally agree about Douche bag Sheen. Yuck.
THANK YOU. Can we send him and that little twerp Chris Brown to a permanent gig at the ends of the earth, please?
I agree completely about Charlie Sheen. He is so gross and a complete ogre.
The Steven Tyler/Joe Perry slide made me laugh out loud
YES! I came on here to express my admiration for your paragraph on Charlie Shiteen, but I see it’s been done. Could not have said it better myself. I was getting all irked just thinking about his existence on earth, and then…I clicked to the next picture. AH SWEET CHEST MUSCLES.
I too stand up and applaud the Charlie Sheen rant. I have also made a vow to move “asswagon” up to the no. 1 slot on my insult list.
ITA re Sheen, he’s pathetic and disgusting.
Taylor Lautner’s facial hair reminds me of the little gross mustache Glenn had on Mad Men this week. What a tool.
Chris Hemsworth looks better with short hair. His hotness is in full glory in the first five minutes of the Star Trek movie as Kirk’s father. Hot and a total awesome guy who sacrificed himself to save his crew, wife and newborn son.
The heckler picked the wrong time to screw with Mila Kunis. Really dude? You’re going to tell Mila to F off in front of Mark Wahlberg??!! It was pretty awesome, he looked like “you say one more word and I will pound you into next week and not even break a sweat”.
I wonder if deeply unbuttoned shirts is an Aussie thing. Chris Hemsworth, Keith Urban, Hugh Jackman (maybe? I can’t remember if he rocks that look very often), David Wenham (from what I recall)… well, that’s all I’ve got, actually.
Uh… lesbians everywhere are deeply offended at your Steven Tyler/Joe Perry comment. Seriously dude, stereotyping (especially of the negative kind) is never funny.
I think Mark is swinging a bit close to the douchery side, actually. (Although he looks good doing it.) I mean wasn’t it him who said if he’d been on the planes “9/11 wouldn’t have happened”? And there was something else recently that I can’t remember… can’t put my finger on it. Anyway.
Otherwise, the boys generally looked good (I of course, am united in the Charlie Sheen disgust).
I don’t think she was stereotyping lesbians… I think it’s the fact that Steven Tyler and Joe Perry look like two old ladies who are happily embracing, bringing to mind love, bringing to mind ladies who love ladies.
Agreed – they look like happy old ladies. I will be giggling quietly to myself all day about this. GRACIAS.
“Happy old ladies” is different than “proud lesbian mothers”. Happy old ladies, I’m totally down with.
I don’t get it. By your standards, wouldn’t that be stereotyping old ladies?
But “proud lesbian parents” is funny. “Happy old ladies” isn’t.
and yes, it was Mark who made the 9/11 comment
Lighten up, Francis–I mean Kit. I doubt you speak for every lesbian everywhere b/c I, personally, thought the comparison was hysterical.
Also, couldn’t agree more with the Sheen comments. Every time he finished a ‘joke’ and no one laughed or made a sound, I wished he’d get the hint and leave. I kind of wish that, in general, and canNOT figure out why he’s still in the public eye.
Yeah I thought the joke was hilarious and I think it is actually pro-lesbian because it implied a lng-term successful relationship and raising kids
Hutchison: those are Joel Goodson’s thighs and you are not rocking them
Helmsworth and Manganiello are both dream boats
Zylkwhatever: the next Dolf Lundgren
Big Dopey Dude: Big Dopey Kicks
Tatum’s take-away from Magic Mike training: one can never exhibit enough enthusiasm for either self-tanning or pelvic thrusting
Aerosmith: spot. on.
Fassbender: nasty beard
Ok, can I just take a second to say Vanilla Ice’s show on HGTV is actually REALLY good?
I’m pleased to see some chest The Helms That Isn’t Dating Miley cause there certainly wasnt enough of it in Snow White.
I actually came to the comments to say that too! He has created a second legitimate career, and is SO entertaining.
Oldman and Gordon-Levitt are actually well-dressed. Mangianello looks good either in spite of what he’s wearing or because of what he’s not wearing. Maybe both. The kid in the Pete Doherty costume needs to re-think his life choices. Wahlberg probably needs to get over himself. Sheen needs to go away. The rest of them look schlubby and we’d all fug the hell out of women who were dressed in a comparable level of half-assed fashion. Yeah, they are all free to choose, but when I run the world, men will once again understand what a good tailor can do to improve their lives.
Slouching around much?
Matthew McConaughy’s suit was the only one that has a passing acquaintanceship with a hanger.
J. Hutch, you are so cute! Please put on better pants. Yes, I sound like your overly proud auntie, but please.
Channing looks good, however I wish he had buttoned up. He looks like he’s going to the movies on a friday night or about to go hang out at a bar with pals haha. Little too casual?
Did Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, and Johnny Depp go shopping together? Their outfits look like Forever 21 if Forever 21′s men stuff looked like their uglier women’s stuff. Basically, they look like they go shopping wherever Linda Perry and the Pick Up Artist go shopping haha.
The Hems…. mmmmmmm! There definitely needed to be a few shirtless scenes in
Charlie Sheen needs to join the Kardouchians and Chris Brown on an island somewhere.
Channing Tatum can do no wrong. He is so damn hot!!! (long shirt or not). sighh….
I’d like to declare my love for Joseph Gordon-Levitt both for being adorable and for genuinely appearing to have fun at this thing while his miserable method co-stars look like they’re smugly above it all.
I don’t want to rant about this icky Channing Tatum thing, although I could. A lot. But Joe Maginalelelo (or whatever his name is)… have you no pride? You should never have to do that. It’s exploitative and gross. I can’t tell you how appalling I find that whole stripper movie thing. Please make it stop.
Preach, Sister, on the Charlie Sheen thing! I’m with you, except I’m more on the side of a schizophrenic that we are enabling, and I think his family thinks so, too. He needs to go away, get well, and find a career that will keep him out of the spotlight while he establishes equilibrium. I mean, would ANYONE be shocked to wake up one morning and hear that he had been found dead from anything? Alcohol poisoning, OD, car accident, untreated cirrhosis, trying to fly off of the cliffs of Malibu, drowning in his bathtub/pool/dog’s water fountain…? At this point it just seems sadly inevitable.
Re:I mean, would ANYONE be shocked to wake up one morning and hear that he had been found dead from anything?
Also – other than possibly his family, would anyone care?
I do not care that my crush on Josh Hutcherson is absurd (both in the sense that celebrity crushes are generally absurd and the sense that he is nearly a decade younger than me) and I do not care that his outfit is absurd. He is an adorable quasi hipster and I wouldn’t change a thing about him. Peeta FTW.
And I love Andrew Garfield’s tie.
I feel you. I’ve had an inappropriate crush on Jackson Rathbone (velvet suit notwithstanding) since his short stint on the OC.
I also think he is amazing/adorable/kind of delicious, particularly because I really enjoyed his acting in The Hunger Games. And yes, he is also nearly a decade younger than me.
I wonder how tall the photographer was, because a lot of the shots are taken at a slight angle that makes it look like some of the dudes have had their shins shortened, starting with Vanilla Ice.
I noticed that too. It made several guys look strangely stumpy.
I do not understand the appeal of Andrew Garfield. His hair is always HUGE and he’s so squinty and unhappy looking…
He was kinda cute/endearing in the Social Network. He’s very, very slight though. This adds to the huge hair effect. But he’s pretty cute.
Gary Oldman looks like a college professor I’d be happy to bring home. Or in other words, I’ve been in love/lust with the man for years. (My husband humors me, since he feels the same way about Tea Leoni )
Put him in a picture next to Christian Bale and Joseph Gordon Levitt? I need to sit on the front porch with a mint julep and a big fan until I recover from an attack of vapors….
I am disappointed in Andy Samberg. He can look really good when he wants to. Who wouldn’t want that?
I love Fassbender, and I love male facial hair, but I really do NOT love them together. I feel like he should always look like he did as Azazael in “Hex” or how he looks in the Obsession magazine photo shoot, because OMG.
*sigh* Hex. That’s where I first saw him and said *inarticulate sounds of drooling and gibberish*
Um – he HAS facial hair in the Obsession photo shoot. Not much, grant you, but he has it. Then again, you’re not always looking at his face in that shoot
There are so many things right about this post! lol
“I said on Twitter that Joe Perry is, to me, Dermot Mulroney + Bonnie Raitt, and I stand by that here. I also enjoy that these two, together here, look like a proud lesbian couple at their child’s wedding.”
Aaaaaand I just pissed myself laughing. TMI?
With some, it’s the hair, others, the clothing or shoes. We have here a cavalcade of douchbaggery. Plus Gary Oldman.
I think “Fassbanger” works better than “Fasshole.” Watch Shame and you’ll become a fassbanger too.
YES, on everything you wrote about Charlie Sheen.
I do not understand that Fassbender love so many people share and “Fassholes” made me LOL. I am 12, apparently.
Steven Tyler and Joe Perry DO look like a proud lesbian couple. That is offensive to neither lesbians nor ST and JP.
Are Ice Ice Baby’s legs REALLY that short?
Jackson R looks quite good.
Hilarious writing, as usual.
…is Russell Brand trying to look like Rasputin? If so, bravo.
Well, good day to you too JGL. Carry On.
I do hope that Russell Brand will get a Fug Madness entry. He usually looks ridiculous, but this ensemble with a fur belt and bracelets near his biceps was even worse than usual.
Loved every word of your Charlie Sheen slide and every pixel of the Joe M. slide.
I actually snorted when I read the slide about Tyler and Perry…well done! Am giving you a little mini standing ovation for that one
I really, REALLY want Gary Oldman, Christian Bale, Joseph Gordon-Levitt to be a boyband in that photo…
Well, congratulations Hutch, I *am* looking directly at your crotch, but only because of the awful way those pants sit.
I will go sooth my eyes with Manganiello. At least that’s intentional.
Hutcherson is squinting…hard.
Vanilla Ice, WHAT? HAHA, I love it.
Just wanted to add my agreement to your entire Charlie Sheen rant.
Also, Chris Hems, JGL and Channing Tatum = yum… although after I look at Tatum for awhile I realize he has no neck and I have to go look at something else for awhile.
PREACH SISTER! Your Charlie Sheen rant had me at “Ugh.” Had me again at “shirtbird.” And had me eternally at “asswagon.”
America, the joke is over. The sheen on Sheen has stopped sheening.
PS…thank you for ending the slideshow with an Alcide chaser!
Thank you for the Charlie Sheen maxim. And the following post had me smiling….
But ease up on Peeta. I’ve only read the books but would eventfully like to enjoy the movies although his clothing is always open to critique.
“Proud Lesbian Couple at child’s wedding”: I laughed till I cried!! Fug Girls know funny…:)
And, the Sheen effect: I totally agree. No one should be celebrated for being such an ass hat. He should just go away, far, far away…But, not to Canada. We don’t want him here, either.
ok, slide #12: SO true about joe perry. and the proud lesbian couple comment had me cracking up so hard i had to slap my hands over my mouth to keep the rest of the office from hearing. there were also tears streaming so, yeah, hilarious.
and slide #17: hear, hear!!!
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Ah, JGL – you are precious, and looking very handsome these days.
What worries me, is that the two men standing next to the adorable JGL make him look normal height/size, and dude is tiny. I passed him on the way to the restroom in a restaurant once, and I don’t think the top of his head blocked my eye-line. All of Hollywood is a larger than life illusion, apparently.
You either must be exceptionally tall (I’m now the shortest one in our family at 5’8″ – my sister, brother and father are all over 6′, so I sympathize) or the Hollywood spin machine is in overdrive.
Depending on the source, JGL and Gary Oldman are both either 5’9″ or 5’10″ – so average male height or a touch shorter.
Christian Bale is generally accepted to be 6′.
If you look at this picture, though, Bale is wearing flat-heeled shoes, and the other two are wearing dress shoes with low heels. It would help boost the latter two up a bit.
Well, yes, I’m 5’11 (also shortest in my family, so I hear ya), but I am in no way buying that JGL (and Oldman, I suppose) is 5’10″ – I’ll give him an optimistic 5’8″. Still, a seriously well put together 5’8″
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ROFL re: “asswagon”