Million Dollar Fuggy

For someone who went from Four Episode Arc As Steve’s Girlfriend on 90210 to Two Time Oscar Winner, it seems like Swank’s career pendulum has taken a swing back toward the shit-hole direction. Her IMDb is sad,  you guys. She has NO movies coming out this year, and she hasn’t been in a decent movie since Million Dollar Baby, which was in 2004. That was before this website even EXISTED. I wish Vulture would revisit the Star Market they wrote about her, because I think things have gotten even more dismal for her career since 2010 — it’s hard to bounce back from getting canned by your PR team after you decided to attend the birthday party of a Chechnian warlord, after all. Also dismal:

Ugh. Lady, get a new agent and a new PR agency first, but PLEASE put “New Stylist” on that list somewhere.

[Photo: Getty]

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Comments (42):

  1. Bella

    Wow! Scrap that dress; looks like a dressy tablecloth. And Hilary is one of those girls who really looks better with short hair.

  2. ok

    I actually like the dress. I think the problem is the fishnets and the shoes. Some gold strappys instead?

  3. zah

    PS I Love You was quality.

  4. na

    I find the Swank Problem to be so fascinating. Star Market notes that it’s difficult for ‘action/drama’ actresses to get work because people are more willing to bank a romantic comedy actress, but I think it’s more than that with Swank. There’s honestly just no THERE there. I don’t think women should have to be flirty or swoony to be likeable, but Swank just seems so stiff and nonexistent. But maybe it’s also that there’s no real ‘sexy’ part of her personality? I mean, if Jolie weren’t as sexy as she is, she might be as off-putting as well to the general public….

    • shruti

      the thing is men like to see a hottie like angelina jolie kick ass and shoot bullets not Hillary swank who does not really compare to that! She is not hollywood pretty and though Jodie foster did movies like silence of the lambs she clearly is cute as a button

  5. Willow

    She looks like a vampire, that picture is terrifying!

  6. Amber

    Am I the only one freaked out by the fact that Million Dollar Baby was in 2004?!?! Is time REALLY going by that quickly?!?! I was thinking it was 2-3 years ago…
    Also, this is bad. I think the key to her downfall was her divorce from Chad Lowe.

    • Mukel

      Totally. I know. 2004 was EIGHT fricking years ago. OMG. She hasn’t had a big movie out since then? That’s it then. She’s going the way of Meg Ryan. It kind of makes me sad how one minute you’re the “It” girl, and the next it’s like “Oh, Hilary Swank is still alive?” However, Marisa Tomei has kind of had a comeback, so it can happen. As long as you don’t mess with your face too much.

  7. Christian

    I will say that purple is a nice color on her.

  8. Laucie

    Cool : Shoulder detail, color, great legs.
    Uncool : Scraggly hair, excessive bodice fabric, taking $$ from genocidal dictators.

  9. theotherjennifer

    and add “eat a cheeseburger” to that list.

    • Heather

      We try to stay away from that stuff here. The body comments, not the cheeseburgers. We are deeply pro-cheeseburger.

  10. bambi_beth

    If it didn’t cost one month’s salary, I would totally wear this to my office.

    I do love Hilary Swank, and she doesn’t look great, and she’s not working much, and all those things are sad. Like Million Dollar Baby and PS I Love You and the fact that it looks like she let her hair air dry with the car windows down on the way over, or as we like to call it “white trash blow dry.”

  11. Kristan

    I actually like the dress, but I think the fishnets need to go, and her hair is doing nothing for her long, thin face. If she’s not going to put on a few pounds, then I would recommend a softer hair style, maybe with some wispy side bangs or something.

  12. Eli

    I do not like the Swank. I think she is not a great actress, and I totally dislike her for publicizing Chad Lowe’s addiction problem right after she got caught cheating on him to deflect attention. Low blow. She can go away and I don’t care.

  13. Lizzie T

    I’m going to start with something nice: the color is beautiful on her.

    Everything else is TERRIBLE. Head to toe. Scraggly hair, dated make-up. I might have been ok with the netted top detail, but it comes down too far on her chest, I think. The proportions are bothering me. And then you scroll down and you realize her breasts have melted down to her waist, and I just can’t with that belt. Ugh. The fishnets are awful, especially with those shoes.

    She is just a lady who needs to stick with structured clothes. Tailored. And then you can add girly-details. This… is bad.

  14. ok

    A little gossip: I was in a Ricky’s NYC (for those not from NYC, this is a crazy awesome beauty supply store) over 10 years ago, and Swank here was trying to return some drugstore hair color. The salesclerk declined, no receipt or something, and Swank actually pulled a DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?! with the poor clerk over a $6 box of hair dye.


    she left in a huff.

    considering she also parties with Chechen warlords, I can’t stand her.

    • Lindy

      Her getting huffy with a salesclerk is just…gross.

      • Heather

        What a crazy story!!

        I liked her in Boys Don’t Cry, but that could also be the director and the fact that the other actors (Chloe Sevigny, Peter Saaaaarrrrrrssssgaaaard) were excellent. I’ve only seen her in a few other things, including a recent cheesefest about a woman being spied upon by her landlord (played by the dead husband from Weeds), and found her wooden.

  15. Barb Dwyer

    Fishnets. Fishnets.


  16. val.

    I’d pay to see her playing Jennifer Garner’s evil twin; maybe that would help both their careers at this point.

    She is so similar looking to Garner but just not as fresh and likeable.

  17. Sajorina

    She looks like she borrowed the dress from Amanda Peet and was styled by Mia Wasikowska! She’s still lovely, though!

  18. vandalfan

    The eggplant color is OK. The plaid, scalloped lace (!) on top comes too far down, and with a three tiered skirt, this is reminiscent of a square dancing outfit without petticoats. And fishnets, really? Seriously? While square-dancing?

    And certainly she had enough time to look up Chechnya on Wikipedia. Such a putz well deserves both this outfit and the unpleasantly crass expression “shit-hole.”

  19. Jacq

    This look is fug, but Hilary Swank has been looking pretty awesome recently: check out the photos of her walking her dog in Paris (I saw them on the Daily Mail website yesterday). In one, she’s rocking a pair of narrow-cut jeans with a cool mustard coloured polka dot blouse (far nicer than it sounds), and in the other she’s in a roll neck top, a pencil skirt and ballet flats – all black, with great shades and her hair pulled back. She looks impossibly chic.

    And I’ve just realised that I’ve never seen any of her films – not even Boys Don’t Cry, or Million Dollar Baby.

  20. Melanie

    Shorten or remove the sleeves and nix the fishnets and I think I’d love this.

  21. R

    Why does she so often look so scraggly and dirty?! She would look better with shorter hair or even if it was pulled back from the face. She doesn’t suit this fussy sort of dress. She should stick with more tailored pieces – simple silhouettes and clean, sharp lines. If this had no pirate sleeves and no fishnets and instead she wore a simple little blazer over it it would look great!

  22. Camilla

    HILARIOUS opening sentence. Well done.

  23. Lina

    She gives me the creeps so much. I don’t even know what it is about her, but it’s totally a fingernails on a chalkboard kind of feeling.

  24. Shiitake

    Forget the stylist…just go away.

  25. CJ

    I don’t think the dress is so bad. Love the color. If it had a straight skirt and the sleeves weren’t so long, I would say it’s quite pretty. Don’t like the fishnets. They look cheap and are fighting the pretty and unusual patterning at the collar. Her hair isn’t horrible — for a casual outing, it’s fine, but for an event, it needs to be up or given more volume…something.

  26. esther

    she was in New Year’s Eve, along with most of hollywood’s forgotten and desperate up-and-comers.

    i would hate that movie based on what they did to michelle pfeiffer alone.

  27. Hima

    From the belt down, it’s decent. Maybe even good. I like the color, the skirt of the dress is cute, shoes are fine, purse is fine. And I don’t even hate the fishnets.

    From the belt up, it’s a horrible terrifying mess. Her boobs DO look as if they’ve melted into her waist. And her face and hair? It’s just awful. I never thought Hilary was all that pretty – but her hair really makes her face look bad here. Maybe she should get bangs again? Whatever the problem is, I think she needs the stylist first, THEN the PR team and agent.

  28. Mahastee

    I don’t HATE this, but the criss-cross mesh yolk thing is pretty weird.

    Purple is great on her but the shape is a bit blousy – she is such a hardbody she is one of the few who really looks good in body-con dresses. Which she should stick to.

  29. CranAppleSnapple

    That dress looks suspiciously like the blue tiered-skirt creation of Phoebe Price. Hey, that would be a real step-up in the stylist area for Hil. They should do lunch.

  30. Katharine

    This is not Hilary Swank’s dress, but the colour is flattering – maybe if she wore something more tailored in this hue? As far as her career goes, there’s always television : she could go for a police procedural, and might even pick up an Emmy for doing so.

  31. crystal

    I would like to see Hilary Swank in more action roles. But good ones! Like Sigourney Weaver in the Alien franchise. She’s so athletic, she looks like she could actually kick some ass. Unlike Angelina Jolie, who somehow makes it work even though she looks like her wrist would snap if she picked up a gun.

    I don’t find her very likable, though. :(

  32. Lily1214

    Is that designed by Ferragamo? If so, it cost quite a lot and doesn’t look it.