Met Ball Fug Carpet: Tina Fey


THE PLACE: The Luxurious Offices of Tina Fey’s Stylist

THE PLAYERS
: Tina Fey, Tina Fey’s Stylist

THE TOPIC:

TINA FEY: Uh. I dunno about this.

TINA FEY’S STYLIST: No, no, no, Tina. OPEN YOUR EYES. This look is SO NOW. So kicky! So fresh! So fun! So you! EVERYONE is wearing a jumpsuit lately! You’ll be in great company, with girls like Rihanna and most of the Pussycat Dolls! They’re kind of similar to you in terms of public persona, right??! Sure!! You all stand in front of a TV camera sometimes! CLOSE ENOUGH!

TINA: I don’t know. I got kind of cranky when people didn’t like my Globes dress. And that was just an awkward length. This is, you know, a dropped crotch jumpsuit! It feels….super risky, you know? Like, what is happening here with the crotch? These are practically Hammer pants, with this crotch. It feels freakishly roomy in here. I don’t know if I like it. I feel weird being the girl in the dropped crotch jumpsuit. I’m TINA FEY. I don’t know if it’s ME.

TFS: But you won’t have to wear Spanx, Liz!

TINA: Point taken.

TFS: Excellent. I’m outta here. SEE YA.

TINA: SHIT. Wait! I’m not Liz Lemon! COME BACK! THIS ISN’T THE B-STORY ON MY SITCOM. THIS IS MY LIFE!

TFS: [brakes squeal as car speeds off, leaving Tina alone with jumpsuit.]

TINA: Damn it.

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