Met Ball Ugh Carpet: Jessica Chastain


I was reading people’s takes on the Met Gala looks Monday night and someone wrote — and I can’t for the life of me remember where, but if it was you, let me know and I’ll give you credit! –  and I am paraphrasing, they keep having “obviously misguidedly” high hopes for Jessica Chastain. And that is right on the money. Here are facts about Jessica Chastain: she is a super talented actress, she’s very pretty, she seems sincerely delightful in interview and on the red carpet, and because of this, we are all trying to make her into someone with fantastic, iconic fashion sense. All of us! She SHOULD have great taste. She SHOULD look spectacular and we SHOULD be dying for her choices — because she is otherwise lovely and talented and likeable and great. BUT SHE JUST DOESN’T BRING THE GOODS (with the blessed exception of her McQueen dress at the Oscars). TO WIT:

Ugh. No. This is NOT GOOD ENOUGH. You look like you’re playing Guinevere in a local theatrical production of Camelot. YOU HAVE AN OSCAR NOMINATION. HIRE BETTER HELP.

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Comments (33):

  1. Annie
    0

    This appears to be a faux-satin quilt from Sears.

    • Edith
      0

      THIS. So true. It’s got that weird stiffness to it, and the trim looks cheap, and the perma-wrinkles and…. ugh. Cheap bedding is NOT a good look.

      The bodice is a tragedy. The color is lovely on her, but she NEEDS a new stylist, immediately.

  2. neiges
    0

    I have lost all hope. It’s a lost cause. Unlike you guys I didn’t even like the McQueen dress.

  3. Willow
    0

    It looks like it’s been stuffed in a bag for the last 300 years!

    IRON YOUR CLOTHES.

  4. Claire L1
    0

    It creates rolls where there aren’t even crumbs.

  5. Naomi
    0

    She is obviously tiny, but things never seem to fit her around the waist. Her stylist needs to stop putting her in things that make her look thick around the middle, as she is obviously anything but. That’s why she looked so fantastic in the McQueen – it fit her so, so well.

    Also, she is stunning, but I don’t like her makeup here. I find she has a tendency to go all “invisible eyes and eyebrows”, particularly when she has a strong lip. The best makeup on her tends to be a bolder brow and more smoky eye.

    So I agree, I really, really want her to look great. I don’t think it’s that she has less-than-stellar taste, or isn’t the fashionista we all want her to be — rather, I think that she (or her stylist) needs to make fit the priority.

  6. lettucecup
    0

    I would like to apologize on her own behalf to her boobs. That’s gotta hurt.

  7. Girlin
    0

    Dreadful. She looks like she has a bit part on ‘the tudors’ and her costume doesn’t fit. The makeup is terrible…the whole thing is a major FUG!

  8. Kelly
    0

    It’s like a “Scarlet O’Hara Saloon Girl” Halloween costume!!!!! OH!

  9. Chasmosaur
    0

    Yes, redheads look smashing in blue. That does not mean you should smash yourself into blue.

  10. Popcouver
    0

    This is so tragic. IF YOU FIND SOMETHING THAT WORKS, STICK WITH IT. Whyyyyyy the awkward stiff curls?!?! The middle part and windswept bouffant was SO FAB at the Oscars. Her makeup here is horrid. Sob sob. I can’t even discuss the dress.

  11. Joan Louise
    0

    What the heck. Is she standing in a pit? Or was she superimposed on this backdrop? Something seems out of proportion here. And she looks very thick for a clearly not-thick person. Truly a shame.

  12. dee cee
    0

    Why are the stupid fashion people trying to make dried blood lipstick happen?

  13. Jen
    0

    When I first saw this, I thought the skirt portion of the dress had some kind of pattern to it, which might have made at least the bottom portion of the dress redeemable. But no, it’s just more wrinkled than Yoda. And the bodice just looks painful.

    The color would have looked lovely on her, in a completely different dress.

  14. doodle_bug
    0

    I think her issue is that she is not a size 2, flat-chested stick. She’s not fat (in the slightest) but she’s just more of a size 4, nicely-boobed stick….who tries to shove herself into the size 2 samples. Oh, and that dress is tragic.

  15. cc
    0

    I think the problem is that she doesn’t really have much of a waist, she’s sort of boxy. So the reason it usually looks awkward is because the dresses try to create a silhouette that doesn’t suit her body. She isn’t fat like everyone says, but they need to work more with her actual shape. She always look the best when they go with things that elongate her torso, which is very nice, instead of cinching her waist with a belt or material or something. She needs Drop-waist type-things.

    Boom. Solved!

  16. Mahastee
    0

    *sigh* I just don’t know what to do with her anymore.

  17. The Fugger
    0

    Because, at this point, this is practically a tradition:

    HAIL SATIN

    Never mind the fit – the dress itself looks cheap as all get-out. Not cheap as how it’s normally used around here – cheap as in La Chastain probably bought it off of Courtney Peldon at a garage sale. Which…if that’s the story, I wouldn’t be surprised.

    (I would be overjoyed, though, because we need Courtney Peldon back. And Bai Ling. And Chlöe Sevigny circa her umlaut/Donna Martin Graduates FIT phase.)

  18. Moi
    0

    AND, there is a totally bizarre optical illusion thing going on with her boobs. Look only at her cleavage, and the girls look large and healthy. Look only at the bodice, and they look like they’ve been painfully stuffed into tiny little pear-shaped cups. Terrible, terrible fit.

  19. val.
    0

    It’s stumpifying and also adds about 10 pounds, at least. However, it’s refreshing to see celebs wearing unflattering “makes me look fat” clothes in a Stars: They’re Just Like You! way.

  20. Nancy
    0

    It’s like her breasts are in a vise here. She frequently has a squishy breast situation going on. That’s my main issue.

  21. Shiitake
    0

    Crimes of satin.

  22. KelseyA
    0

    I’m not a huge fan of the dress, but her lip color is far more egregious.

  23. ML
    0

    Thank God she at least left the curtain rod at home.

  24. putzmaroon
    0

    Heinous.

  25. SS
    0

    She is way too pretty for the clothes she wears. .her stylist should be fired. And this dress is shocking and not in a good way.

  26. Ms.A
    0

    Her skin is beautiful, and the color of the dress isn’t bad, but the rest of it is. And her boobies are def. too big for that tiny cup. That lipstick on her is just wrong.

  27. Candy
    0

    This picture makes MY waist hurt. That looks painful. I do love the color of the dress & her hair looks great, though.

  28. mepe
    0

    Nothing new to add but had to comment anyway because this dress is so amazingly bad. It’s an ugly dress to begin with plus SO incredibly unflattering on her. She is a pretty lady with a cute figure, gorgeous red hair and beautiful creamy skin. How is it SO difficult to find a dress that flatters her?! This makes me sad.

  29. Rubee
    0

    ‘Ouch!’ her waist screamed.
    ‘Ouch, US!’ her boobs choired.
    ‘ Are you too tightly opressed?’ solicitly asked the waist.
    ‘YES!’ the boobs replied at once ‘ That, and our mighty bearer hiring a cheap, medieval whore costume for the Met Ball’
    ‘Yeah… I get it’ said the waist ‘ FYI, I’m trying to get her to sigh in sympathy but this dress is just… too tight’
    ‘You get it?’ ‘Try being as close as we are to her witchy made up face, on top of all!!!’