I was reading people’s takes on the Met Gala looks Monday night and someone wrote — and I can’t for the life of me remember where, but if it was you, let me know and I’ll give you credit! —  and I am paraphrasing, they keep having “obviously misguidedly” high hopes for Jessica Chastain. And that is right on the money. Here are facts about Jessica Chastain: she is a super talented actress, she’s very pretty, she seems sincerely delightful in interview and on the red carpet, and because of this, we are all trying to make her into someone with fantastic, iconic fashion sense. All of us! She SHOULD have great taste. She SHOULD look spectacular and we SHOULD be dying for her choices — because she is otherwise lovely and talented and likeable and great. BUT SHE JUST DOESN’T BRING THE GOODS (with the blessed exception of her McQueen dress at the Oscars). TO WIT:

Ugh. No. This is NOT GOOD ENOUGH. You look like you’re playing Guinevere in a local theatrical production of Camelot. YOU HAVE AN OSCAR NOMINATION. HIRE BETTER HELP.