Met Ball Fug Carpet: Pantalunacy

I feel like one of those hackneyed crocheted signs hanging in people’s grandparents’ doorways: “Bless this mess.” For these are indeed a blessed mess, and THANK GOD for that, because messes are the bread and butter of GFY (well, actually, bread and butter are our bread and butter, but you get the gist). I debated giving you three guesses who was responsible for this crotch-maiming blooming mess, but you likely wouldn’t have needed two of them, because the Essence of Stella is practically oozing from its lace windows.

[Photos: Getty]

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Comments (69):

  1. Goldfish

    There must be at least an attempt to account for KStew’s crotch. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a crotch that I literally did not understand. Disapprove of? Yes. But puzzlement? Never.

    • Chasmosaur

      It’s Stella McCartney. The only thing you need to understand is that she is a successful designer because of her heritage. So there is no concept, there is no theme. There is only “I think I’ll do this because I’m bored today.” (At least that’s the only rationale I can come up with for like 90% of Stella McCartney’s lines.)

  2. Miriam

    Rhoda was WAAAAY worse than Giuliana! She seemed petrified and vacant.

    • betti

      The vogue live feed was painful. Rhoda introduced a bit on Grimes, saying she was wearing Channel before we cut to it, then when she was back on camera she asked Grimes who she was wearing.

  3. Julia

    I didn’t know it was possible, Stella, but you’ve done it.

    You’ve managed to design mini-Hammer pants that give camel toe.

    Slow clap.

  4. junaitatres

    This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I think Nina Dobrev looks great. This is not a style I would typically endorse, but she is pulling it off and I think it works.

    I’ll see myself out.

    • Mouse

      I’ll walk with you. I think she looks great – and suitably glampunk.

      • julyol1972

        I loved her outfit too! On a side note, I’m getting a really strong “younger sister of Catherine Zeta-Jones” vibe in her close ups. Anyone else getting that too or am I totally off-base?

        • Seamyst

          No, you’re not off base at all! I was thinking the exact same thing. And while I don’t normally love her outfit, I think it really works here.

    • Heather

      I would not be at all surprised if a lot of people agree with you, actually.

    • mazzy

      She was one of my favorites, right behind SJP.

      • Billie

        I also really like it. If those cheap looking hip curtains were cut off, I think it would’ve been a fantastic take on punk. Because the majority of others’ take on ‘punk’ was to just apply heavy eye make up. *sigh*

        • Suzie

          I wish it was a full, non sheer, black skirt, then perfection for me. I love the top half of Nina’s outfit.

    • crookedE

      I liked it too, actually. Kind of an 80s vibe. I wish she had accessorized a little with some fierce jewelry or a wilder shoe and then I would have been totally sold.

    • Kate

      Agree. I am kind of in love with her though. But I still think this getup is somewhat on theme and interesting? I’m not a punk expert by any means, but at least she tried, and I think it’s kind of weirdly cool. Again, I have a serious girl crush on her that may be influencing me a lot, haha…

  5. Suzy

    “Essence of Stella” is the name of my new punk rock band…

    Also, designers, 3 things that don’t work for ANY WOMAN
    “Volume” in the crotchal area
    Mullet dresses
    Pants under dresses

  6. mazzy

    I’m normally NOT a Nina Dobrev fan, but I really loved this. It was maybe more 80′s metal than punk, but I love the heightened hair and corset feel of the dress. I think she nailed it.

    KStew’s is such an unflattering, horrible mess, and by the look on her face, she knows it.

    • Lisa

      Exactly. I was thinking more Lita Ford hair metal than punk.

      Also agree on KStew. Ugh. She should have been able to pull of the punk with ease.

    • filmcricket

      There were a lot more 80s references last night than actual 70s punk ones. This was very Nancy Wilson.

      Of course, I am also not a Dobrev fan; I think she’s a visual snore, so take my opinion with tablespoons of salt.

  7. Brenna

    I actually would be ok with KStew’s outfit if the crotch situation was worked out.

    I actually really, really like Nina Dobrev’s outfit. Though, I almost might like it better if she lost the skirt over it. I don’t love jumpsuits, but from the way the jumpsuit looks, it pretty much looks like it would’ve fit the theme perfectly, and she has the confidence to pull it off.

  8. Karen

    I was looking at the photo feed last night and, when I saw Kristen Stewart in that abomination, I had an epiphany: “Stella McCartney hates women.”

    It’s really the only explanation I can come up with.

    • mary lou bethune

      I think Stella is like most fashion people- all characters in Emperor’s New Clothes. We are here to point out who is naked. If one is a good sport, if one smiles and enjoys one’s outrageous good fortune, if one acts like a decent , unselfish human being and does not become vulgar and totally self centered, then WE will give her the nod. The rest are naked. Stewart is always naked Cameron Dias isn’t for instance. It’s all in the attitude. And at the end of the day, it’s just pop culture.

  9. qwertygirl

    After looking at all of the previous Met Ball pictures, along with these, it almost seems like they picked this theme to see just how horribly everyone would interpret it. There can’t be any other explanation. At the planning meetings, someone said, “I know–let’s pick a theme that is TOTALLY NO WIN. Something where people are either going to miss the mark completely, or try it and fail miserably. It’ll be a HOOT!” That’s all I can think of. Because with the possible exception of Madge (who looks like she’s in costume for one of her concerts c. 1989) and SJP (to whom I will give the clever use of the “mohawk feather” thingie), everyone either didn’t try at all (I’m looking at you, GOOP) or tried and flopped (pretty much everyone but Madge and SJP). I think we should just shelve this one and wait for next year’s ball.

  10.  foo

    I laughed when I saw KStew’s… whatever that is… earlier this morning. I’m going to start calling her Sullen Cranberry. (She doesn’t bother me at all usually, but she actually wore that voluntarily. And that is wrong)

    The rest look better than they should in comparison to the starting point. I do love the blue fabric on Jessica Pare’s strangeness.

  11. DJ

    I really wish you had a close up of Biel’s face and her fake septum piercing! The outfit was horrible and then the tiny gold hoop between her nostrils did nothing to make it appear “punk”. It just appeared forced and sad.

    • Helen

      Noooooo, did she REALLY?

      Oh dear…

      A facial piercing, be it actual or not, is something that a glass of whole milk like Biel just cannot pull off.

  12. Charlotte

    I kind of like both Biel’s and Nina’s outfits. On a regular red carpet? Insane. At the Met Ball? At the Met Ball where the theme was “punk”? Totally acceptable.

    I really don’t understand the hate over Jessica Pare’s teeth. What a weird thing to pick on someone for. (And as far as impacting her role on Mad Men..considering orthodontia at the time, I think having less than perfect teeth adds a nice touch of verisimilitude.)

  13. Edith

    Anne Hathaway looked more punk than K. Stew. The world has gone insane.

    • filmcricket

      Right? KStew could just show up in her regular garb & look more punk than anyone there. Maybe doing the complete opposite of what’s expected of her was her “damn the man!” statement for the evening.

      • goldfish

        Then I think it was a mistake for her to show up looking like a Christmas tree ornament. She’s not good on either side, that way.

  14. MollyD

    How on earth is any of this punk? They’ve all showered and eaten something.

    • Annie E

      I think the problem is that this should never have been a Met Ball theme in the first place. It’s incredibly anti-punk to have a museum exhibit and ball devoted to punk.

      • MG

        It’s very weird. I’ve been waiting on someone to decide to go for steam punk.

        • LoriK

          That would have been awesome! Unlike the way things actually went, which was not.

  15. Andrew S.

    Nina’s is my favorite non theme outfit and it was indeed a jumpsuit with an overjacket as she was seen later on in the evening without it.

  16. D.O.T - is a lot

    This outfit is good the gold clutch is fine we feel like everything is on the right place but something is deeply wrong! Maybe her face which want to say to us “I hate all of you and I dream that you will rot in hell”!!!???

  17. Pamb

    I actually don’t mind Jessica Biel’s lacy pants. I DO mind her nose ring. I guess that was her attempt at punk.

  18. Kathleen

    I think that maybe Nina Dobrev was using that outfit as her audition for the “50 Shades” movie.

  19. Stefanie

    Kristen’s crotch broke my brain.

    • Ranee Singleton

      Mine too. One’s crotch area should never resemble a fortune cookie.

      • Ranee Singleton

        On second thought, maybe we should call this an “unfortunate cookie.”

  20. Deborah Stultz

    First of all: NAVELABIA. Brilliant.

    Second, I almost thought Pare was Jennifer Carpenter. I’ve never thought they looked alike before, but maybe?

  21. Lori

    At this point, I just find Stella McCartney tedious to the point of being exhausting.

  22. Helen

    These are all just awful.

  23. Bella

    I see KS still looks as dour and sullen as ever.

  24. Amberoni13

    I just refuse to understand that mismatched Converse and mini wearing KStew was UNABLE to pull off punk. It’s just inconceivable. I am now thinking that, as a form of rebellion, KStew is wearing lacy sullen cranberry hideousness just to screw with us. Yes. See, now the universe makes sense again. Whew,

  25. KillerQueen

    I would just like to point out that Nina Dobrev looks so atrocious in that hideous outfit that she actually looks like JWoww. Nina Dobrev should NEVER look like JWoww.

  26. Carol

    KStew should be banished … she is so last season … we are all over her and have put her behind us.

    • Sajorina

      Who are “we… all”? Don’t speak for me, please! I don’t want to be included in your group of haters! Thank you!

    • mazzy

      I support this. I need a KStew vacation. She has no films coming out, yet she’s still EVERYWHERE.

  27. Alice

    I…just…is pants under dresses a thing now? Can this not be a thing? I’ve still got PTSD from the last time pants under dresses was a thing. I can’t do it, guys. I can’t.

  28. Jules

    Goth is not Punk…

  29. Sajorina

    I feel for Kristen because her face says “I know, damn it!” Her makeup, hairdo, clutch & shoes are fabulous; but that jumpsuit is terrible! I kind of love the idea of Jessica Biel’s dress without the pants because I think it works with her styling! And Nina Dobrev’s top is so magnificent that if you take off the pants, close the slit on the tulle skirt & line it, it would be a FAB and one of my favorites of the night! Her hair, makeup & jewelry all work!

  30. Tiffany

    I actually would have really liked Stews outfit if the crotch hadn’t been so awful. The color is really lovely, IMO.

  31. kay

    i might be in the majority, but i’m guessing I’m not with at least celebitchy and jezebel, but i love what nina dobrev is wearing. obviously it is cray and i would never wear it, nor would i want her to wear it anywhere else, but i feel like it’s one of the more fashiony punk outfits there. And before everyone starts being like that’s not punk! Of course it’s not actually punk, but it’s way more punk than most of what everyone wore unless they were like madonna and went full costume

  32. Courtney

    I love you. People should use the word labia more often.

    Also, I’m glad Grease pisses somebody else off, too. It seems like everybody I know just thinks it’s great.

    • Helen

      Well, the music is wonderful.

      But the apparent message, that to get the girl you have to be a “bad boy,” and to get the guy you have to be a slut, is appalling.

  33. Hooples

    Nina Dobrev’s Skirt came off for the afterparty so she was in a catsuit. WORDS WORDS WORDS

    • Helen

      I wish I could un-see that.

      It would be fine for dancing around a pole in a glass booth…

      Dobrev is usually so classy, I’m genuinely disappointed in her.

  34. SJAllison

    Worst. Outfit. Ever.

  35. Amy

    At least there’s a reason for KStew’s habitually glum expression this evening.

    And I simply can’t understand how Stella still has a functioning business. Her company made a profit of £3.29 million last year. How? How did this happen? How?

  36. crookedE

    If Jessica Pare had worn leather leggings instead, it might have worked. As well as pants under a dress can ever work, anyway.

  37. esther p.

    KStew’s pants confused and hurt my brain so much, i had to go fix a double Absolut and Pellegrino to make the visual go away ….