“HEY YO, MET BALLERS, WHAT IS UP, I AM IN YOUR TOWN SO DON’T FROWN IN YOUR GOWNS THAT MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE FANCY CLOWNS, BECAUSE NOW YOU HAVE BEEN TOUCHED BY THE GENIUS. AND IF YOU HAVEN’T, GIVE IT TEN MINUTES, BECAUSE I WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THE WHOLE ROOM AT SOME POINT. IT MUST BE HARD TO BE A LADY. IT TOOK ME AN HOUR TO GET DRESSED AND I’M JUST WEARING A SUIT. I HAD TO ARGUE WITH THIS JACKET ABOUT HOW TO CLOSET IT. THE JACKET SAID A BRASS BUTTON BELONGS THERE BUT I WAS LIKE, ‘HEY, YOU ARE TALENTED AND ALL, AND YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO KEEP SHIT CLOSED, BUT BEYONCE IS A WAY BETTER BUTTON, SHE DESERVES THIS OPPORTUNITY,’ AND THE JACKET WAS ALL, ‘BEYONCE ISN’T HERE, DUMBASS,’ AND I WAS ALL, ‘DO NOT SWEAR AT THE DARK LORD BECAUSE YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO FUN AFOUL OF MY SOCIAL FJORD THAT CUTS BETWEEN THE DUMMIES AND THE ADORED, SO KEEP GOING IF YOU WANT TO BE BORED BUT IF YOU’D RATHER BE INTELLECTUALLY GORED THEN RUN AWAY AND HEAD TOWARD THE KANYE WEST STORE WHERE THE PRODUCE IS ALWAYS FRESH AND WE HAVE A BUTCHER IN-HOUSE TO MAKE SURE ALL THE MEAT IS CUT PROPERLY.’ AND THE JACKET WAS ALL, ‘I FEEL THAT,’ SO WE COMPROMISED AND I FOUND THIS SAFETY PIN AND I SAID, ‘THIS SAFETY PIN IS ART, AND IF PEOPLE CAN’T HANDLE HOW MUCH ART IT IS, THEN THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO SAVE THEIR SOULS FROM BURNING IN HELL SURROUNDED BY DOGS PLAYING POKER, AM I RIGHT? SO I NAMED THE PIN BEYONCE AND NOW BEYONCE IS DOING A DAMN FINE JOB HOLDING  MY COAT TOGETHER JUST LIKE I SAID SHE WOULD BECAUSE I AM A PROPHET WHO SPEWS WISDOM FOR PROFIT SO IF YOU HAVE A CAP ON THEN DOFF IT BECAUSE I FREAKING RULE YOUR LIFE. IS THAT DOPE? YES.”