Met Ball Basically Well-Played Carpet: Hilary Swank and Jessica Alba




SWANK: We meet again.

ALBA: We’ve never met before. But we’re clearly soulmates. Look at our mirror-image hair styles.

SWANK: I’m glad anyone is willing to be my soulmate after that whole Chechian warlord debacle.

ALBA: You must be terrible at Google, though, seriously.


ALBA: But you look nice. Finally.

SWANK: What is that supposed to mean?

ALBA: Just that last time we saw you, you were wearing this. Also, you’ve been on like a ten year campaign to remind us all you have boobs. Talk about “I get it,” am I right?

SWANK: Wow, Jessica Alba, you are kinda harsh.

ALBA:  I call ‘em like I see ‘em, Swank. But you do look nice. Well done. FOR ONCE.

SWANK: You also look nice.

ALBA: I think you mean, I look GREAT.

SWANK:…I mean, you do. You do look great.

ALBA: Thanks! Smile pretty for the cameras, and then let’s pretend this never happened.

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Comments (30):

  1. karen

    After Solange, Jessica Alba is my best dressed. Really pretty! And her hair – so shiny!

  2. BrownEyedBetty

    I need a better look at Swansky but Alba is one of the best dressed for me. Color is fab on her, the cut of the dress perfect and her hair to die for. Lovely.

  3. val.

    They both look great. Hillary looks a little saggy– like maybe she could have used more support under there– but it’s a small quibble since she looks 100% better than she normally does!

  4. Sandra

    Alba looks fantastic! (yes, I did do that). Swank looks very good, but needs to address the side-boob issue. It is nice to see people who outfits don’t make me say WTF?

  5. Girlin

    I’m not usually a fan of Michael Kors but I think both these dresses are lovely. I would prefer JA’s to be more of a pure gold colour but that’s my only criticism! FAB!

  6. Shannon

    Um, no. Swank’s boobs appear to rest about three inches above her waist in this dress. Not attractive at all. She has no excuse for that, especially considering Alba’s had two kids and hers appear to be trussed up correctly. Swank fails.

    • Ms Poopy Von Pants

      ew! Now all I could see is her boobs! And one seems to be spilling out on the side.

    • Shiitake

      Imagine if Swanks wasn’t wearing the dress.
      Jessica Alba is gorgrous.

  7. neiges

    All this is a little blah but it’s not bad. It’s just that I really have a problem with golden dresses – they look so unconfortable. More than formal wear should be anyway. And the noise; I am sure they’re noisy and not in a good way.

    • Heather

      Ha! I totally am going to “hear” every single gold dress I see from this day on thanks to your comment.

  8. Bella

    JA looks gorgeous. HS, not so much. This dress with its high neck makes her torso look extremely long and the breasties are almost waist-level. Hoist them up, for pete’s sake, and cover the side boob with something other than hair.

  9. vandalfan

    Swank needs a better bra.

  10. Karen

    Alba speaks truth. Despite the saggy issues, this IS the best Hillary Swank has looked in my memory. It was the first thing I thought when I saw the photo.

    In addition to buying a new bra, however, HS needs to look into better-fitting shoes. You can see in the high-res that her tootsies are spilling over the edge of what look like dreadful sandals.

    Alba, on the other hand, looks SMASHING. Wow.

  11. CJ

    If you click on the photo and enlarge it, it looks like Jessica Alba is wearing body glitter? Uhhhh

  12. Mahastee

    They both look fab, totally gorgeous.

    For a minute I was concerned that Swank had shown up in red leather boots, but it’s just the way the chiffon has draped over her foot. Phew.

  13. CJ

    Also Swanks boobs are not that droopy. I think it has a lot to do with the high neckline and the illusion that they are lower than they are.

  14. Trace

    Did Swank purposely tuck her dress fabric under her toes. Because that’s what it looks like, especially on the forward foot. But I understand, Hil. Strappy sandals at night can leave you with cold feet.

  15. maxameliana

    a good lipstick goes a long way

  16. D

    Honestly, I thought they both looked great….but I couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed. Any other place and they would be way up there on my list. But this is the MET BALL! Have some fun, don’t be so safe.

  17. Miss Louise

    They look like they’re both revelling in their collective youthful beauty in a totally charming and joyful way. Alba looks like a classical goddess, only cuter, while Swank’s an amazon. It’s the dress, not her boobs, and even taking that into account, they still look perky enough. Love them in this pic.

  18. Trace

    I’m guessing there is a piece of sheer fabric from Swanks dress that is draped over her shoe? Because it looks like she’s wearing red hose or something and its scaring me…

  19. Kit

    they *do* both look great, my only quibble is with Hillary’s boobs – she needs better support!

  20. Ms.A

    Jessica Alba looks so fab! I’m loving the gold!! Swank is giving sideboob, so I’m just gonna move on.

  21. Isabella

    Alba does look fantasic


  22. Alaia

    Why am I so shocked that you gave these two dullards a ‘Well played’?


  23. zackster

    I wish someone had taken a picture of Swank and Sandra Lee next to each other. The Sag Awards. Hee.

  24. TonyG

    They really do look gorgeous, together, and individually. Great styling from head to toe on both Jessica and Hillary, but I particularly love Hillary’s dress. The dramatic draping around the torso, waist, hips and thighs really works.

  25. romary

    hs dress diff color diff neck diff shoes. ja is pretty, maybe dress reads better in person or would look better is some big ole editorial in Vogue.

  26. e

    Holy mother of bras! Swank’s twins are down by her navel.

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